What To Write About Yourself On A Dating Site

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What To Write About Yourself On A Dating Site internal you know

Hi i’m caitlin and welcome to my youtube. channel i’m otherwise known as a. compatibility coach i am a life and love. coach who helps people get great. relationships or at least better. relationships with themselves and others. and hopefully find not only selflove. but also romantic love and it’s what i’m. so passionate about so to my new. subscribers hello and welcome please do. comment or get in touch with me my email. is caitlin which is ca-i-t-l-i-n. um. at thecompatibilitycoach.co.uk. so i will wait to hear from you but. today we’re going to be talking about. something that is so prevalent in. everyday life but also especially for my. clients over the last couple of weeks. and it is why does rejection hurt so. much and what are the steps we can take. to start to overcome it so a few of them. have been recently seeing people or.

They’ve been dating it hasn’t worked out. or you know it might even be about not. getting a promotion at work um but these. feelings of kind of disappointment hurt. not being good enough feeling rejected. have come up so it’s something i want to. discuss today and. i don’t know about you but. um i used to look around and. see my friends and they’d just been. dating somebody and it ended and they. were fine and i thought and i’d be on. the floor you know like why does it hurt. feel like it hurts so much more for me. why why can’t i just snap my fingers and. get over it like some other people so i. want to talk about a couple of key. theories from psychologists about why it. can be so painful and why it can hurt so. much. so psychologists such as julie smith. argue that we all deal with heartbreak. rejection being disappointed and upset.

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But when it’s linked to a core belief. such as we’re not good enough or we’re. not lovable or um you know we’ll always. be left the feeling of rejection. disappointments goes far beyond the. immediate situation for example. if you have kind of gone through life. building rules and coping mechanisms. around ourselves and our beliefs. then we’ve learned along the way through. certain experiences that if we’re not. enough people leave so you know for. example our coping mechanisms could be. we try to become perfect we could be the. perfect girlfriend the perfect door to. get the perfect grades so if something. happens that rocks that kind of um. coping strategy and means that you are. no longer see yourself as the perfect. girlfriend or partner or data or. whatever or somebody else doesn’t then. it hits right back to that core belief.

That um. people might leave. or that we’re not good enough. so. we know you know i think that’s the. feeling that produces the the sort of. internal you know can feel like a knife. to the heart that’s the internal upset. that’s the internal distress so it’s. when a situation um you know triggers. that core wound that core belief that. something about ourselves is wrong or. isn’t safe then it can produce a huge. amount of upset plus other psychologists. such as marissa peer. will argue. that um. humans pretty much have two. uh survival instincts one is to look for. connection the second is to avoid. rejection so we stay safe so we survive. you know and we back in the day we. wouldn’t want to be outcast from our. group because often that would be life. or death and the same goes for now we. don’t want to be cast out we don’t want.

To be seen as different we don’t want to. be. rejected. because it does go back to that survival. instinct sometimes it can feel like life. or death you know got to make this work. because if this doesn’t work what’s. going to happen and it feels like a. visceral pain doesn’t it so. you know when we’re not accepted it can. put us into that flight or fight. response where we can shut down. emotionally or we can go into that kind. of overdrive so it’s really interesting. but if we accept kind of both theories. and accept that you know we want to. avoid rejection as a survival instinct. and it’s often linked to kind of core. beliefs around fear of abandonment or. not being good enough and they wonder it. can hurt like hell. so let’s get on to five steps you can. start to take to overcome. rejection. so first i wanted to say that look.

There’s no amount of kind of hiding away. or trying to protect yourself or putting. the walls up that will protect you from. ever feeling hurt disappointed rejected. because it is a natural. stage of life we all have those feelings. um. so. whilst we can’t necessarily always avoid. it there are certain things we can do to. get ourselves in a position where it. doesn’t have to destroy us we can manage. it a lot more and we will learn to see. rejection it’s not about our selfworth. it’s not about. us not being good enough you know yes it. might sting it might hurt your ego it. might get you down. but we um. don’t allow it to become about us not. being worthy or not being good enough. and you can learn the tools and the. techniques in order to do this and this. is something that i work on a lot with. clients it’s absolutely music to my ears.

When i hear one of them say yeah i went. on a date and he said that for him there. wasn’t that spark. or that connection. and yeah i would have gone on a second. date and yeah it hurts but i’d rather. know now i’m okay. that blows my mind because that is such. a sign that we’re no longer taking. somebody else’s actions or behavior as a. direct reflection on our value so. unless my dog is just about to go mad so. i’ll put him on the floor let’s talk. about five things we can do to hopefully. start to. break this cycle of the kind of hurt and. the disappointment and then everything. that we do is coping strategies around. that whether it’s obsessing over them. whether it’s shutting down whether it’s. sending us into a spiral of. selfdestructive behavior. number one. learn to sit with it. and. my clients will absolutely hate this and.

That they annoy them every time i say it. but when that kind of emotional pain. arises firstly i want you to sit with it. and get curious rather than trying to. push it away. or um. go into that kind of spiral. um and you know we start to obsess and. analyze and get in our head about it but. what i want you to do is actually sit. with your feelings for a minute so you. can understand what’s happening ask. yourself you know. what’s happening how do i feel. where does this feeling sit in my. stomach what does it look like does it. hurt. does it bring up henry memories have i. felt like this before get really curious. about actually what’s happening in your. body your brain your emotions because. then. first of all. we allow ourselves to take a little step. away from it so because we can be a. little bit more objective about what’s.

Happening we’re observing it we’re. asking ourselves questions getting. curious it can actually take the sting. out of a little bit and number two is. around that around that exploring and. get to know the stories. you’re creating. about yourself about love and about um. rejection because the pain from. rejection doesn’t come from somebody. else’s behavior or the word somebody. says it’s about the story we attach to. it about our selfworth and our beliefs. so the pain of rejection comes from the. fact that we are confirming the worst. fears we have about ourselves which of. course is going to be painful of course. it’s gonna hurt so for example if we. didn’t get that second date. as i gave that um. demonstration with my client about. her thinking okay this isn’t about me i. didn’t get a second date he said worse.

He doesn’t want to see me again. we attach a meaning to that so not. getting a second date becomes we’re not. lovable or it’s never going to happen. for us or. why do i put myself out there to get. hurt again i told you love wasn’t safe. you know we go through that spiral. so by doing the work around your. limiting beliefs and your fears kind of. within this fear then it will help to. get. to the bottom of it so you know. second point is ask yourself the story. you’re attaching. to a situation or to a person. is it that. you’re not enough. is it that you’re not lovable is it that. everybody disappoints you look at what. language you’re using to describe um. yourself your others romantic partners. men women. do a bit of exploration around your. stories. um around your thoughts it doesn’t have. to just be in that situation where the.

Rejection has triggered you look in. everyday life how you speak to your. friends about dating about people. um and go from there number three is we. need to dial up the selflove and create. new beliefs to help soothe. and create a new possibility rather than. your old stories your old limiting. beliefs so now we’re aware of the. stories we need to start to reframe them. and rewrite the story we’ve been telling. ourselves. which means you kind of need to rewire. your brain which will teach you a lot. about in cbt and things like that but. you know one of the ways we can do that. is through. language. um for example if you have been telling. yourself the same story that you’re not. good enough the last 20 years. start telling yourself that you are. actively say to yourself. i’m good enough or i’m learning. to accept that i’m good enough start.

Praising yourself start doing things. that demonstrate that you are worth it. write a list of everything that brings. you draw your white list that ever is. you know an act of selflove or an act. of selfcare and take it off you need to. actively start doing things a lot. um. which nicely leads me on to a kind of. another cbt practice but when we’re. talking about reframing these thoughts. the fourth point the fourth step we can. do is to become really evidencebased. so as humans we go around collecting. evidence um to support our beliefs about. the world around us so we take every. little rejection or hurt we’ve had and. we store them away. to bring out. uh the next live story happened to say. i’m right this has proved it it’s proved. that you know. people cheat all the time it’s proved. that this happens it’s proof that this.

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Um. so we actually need to start questioning. what’s happened. and we need to start collecting evidence. to support the new beliefs that there. are good people out there that there are. that you are lovable so go around and. keep i always just sometimes they keep a. little list in their phone. um where of a kind of vlog of all the. times that you have been accepted or the. times that somebody has said something. nice to you that you’ve been loved. you’ve been appreciated by family. friends colleagues dating whatever keep. a little book of your wins so you can. kind of counteract the. rejection. so. the fifth point. and again it really nicely leads on to. that about the reframing and about the. evidence point but when something. happens such as you know we don’t get a. text back we will create a scenario in. our head that fits with our inner belief.

Systems so. he didn’t text me back because. i’m not lovable i’m gonna be alone. forever nobody wants me compared to my. friends. but rather than jumping to these. conclusions we need to create a bit of. space between the trigger of the. situation what’s happened and our. reactions so we need to start. questioning actually whether our. thoughts are true. whether there could be other. possibilities of what happens whether we. could feel a different way about this. what we could be doing instead in this. situation so we need to start. reframing. other what’s happened and reframing it. in a way that allows for other. possibilities so as not being good. enough isn’t the truth. um. so rather than jumping to the conclusion. ask yourself whether the interpretation. of the event is really true write a list. of all the other reasons that are.

Outside of your selfworth out that are. not about you um write down what other. thoughts you could be having here you. know how else you could interpret the. situation right um what feels better to. believe you know if you sit there and. you look at. um. okay. i’m gonna believe they don’t want a. second date because actually they’re not. ready for a relationship. okay that feels nice so doesn’t it how. does that make you feel well i feel a. bit calmer okay yep i don’t feel as. anxious i don’t feel as selfloathing um. what am i gonna do from that basis well. i’m gonna go make myself a cup of tea. and maybe phone a friend to rant but i’m. not gonna go into a spiral so it’s just. about you know um. slowly but gently starting to reframe. the situation and allow new ways of. thinking being doing feeling. along with yourself as well as giving.

Yourself the space to accept. what’s happening in your body and your. brain and being aware of what’s. happening as well as kind of dialing up. actually your work on selflove and. selfworth. and creating new beliefs about yourself. so i hope that helps just to go over it. again number one is learn to sit with. what’s happening. two get to know your stories three. dial up selflove and create new beliefs. through language and doing things. four become evidencebased so go around. and collect evidence every time you’ve. been accepted and five. reframe what is happening and look for. different scenarios different. interpretations different thoughts. and we’ll go from there so any questions. please do let me know but please rate. subscribe and. it’s going to say review comment. share. so i can keep making free content for.

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