When To Start Dating After Divorce

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I frequently receive questions from. people wondering if they are ready to. start dating again after divorce and you. know some people like to give the advice. of well you need to wait certain number. for months for every year you’re a. married or don’t even think about dating. until it’s been at least one year since. your divorce is final and others tell. you you gotta get back into the saddle. again before you’re too afraid and. honestly there’s merit to all of those. I’m not one to give heart and absolute. advice as far as a particular time line. for a couple reasons one I think it’s. different for everybody you know some. people are ready relatively quickly. others take years or even decide to stay. single forever and that’s okay the other. reason I don’t give advice is because on. my own I kind of went against what most.

People recommend and I started dating. pretty much immediately not that I’d. recommend it it definitely was messy and. painful at times but it can work out too. so there’s no hard and fast rules. however before you think you are ready. to get back out there and start dating. before you activate your online profile. or start going to the pickup scenes at. night I recommend you ask yourself the. following question number one am I ready. to be honest. and obviously I mean honest with your. dates you need to be willing to tell. them kind of where you are in the. process and what your coming out of. doesn’t mean you got to give them all. the gory details I don’t recommend that. but they do deserve to know what phase. you’re currently in and it’s up to them. then to make the decision if that’s. something they want to tackle or not but.

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Even more importantly are you ready to. be honest with yourself are you ready to. really take a good hard look at your. role in the demise of your marriage and. maybe some areas that you need to take. some personal responsibility for. and areas that you need to work on are. you willing to be honest with yourself. that you’re probably not completely. healed yet and what effect that might. have on your dating so gotta face the. truth before you get out there sorry. question number two to ask yourself do I. have outlets for emotional offloading. repeat after me. my date is not my therapist it’s easy. sometimes when you’ve got that you know. sympathetic ears sitting across from you. at a coffee shop to unload everything. that your ex did and not terrible. everything was don’t not the right place. or the right person make sure you’ve got.

Your support group fully in place before. you start to date it doesn’t matter if. it’s therapists online support group. friends whatever just make sure that. you’re not using your dates as your. emotional dumping ground question number. three am I ready for rejection and. disappointment and I know you might be. thinking what really I mean we’re just. talking about some casual dating here. after divorce what kind of rejection is. that going to be I get you however I. have seen time and time and time again. that there’s a lot of delayed pain that. happens. so maybe the divorce itself didn’t hit. you all that hard because you kind of. pushed it aside. maybe jumped into dating is a. distraction and then you had you know. some little relationships start up maybe. it lasted a few weeks or months and it. was still kind of in that honeymoon you.

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Know all is sunshine and roses and. promises and opportunities phase and. then it ended and you know extensively. you didn’t really lose that much you. didn’t know that person you hadn’t. really built much for a relationship or. a life together but those hopes being. dashed right at the. point can really really be a big blow. are you ready for that are you going to. be able to handle that rejection and. that low if not you’re not ready to get. out there and date yet you’ve gotta be. able to handle some rejection before you. go out there next question am I looking. to be saved this was one I probably. should have asked myself at the. beginning because I sort of had to. stumble into this one and realize the. answer along the way so if you’re. looking for somebody to pick you up out. of the mess that your life currently is.

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And make everything okay you’re not. ready yet so there is not a perfect. person out there there’s no prince. charming there’s no magic woman that is. going to make all of this pain and. suffering and loneliness and all of that. stuff go away they do not exist you know. can you find some fun and enjoyment and. companionship and affection and all. those things yes but they’re not going. to rescue you so if that’s what you’re. looking for it’s time to do a little. more work on yourself first. next question am i using dating as an. avoidance tactic now there is nothing. wrong with using dating is a little bit. of distraction goodness knows I did. plenty of that when I didn’t want to you. know deal with looking at the legal mess. anymore. dating can be quite fun it’s. entertaining it’s enjoyable don’t want. to use it as an excuse to not do the.

Dirty work that you still got to do be. careful with that because it can become. sort of an addiction just like anything. else so you can use it some as a. distraction use it for fun use it for. entertainment again being honest the. entire time about what your intent is. but make sure you’re not doing it to. avoid doing what you really need to do. and then finally a simple one but a. really important one do I have. energy to date divorce is exhausting it. takes every little ounce of energy out. of you and doesn’t give you much sleep. in return and dating also takes energy. you are attempting to build new. relationships and commonalities with. brandnew people that takes a lot out of. you. especially for those fellow introverts. out there be careful here watch your own. energy reserves and be honest if you. don’t have them don’t date yet or if you.

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