Tension and conflict are an inevitable. part of any relationship it might be a. moment when he said he would text you at. the end of a night hour after being with. his friends and he didn’t it might be. the moment where he interacts with. someone in a way that makes you feel. jealous or maybe he was blase about. something that was really important to. you or forgot something a promise that. he’d made to you tension in these. moments is inevitable but damage to the. relationship is not you see it doesn’t. necessarily matter what you argue about. but it does matter how you argue about. it and most of us have some kind of. reactions that we do when we’re feeling. scared and hurt that destroy instead of. develop the relationship I want you to. take a moment to be really honest with. yourself and think about what yours are.
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Designed to inflict pain not solve. problems what we have to remember about. these reactions is that they are. reactions to fear fear that we’re not. enough fear that we won’t be loved fear. of abandonment or fear that we chose the. wrong partner in life when we’re afraid. we do crazy why because we’re all a. little up we all are and although. we’re working on that and we all are. especially if you’re watching this. channel we know that in the meantime. while we’re working through our own. issues we. have to have better response systems for. dealing with conflict because even. though we might not fully have a handle. on every single one of our emotions in. every given moment what we can control. is our reaction to those emotions so. what are the trained responses that we. should be working on. instead of going silent speak instead of.
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Disappearing stay and solve instead of. labeling your partner and denigrating. their character focus on the behavior. you didn’t like instead of making things. black and white allow for nuance in the. argument allow for complexity one of my. favorite phrases in life is why can’t. both be true why can’t it be true that. something he did was selfish and also. that he didn’t really mean to be or that. maybe you overreacted in the moment why. can’t both be true instead of going to. your friends with a propaganda campaign. on how badly he acted choose one person. or two people that are grounded that. helped you organize your thoughts and. then go back to him to talk and use. restraint with the kind of words and. phrases and attacks that tomorrow you. will wish you could take back look when. we’re feeling vulnerable or afraid we.