Hey. how was your weekend thanks for. returning to my channel. for first timers i’m an author and i. wrote a little book called duotalo over. the phone. you’ll find how to get it in the links. below just scroll down into uh. just above the comment section i can. also be found on all platforms. besides youtube including telegram so. look for those links as well. so we’re in part two of our move. and we’ve stumbled across now the topic. of dating a widow which is a very. interesting. topic so i’m talking a literal death. not a figurative death although those. are just as important. i believe so let’s just get started okay. so first i want to define the difference. between a widow. and a widower in ancient english. the masculine and feminine was. distinguished. but because of the root word widow it. just. both of them merged into one so.
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Year. give it 365 days and four. distinct seasons because look the first. year you got. it’s all firsts first birthday first. i guess wedding anniversary right. first anniversary of the maybe the. accident or. the date of death first. time you experienced the anniversary of. the funeral. all the first holidays children’s. birthdays look. it all happens in the first year those. first first first first and you get. overwhelmed with firsts. and they’re navigating through all those. emotions and it’s just best that you. don’t get involved. during that first okay the seconds look. that’s a whole nother video okay. why is it so hard to date a widower or a. widow. it’s hard trust me it’s it believe me it. has. challenges um. for one thing it’s a social awkwardness. there may there may be some reticence. about being seen in public.
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For fear that their community. will arrive at the opinion that they. didn’t love their spouse. if they’re dating too quickly so i mean. there’s all kinds of perceptions that. people are concerned about. and and that changes one’s ability to. relate in a normal fashion free and. clear. so look for those so that brings brings. me to. the next topic and that is the signs. to look for that the widower or widow. is serious about a new relationship okay. first of all they’re not gonna pressure. be pressured to sleep with anybody. change and he’s willing to talk freely. and openly. about his past relationship and yours. um also. he doesn’t be labored the experience of. the loss. he there’s a time and place to grieve. and that’s maybe in a in a grieving. group a religious group or the like. with a therapist alone um. please don’t be his therapist be.
Sensitive. but there’s a time and place to continue. the grief process. if that’s what the the surviving spouse. chooses to do. all right he doesn’t let the grief get. in the way. all right i want to share with you a few. tips. all right when you’re interested in. someone who just experienced loss. and they’ve gone through all uh four. seasons. and you’re ready to go on dates two. three and maybe even beyond. number one there’s gonna there’s. actually literally a hundred of them but. i just wanted to share with you the top. five okay. gather more information find out how the. spouse died. that’s gonna give you some idea of what. you’re getting into okay. look we know it can go anywhere from. cancer to murder. car accident. also know that not all grief is alike. all right make sure that they’ve gone. through. all five stages of the kublerross.
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Stages of grief okay look that up. kublerross stages of grief there’s. five stages actually arguably there’s. six the sixth one is actually. reengagement are they ready to get back. into. the lane the life lane. it’s really important that they’ve. experienced all five stages of grief. to some degree they don’t necessarily. have to complete it and a lot of times. people. go through those cycles many times. but know them and be aware of them. and know that the relationship their. prior marriage. or commitment really never goes away. it’s in their brains it’s in their. hearts it’s probably in their dna. it’s in their children never goes away. so be prepared to share that space with. them that spiritual space. and possibly a physical space because. you know they’re going to have a lot of. mementos still around them. photographs in their phone pictures on.
The wall. look the list can go on and on and on. i want you to know some red flags as. well if they’re too anxious. for you to meet their friends and family. hold on i’ll get that that’s probably my. ex. hi john. how are you no i i wasn’t right in the. middle of anything. uh do am i free saturday. well um look look. i’m really flattered that you want to. date me again um. but i’m going to have to pass i’m not. available anymore. and but i really appreciate it and i. really hope we can stay friends though. okay all right you have a great day. bye. look occasionally that does happen you. know when you leave somebody. or they leave you years later they want. you back so. i always say move forward keep moving. forward. all right where were we okay. the red flags for dating a widower. if they want to get you in bed too. quickly.
Back off okay you don’t want them. envisioning their. spouse you know when. if they can’t define what they want if. they’re still living in vagueness. which is like there’s no judgment there. it just means they’re still in pain. sometimes that means to disengage. completely. no no sight no sound no touch all right. leave leave minor children out of it. until there’s a ring and a date. please please please please please. family members. adult children give it six months of. exclusive dating all right six months. preferably a year for chil adult. children. um but six months for you know friends. and um. and maybe you know coworkers or. whatever so. okay so the reason being is because. if all your friends have known. and family friends family coworkers. everyone in your life. if they of all they’ve known is your. spouse.
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All right it’s in their heads too. and your relationship with them involves. your. spouse so if you’re bringing someone new. on the scene. it’s really really important a to have. inform them of the death that’s that’s. key. whoever is related to you who’s in your. life to some degree who has been in the. last five years. please involve them with. the grieving process the funeral inform. them in a respectful way. so they at least know okay the last. thing you want to do is keep all of that. hidden. or withheld from key people in your life. with this typically family. and then bring someone on the scene they. have not. gone through the stages of loss too. granted of course it’s not as intense as. yours. but they have to deal and process with. the loss as well. so please be fair you’re going to have a. successful reintegration.
Sissygsm is awesome 1
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If you go through that fill your garden. fill your backyard with all the. beautiful things that you love to do. and that makes your soul sing okay even. if it’s just rejoicing. and honoring them for a year there’s a. lot of beauty in that there really is. it’s just it’s a very special time in. your life and. don’t speed it up let it take its own. pace. in its own time and then reevaluate. after six months. say hey you know how much longer. do i want to greet sometimes breathing. is a choice. and a good therapist isn’t going to help. you out with that okay. well i’m going to leave it there i don’t. want to make this video too long okay so. um our next video is going to be. dating someone with a drug addiction. and we know how hard that is that’s. going to be a short video okay. you guys have a lovely day meanwhile. please do something for yourself.