Disappointed but not surprised. disappointed but not surprised. disappointed but not. surprised. hey guys welcome back to another week of. where you’re disappointed but. not surprised cohosts i’m alex i’m. addie. we had to skip last week unfortunately. story of our lives sorry no because our. schedules are crazy oh i’m still. working my second job and i’m. so tired and you have your job and it’s. so tired it’s exhausting but at least i. got a good story this week out of it i. haven’t even heard this one yet oh my. god okay so um for those of you that. don’t don’t know i got a second job and. it’s like bartending and waitressing at. a restaurant. like a few towns over and um. so i started there about a month ago. um. i was working a lot like pretty much. almost every night and. this guy would come in. literally every single night now the.
Food there’s not exactly cheap it’s a. burger bar they have like other things. too like the food’s actually really good. um. but. so. you know he’s spending probably like. over 20 dollars. plus tip every day on a hamburger or. whatever he gets chicken sandwich. whatever. so. he was coming in. one night i was waitressing he gets. seated in my section. so. i’m waiting on him and he’s like oh. what’s your name blah blah blah so i. tell him and he’s like i’m jeff i’m like. what’s up. you know whatever. and then he’s like. like two hours goes by he’s only eat. like half the burger. i’m like oh my god like dude get the. out like i need to flip the table. so that i could get more people in to. make more money yeah so he’s. still sitting there and he’s like. and this is exactly how he talks he’s. like. i had stomach surgery. over five years ago.
I was a size 79 waist which is . massive ew. massive. he’s like well you know. i almost died from it my sugar my blood. sugar levels went through the roof i got. diabetes i gotta take all these pills so. of course i’m like wow this guy’s super. hot yeah tell me this isn’t two bagels. from the jeff that had a crush on me. yeah well it sounds exactly like his. doctor told him to stop eating two. bagels because he had diabetes and he. was gonna die so we called him two. bagels from now on he said he still. tells me he loves me and sends me text. all the time but he’s married with a. wife weird i’m like weirdo jeff. what’s the name maybe yeah. so um he’s telling me all this stuff so. i’m like wow super attractive he’s like. so i gotta eat my meals really slow. how about you stop eating a . burger and get a salad jeff exactly or.
How about just don’t come in period and. waste all my time and make me. and then he’s like. so then he’s finally done. four plus hours later i he’s occupied. the table the whole time. so he’s like can you tell people like. hey let’s move it along. like i can drop the check and just be. like. whenever you’re ready but like hint but. like we don’t have time limits or. anything was it you and me that went out. to kodobuki the asian restaurant or was. it me and somebody else where we were. taking a while to order. oh yeah it was me and you and she was. like you are done now yeah yeah you were. like holy lady calm. down you want that now because she came. forward. damn three times and we were still like. we can’t talk. holy you should say that to. somebody from now on. so continue um. so he so he’s paying finally like i saw.
Her at the restaurant you did she’s been. like to my boyfriend i was telling him. and i’m like that’s the one you know. so. i forgot about that. so. we’re like trying like um we’re trying. to go the police. like basically is the lights off. at this point like dude let’s go jeff is. still sitting there with his plate of. fries yeah and he’s like. i would give you more money but you know. i’m broke blah blah blah it’s fine i’m. like it’s fine whatever it’s on a. burger every day jeff yeah so he. tips me like 10 bucks. so the next night on waitressing again. and. so i had said something to the owner. that night and i was like yo what is. this guy’s deal and he’s like he’s in. here every day he takes up a. table he’s like from now on i’m sticking. him at the bar. so. the next day. okay yeah so the next day i was. bartending.
And he comes in and they stick him at. the bar. so he’s. like i only got ten dollars for and he. doesn’t drink. he’s he’s so he’s just eating his food. at the bar which is fine because we. serve food at the bar. yeah we serve food at the bar that’s. fine but he’s like i could only tip you. ten dollars i got no money again and all. this stuff he starts telling me his life. story again about the stomach. surgery and all this stuff and he was. like. telling me he was i was born in beverly. hills then i moved to queens and now i. live in one room in kopeg because i’m a. degenerate gambler and i spend all my. money. and i’m like hey. cool now i have to entertain this guy. because i’m the bartender that’s. so annoying and like i’m trying to do. other things and he keeps waving me over. i think he needs something and he’s like.
Yeah i live in one room i don’t even got. a refrigerator because he was like i. gotta eat so slow from my surgery or i. get sick and i was like well why don’t i. get you a box and you could take it home. he’s like i don’t got a refrigerator. doesn’t have a refrigerator yeah so. i’m like so what’s in your apartment. he’s like a bed i don’t even got a tv i. spent all my money. on gambling and burgers. yeah and this and that so. so he proceeds to come in for like every. night that i’m working for the next like. week i have to hear about all his. stories all these. he used to have so much money all these. women took advantage of of him and so he. apparently before he was coming to the. burger bar he was going to a diner and. he liked the waitress and he and he. supposedly had money at this time so he. would give her 50 bucks at a clip.
And then he asked her on a date. and she was like oh i have a boyfriend. i see he’s like she totally used me i. was like no jeff i was like you’re just. really stupid and tip people fifty. dollars for no reason and he was like. you know what can i say i’m a nice guy i. feel for people. and this and that and i’m just like oh. my god so he’s like do you have any. boyfriends i was like yeah i have three. and he’s like. you do and i was like yeah and he’s like. how do you juggle all that and i’m like. it’s hard i was like you know i forget. their names sometimes and i like mix. them up like i’m just telling him like. all this stupid because i don’t. give a . and um. so and then he was like. oh well you know they’re lucky guys and. i’m like oh god here we go so one night. so like the next night he comes in and. he’s like.
Waving to me as soon as he gets in the. door and i’m like oh mike. he’s like. i won today i won today so what he does. is he goes to the otb down the block. and then i guess after he runs out of. money he saves like 30 bucks so he could. come to the restaurant and then. proceeds to eat and bother me the whole. time i’m working. um he’s like i won today i won today. he’s like but i gave away a lot of it. already i gave some to someone at the. otb that needed their tooth fixed. and like all this stuff and he’s trying. to give me like 50 bucks. and i’m like i’m not taking it like i. i’m not serving you tonight i’m waitress. you’re sitting at the bar because you. know what it was like. like maybe i’m not describing it like as. in depth that it was but it was creepy. he was creepy and i felt like his way of. like trying to get people is like with.
Money like whether it’s a friendship. like whatever it is it’s like he suckers. them in for telling him all for telling. them all these sobs. and then they feel bad and then he like. ropes them in with taking the money. so then he’s harassing me all night. about the fifty dollars like every he’s. sitting right where near where i like. put the food in like on the punch screen. of course sitting right next to there so. every time i go over there to put in an. order he’s like. so anyway. like trying to tell me something else. he’s like my car it needs all new tires. because i drive to bayside queens every. day and then out here and then home. and i was like well maybe stop doing. that like where are you getting for your. gambling money from jeff he. claims that he works for a bookie. and that’s what he does but the people.
That he’s. you know placing the bets for are always. losing so he’s never getting money oh my. god and i’m like well maybe you’re the. problem no . so whatever put him in the bathroom so. he was annoying me the whole . night so by the end of the night he was. like please take the 50 i’ll be so sad. and making like sad faces at me every. time i walk by like. and i’m like ew ew so i’m like okay jeff. give me the money because now i’m like i. had to listen to this guy all . night he bothered me the whole time i’m. busy trying to do other and i have. to listen to you now it’s going to cost. you yes so i took the 50 bucks he left. so this has been going on for like a. month since i’ve been working there. so every night it’s the same he. tells the same stories over and over and. it’s when i’m bartending i’m stuck yeah.
I can’t the bar’s not super busy i have. no choice but to listen to him. one day i came in it was a saturday i. came in for the early shift he’s there. at 12 o’clock when the door is . open. and these two women that work at the. bagel store like two doors down came in. and they always get lunch and they. always like. drink four long island iced teas each. like they get lit and eat lunch and then. i guess go home. so. they made him try. like a long island iced tea i guess or. whatever they happen to be drinking that. day. and all he keeps telling me is i’m. wasted. i haven’t drank since my bob mitzvah. meanwhile he told me he was italian so. it’s like what. and yeah when did he become a jew i. don’t know. so he’s like. oh god this and that and i was like well. you better chill out and like not drive. and like have some water because he’s.
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Like i’m thinking about getting another. one he’s like walking to the bathroom. now mind you he takes 20 minutes to. hobble over to the bathroom because he’s. still overweight yeah and like i don’t. know he’s just like gross a sad sack. like i don’t know i’ll show you a. picture of him after because i took one. and um. he’s like so he’s. shitfaced drunk and then he’s like. uh. come over here come over here and i was. like jeff i’m busy like what’s up and he. was like. take this and it’s a napkin. and he’s like. i don’t want you to get in trouble at. home so i put a code on it. so i open it up. and it says. jefferina. and his phone number as if it was like a. girl’s number ew. who names their girl jefferina. and why would you want to go for. somebody like jeff i’m picturing him and. it’s not attractive no it’s not and.
You’re telling me that you’re a. degenerate gambler you live in a one. room with just another refrigerator and. you take four hours to eat a meal. he and then he also like pulls out all. his like pill bottles while he’s sitting. there out of the pockets on his pants. because all his clothes are too big on. him. oh that’s another thing i need about a. thousand dollars for clothes have you. stopped spending it at the otb. i say that every time i was like number. one stop gambling number two stop giving. people money and stop the and number. three stop coming in here yeah and. spending twenty dollars a night on a. hamburger and then a tip. and then he’s like um. so it’s he’s just like the most on. attract it’s like so . unattractive. so then he’s telling me how um. so now he’s drunk and he’s like telling. me how like i really will be sad if you.
Don’t call me and this and that i was. like i told you i had three boyfriends. why would i call you am i calling you. jefferina and he’s like i don’t know you. know if you ever need anything and then. he’s like telling me like you know i. beat people up for a living. and all this crap and i’m like. this guy takes 20 minutes to walk to the. bathroom he’s beating people up for a. living like come on. so whatever. um. the next. so i think that so that was that. saturday the next saturday i was working. again it’s the saturday before mother’s. day. and he’s i’m working at night well it’s. night now at this point and he comes in. and he says something to the hostess. and then he like walks out so i see the. hostess running across the restaurant. she comes over to me and she’s like oh. my god he just asked me if you were.
Working. and when i said yeah he said all right. be right back and went to his car. so i’m like oh no. like what like. what is going on. so. now everybody that i work with is like. gathered around because they’re like oh. we can’t wait to see this. guy. and like all this stuff he comes in with. a bouquet of roses stop i swear to. god ew. a bouquet and the the bartender is like. be nice be nice be nice and i was like. lawrence i am nice this is why i’m in. the situation that i’m in. because i gave him the time of. day to be nice and get a nice tip which. it wasn’t. and now dollars yeah and now look i wish. i could have had seven tables in that. time and made like 150 bucks but thanks. um so he comes up to me and he like. shoves his hand towards me with the. flowers like happy mother’s day you know. not that you’re a mom but uh yeah and.
Like walks away. now everyone scatters they’re dying in. the back like howling and i’m just. standing there i was like thank you. so i put the flowers to the side it’s. like cringe he’s like. i’m drunk again i was drinking all day. at the otb because the kentucky derby. was on. he’s like it was free drinks there. and whatever and i was like oh god. so then um i was bartending that night. while i was like doing both and then. he’s like so he’s sitting at the bar and. then he’s like. guess my phone must be broken. and i was like oh why’s that. and he’s like. you never called me i was like yeah and. i told you i wasn’t going to like why. would i and then he’s like i have three. boyfriends jefferina yeah i have enough. to handle he’s like why can’t you just. add me to the boyfriends i don’t get it. i’m a nice guy all this and i was.
Like because i’m trying to like downsize. the boyfriend list i’m not trying to add. to it like especially you bro. so he’s like. um. this sucks and he like. he gets up and he walks past the hostess. and he gives her the thumbs down and. leaves. dude. two hours later. comes back. and now the woman then another woman. that works there she’s like alex i. watched the id channel yeah this guy’s. crazy. so he’s like please i’ll wash your. windows i’ll walk your dogs i’ll put. chlorine in your pool just give me a. chance and i was like jeff i’m not. looking for a maid like stop like this. is getting ridiculous now i was like. you’re 54 years old i don’t want to date. you. like what the i don’t get why. people don’t get the hint it’s. like you weren’t even being like flirty. or leaning not at all not at all it’s. not like it’s like how strippers how.
They probably you know what they have to. like flirt and this and that like are. you even flirting with no no no no no. hell and you’re probably. literally rolling your eyes listening to. his story and like just walking. away when he’d be in the middle of it. because it’s like a i’ve heard this. before b. i don’t care and you see you’re wasting. my time while i’m working. so. he’s come in like every day since and. then is like. always gives me a sad face and is like. so i guess it’s gonna be a no since i. haven’t heard from you and i was like. dude what are you not getting. like it’s of of course it’s a no that’s. like the type of person that’s waiting. for you by your car well that he at one. time he asked me like what do you drive. and i was like a bentley and he’s like a. bentley what are you working here for.
Because i’m not telling him what kind of. car i drive. for him to wait for me in the parking. lot after hours. i feel like i work here to support my. bentley you yeah. but now i figured out what car he drives. because i watched him leave one night so. now i know like i look for it before i. leave if it’s in the parking lot or not. it hasn’t been but like. god forbid he’s that’s so creepy and. he’s huge like he could pin me. down and like he’s like that lenny from. mice and men type exactly where. it’s just like that like his stupid. strength exactly like he’s very off and. like. yeah. where he would like go to hug you and. strangle you. or like capture you so i think we need. another potato launcher adventure okay. he only lives one town over apparently. so he could figure out where his room is. and shoot it up. watch out for the refrigerator oh right.
He doesn’t have. oh my god it’s like he’s like really. he’s like no woman will date me because. of my job it’s like so i’m gonna date. you nobody’s dating you because you’re a. loser that complains about. everything and takes four hours to eat a. burger jeff yeah and then one. time after he gave me the flowers and i. like basically was like you know leave. me the alone he was like. he was sitting at the bar one night and. he’s like yeah i’m talking to this woman. she scanned me out of 1400. a few years ago but i’m talking to her. again and uh you know maybe i’ll bring. her here for dinner. i was like you should i would love to. meet her like what are you trying to. make me jealous or something she scammed. you out of fourteen hundred dollars and. now you’re trying to date her. she’s gonna do it again jeff arena.
I know and then the next time i saw him. i was like how is that because she was. supposed to call him that night so they. could talk on the phone ooh. so i called him that night uh i called. him that night i guess she called him. that night and then he was like she was. asking me for money. no . i was dying i was like say it ain’t so. he doesn’t have any no but then like i. think he’ll win like big like. yeah and then just gives everything away. and or and then gambles it all too. so yeah that was uh my interesting story. at least i got flowers from mother’s day. jeff’s got a couple of addictions it’s. like a thing food. yeah well he said the gambling got worse. when he couldn’t eat like he wanted to. well that was like my coworker he. gambled away his inheritance and then he. became 800 pounds yeah and then he got.
The stomach surgery and then he started. drinking heavily it’s like if you don’t. fix it it’s gonna skip from one thing to. the other to the other. yeah like you can’t put a bandaid on. things no. no you stop gambling and it’s gonna. trickle down into something else right. but yeah so it’s like trying to like cut. out drinking and then you go to like you. know i think i have like some. other sign on my head though that says. like stalk me no literally like what the. first your neighbor and now jeff. arena yeah. it’s just that’s like the other jeff. that worked with with us at the kia. dealership yeah the car dealership it. was like he was he literally still i. mean it’s not that bad but he calls me. all the time and it’s like hey let me. take you to lunch and i’m like all right. maybe what goes through these people’s.
Heads you don’t get a hint yeah. like even if i’m dating somebody and. they have this slightest like. off tone with me that day i’m like oh. they don’t like me obviously i’m just. not gonna talk to them the rest of the. day then you know what i mean but these. people are like lloyd christmas from. dumb and dumber it’s like so you’re. saying there’s a chance. it’s literally a lloyd christmas. i don’t get why they don’t take a. hint i don’t know you’re. mentally deranged i mean there’s some. people obviously like meant to arrange. with them oh and then the best part. after he got like he walked out with the. thumbs down the day he gave me the roses. he and he came back two hours later he’s. drunk from i guess he went back to the. otb and then he came back and was like. drinking there watching well he never. drinks tea people set him off and now.
He’s becoming an alcoholic yeah exactly. so he’s sitting at the bar like saw like. leaning on the bar kind of and i. was walking like in the restaurant so. that i didn’t have to pass him the way. he was looking so i came up behind him. his ass crack why didn’t you send a. picture for me dude i didn’t i couldn’t. take my phone out because there was. other people like around and i don’t. want them to be like the waitress took a. picture of this poor guy’s . if at my job if somebody’s butt cracks. out i literally yeah because you have. bug crack chronicles chronicles and i. put it on my story i was dying. and one of the um. one of the other guys that works there. was like sitting at the bar i guess the. shift was over and i was like. hey rob and he’s like what’s up and i. was like say no to crack and he was like. what and i was like pointing out a crack.
And he’s like oh my god thanks a. lot and then he’s like i want to throw a. cheese curd down there. i’m like there’s probably 25 cheese. curds down there. but yeah poor jeff arena but like not. really not really at all. so like is he still coming in no yeah. yeah but he’s still coming in. kind of playing hard playing hard to get. yeah. like not as like you know. he’s not gonna not come to his burger. spot and you quit the job anyway yeah i. gave them my list this is my last week. because it’s so uncomfortable. though and then my the owner was like. tell me the truth is because of jeff. like joking around. and i was like no and he’s like no. i’m kidding but. like it was weird it’s so weird and it’s. like just like men and women too i guess. because i think women are psycho. stalkers as well but it’s like take a.
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Hint yeah if no means no yeah. it’s like not like no means i’m being. like coy and like wanting to come harder. it’s like no yeah like if i was flirting. with you and it’s like no i’m not gonna. call you he. like. but no like i was like i am not calling. you literally like i’m like like stone. cold fate like look on my face. so yeah jeff i gotta show you. the picture we get posted on our thing. too. he’s not as bad as i thought he’d be. yeah that’s what my cousin said the. other day when i was telling her the. story she’s like he’s not as bad as i. thought and he probably would if he was. thinner. not a degenerate gambler and like not a. sorry sack of could get a girl he. could definitely get a woman he’s not as. bad as i thought he doesn’t have a. wrinkle on his face he has a. full head of hair yeah like he’s really.
Not bad but it’s just the personality. he’s great second that he opens. his mouth you’re like oh he’s. like you are literally. like my life is doom and gloom yeah. everything’s a refrigerator. because i gamble all my money away i. said to him i was like. i was like maybe if you had a positive. attitude once in a while like good. things would happen to you. and he was like oh i don’t know about. that yeah and i was like there you go. with the negative attitude. manifesting the life you want you. dingleberry. like stop read a book about it since you. don’t have a tv yeah exactly do. something. i don’t have a tv. and the people upstairs were. screaming and singing on christmas and i. can’t get peace because i don’t i can’t. put the tv up because i don’t have one. and i’m like. what is going on dude watch tv with your.
Phone weirdo like it’s not that. hard. all he does is watch the horse races on. his phone oh my god that’s so weird yeah. jeff is a weirdo and he was like. trying to convince the owner of the. place i work at to open a burger bar in. the otb. like. what. yeah because we want to serve you for. four hours more jeff and the rest of. your degenerate gambling friends who. don’t tip more than ten bucks exactly oh. no when i win big i’ll tip you yeah okay. yeah so i’m going to change my location. by you that sounds like a good idea. idiot. so i got a text today from the one and. only claude. who texts me. this afternoon and says. i just bought a yeti cooler on. craigslist and got laid when i picked it. up just now. so. whatever so i asked him if he wanted to. when the story’s still fresh i wanted to. see if he could call in obviously it’s.
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Not the 10th episode that we do with. claude but um but this is too . good so we’re going to call into claude. right now guys just because i want to. hear this story on air. hey. hi claude we are we’re just straight up. recording because i want to hear this i. want to hear oh yeah. okay it was kind of it was kind of kind. of messed up man. so i gave you i just read to the i just. read to everybody the first text that. you sent me where it’s like what i just. read the intro like i just put a yeti. cooler on craigslist and got laid when i. picked it up just now. yeah see when you’re a sex addict and. you buy things on craigslist it’s always. a possibility in the back of your mind. that you’re gonna get laid. you know you start steering things that. direction. you know subconsciously like. you know i was interacting with her and.
I was thinking wow she’s she’s kind of. cool man she’s. you know. chatty and. uh you know funny and you know she she. made a few jokes while we were. interacting you know. about cooler so i was like. i i might be able to parlay this. you know. so. so it was real weird because i drove all. the way up there. and uh and i said i told her i was. leaving and leaving uh uh work at noon. it would take me a while to get there. because traffic. and so uh she’s like yeah no problem. just call me when you get close so. i get closer and i texted her you know. i’m like hey i’m about 10 minutes away. she goes. good um i’m over at uh the corner of. this street in this street um you gotta. pick me up and i was like what’s she. doing on the corner yeah. yeah yeah and i was like come pick you. up. and i was kind of like wait a minute. well i thought you know she gave me.
Directions to her apartment. yeah she gave me the address and. everything and like what this is like. walks in blocks away from her apartment. and what is why does she need to pick. her up. so. i was like this is getting weird am i. being catfished or am i being like you. know. yeah. yeah so um so anyway i. that just made it more intriguing and. made my boner harder because you know. the possibility of danger so uh i uh. i guess i’m driving she’s like hey look. now i’m on this corner uh i just caught. the bus and and down here. like mass transportation is not. something that everybody takes only the. indigent in the home was taken. okay right like it is a festering. uh our our system of public transit is. for the . mental patients okay. so. um that’s why it’s just bad traffic. cause nobody you know nobody takes the. the.
The uh buses or anything. so um i was like man so she didn’t have. a car. like this starting to get weird so then. when she says. she’s actually next to us where are you. i’m at the wells fargo bank at this you. know at this location so just meet me. here you can pick me up here and i was. like why does it keep changing. so i’m about to just scrap the whole. thing you know how much was the yeti. cooler that you were buying off of her. like 50 bucks okay and you’re saving. yourself like a hundred and fifty bucks. how much yeah 300 depending yeah like. two or three hundred bucks all right and. i’m i’m not a fan of yeti because the. political politically there they pulled. some. antisecond amendment a couple. of years ago but um and i hate. supporting him but i figured if i’m. buying a used it’s not really supporting.
Him. so you saw deep my ethics go somebody. already bought it for msrp. right. so uh so i’m i’m thinking at this point. this thing’s either stolen. like most everything else on craigslist. or. um it’s like belongs to her boyfriend. and she’s just selling his for crap. money. oh yeah yeah oh yeah so. anyway i uploaded the wells fargo and i. fear i’m like i’m starting thinking. you know. she’s not that bad. okay she’s like 62.. all right. so. so uh i guess when you’re walking all. those miles in the heat in the sun you. just kind of stay in shape a little you. know. and uh no but she looked like a wacky. kid. the only way i can describe her is if. you picture. a. high school women’s gym coach. who gym teacher who’s gonna retire next. year. okay so she’s like she was in shape at. one point you know she’s got like. dark leather skin and a ponytail.
And like you know sort of pretty face. and just kind of like big pancake tits. and. thick thighs you know just like a like a. like a coach yep like a softball coach. so. not a lesbian though like she’s like you. know. i’m sure she’s probably been a lesbian. in her life i’m sure but she she was. nuts but anyway so i pick her up she. gets to my jeep and i’m and uh you know. i gotta lift the jeep she had to like. crawl up in there and she had all these. bags of and i’m thinking. great this is meth you know meth addicts. carry. random with them everywhere they go. yeah. malicious officer so you can’t have that. absolutely absolutely so she gets in and. um so i don’t know you know the sex. addict to me takes over and i’m just. steering it to that you know i’m like. you sure beautiful what are you doing. taking. bride to strangers off craigslist and.
She’s like oh no i could read people. real well your chakras say that you were. you’re alright through the computer was. very good i i trust my senses and well. you know something you know she’s a. schizo she’s nuts. so uh. something where’s my body camps so i. they can see that it’s it’s consensual. so um. if i go back to her apartment. yeah where she is so she’s like that’s. right here so we go in and this place. smells horrible and it’s a. shittle and it has the most bizarre. like everything was in just such a. bizarre place she had her furniture. set up like stonehenge. and she gave me this long dissertation. about the the feng shui of how she has. everything it wasn’t it was meth. addict weird it was it was. just everywhere. so. she goes well we’ll uh. uh come back here and she’ll take a look. and see if you want this.
So um i came back into her bedroom and i. was like oh so this is where all the. magic happens huh. and she goes uh oh you mean where i get. my best sleep i was like oh i guess i. could call it that. and uh. and so would you you know where she’s. giggly and getting one thing leads to. another i i swear 20 minutes later she’s. giving me a in the living room. okay. so. yeah and just i kept like leaving it to. that like i kept saying like. you know see. you’re single leaving anybody so what. are we gonna go out you know you let me. take you to dinner and it’s like you. know so it just all happened just. perfectly. so. perfect. in the smelly apartment. oh yeah. i ended up the holy balls off of. this woman for 45 minutes okay. and. it was it turned by this is the middle. of the day on a tuesday or. whatever it is. yeah and so she goes.
I’m sorry i’m sick of the dog and it’s. not easy. to say i wonder why. yeah no he used to go about this when he. said oh yeah i did i. did no because i didn’t want to leave. any dna so i kept it on man the whole. thing and then after i left i still had. it on. and. i was driving with a with a condom on. going what the man uh what did i. just do why do i do this but anyway so. once so we’re and i gotta tell. you man. her. her smelled like a trout rolled in. bear . okay. it was bad it was sweaty it was like. well she just walked you know how many. miles in probably 90 degree weather sat. in a bus for how long. you know it hit 100 today so. i mean i’m sure so. and that thing was hairy oh my god it. was a jungle in her defense she wasn’t. expecting this. yeah yeah i don’t think she has any clue. to do anything other than what she did.
If she even if she wasn’t expecting it. so. mom man i’m getting worried she’s. making all these like crazy weird sounds. man like sex sounds that i’m not used to. hearing and she was uh you know it. wasn’t a sensual. oh it was like a ah. like that. so when she came. she goes. like that. i feel like the devil just came through. the phone yeah. i know and i’m like what’s happening man. and i was afraid that neighbors were. going to come over and uh. it was one of those shitty apartment. complexes that are well it was built. like. the 60s and like just paper thin walls. and uh so fun so we’re done i was like i. kind of want to get the out of here. so we chitchatted a little bit longer. and she’s like you got to come over we. got to do this again i was like yeah man. let’s do this again you were. great i grabbed the cooler and i left.
Then And Now Pic
I’m thinking you know i probably will. get horny one night and try to come over. and do this again. so. because i’m you know that. twisted. so uh i get i got the cooler and i. realized when i left i was like i never. paid her. yeah yeah man so i’m driving down the. freeway and i was like oh i still got. this this condom on and i was laughing. and uh and so i had to text daddy i was. like i gotta text you this man. and uh it’s uh so i i texted it while i. was still wearing it hauling ass away. from there the opposite direction. did she ever text you asking for the. money or no no i never gave her my. number when you communicated through. instant messenger oh. did she instantly message you for the. money or no. um it was. no she never did anything i should. probably block her though. yeah that would be a good idea yeah.
Yeah i guess no it was so it wasn’t. craigslist i think great it was. marketplace. oh because that’s why we’re into. messaging yeah yeah that’s why we’re. instant messaging so she knows your. first thing oh no no no it’s a fake name. first and last yeah yeah so he’s a fake. name and i didn’t tell her where i. worked. but uh but yeah man so i was i’ve been. looking for coolers on craigslist and. marketplace so that’s why. and but. dick smells like trout now from. it dude it smells horrible i like i went. i it was so bad i didn’t wait till i got. home i i went to the gym. to shower. like i didn’t want to wait till i got. home i was like this i i gotta get i got. i need some bleach and i need some acid. that’s great. yeah it was terrible but that was i mean. i gave her a really good performance man. that’s that’s what bothers me did you.
Try to stick it in her butt. i tried to put it in her butt at one. point and she got real she jumped about. three feet high and she goes hey that’s. the devil’s hole. like that and she said uh she goes what. do you think i have backwoods or. something and i was like i didn’t know. anal was considered backwoods or the. devil’s hole. yeah she said it was the devil’s hole. and i was like whoa no your apartment is. the devil’s hole. no her mouth was the devil’s hole. and uh she. yeah she then as i was leaving i swear. she said this man she goes i just love. police officers um she goes i am so. supportive of our boys in blue she was. i’m a convicted felon but uh that has. nothing to do with it because i deserved. what i got so anyway. that was like definitely meth. definitely. he was like babysitting kids and they. ingested it and died.
Oh i’m sure it was something like that. or she. you know was doing her own dr mingle. experiment with him oh no my god that is. amazing yeah. oh it was great man. what bothers me is that like when i have. sex with actual hot chicks i last like. three minutes i gave her like 45 minutes. of porn star today yeah because. you were about to pass out from the. stench. yeah. yeah. no kidding and even when i imagine it i. just i’m like why do i do this. this is horrible. well we’re glad you do. yeah i had to have you hear this or say. it live because alex and i are together. tonight so we were like oh my god let me. just let them call in and just . tell the story because. yeah i want to hear it what’s fresh on. your mind while you’re still wearing the. condom that smells like trash. i know i know it was horrible. oh her her apartment smelled so bad.
It smelled like. like cat piss and and mothballs and so i. asked her i was like do you have cats. and she goes no why i was like so that’s. gotta be human piss. that smells like piss. maybe she had somebody locked up in the. other room you never know yeah maybe she. she’s probably a type that pisses into. jars. because she has like some. bizarre like theory on saving her urine. or something or just like goes on the. carpet when she’s passed out or. something like that. yeah oh yeah. and she goes i can ask you are you. jewish and i said. what possible part of me would be. consider. how could you i i’m as irish as irish. gets. how do you look at me and think i’m. jewish. and she said well i’m just wondering and. she was well you are circumcised and i. said okay so it’s most of the civilized. world yeah. yeah. so anyway uh that was yeah.
And she said why jewish and christian i. said well you’re a regular . conundrum. yes it was it was a weird day. man but i did get a pretty badass cooler. the silver lining. yeah and i really probably should. message her and send her the money like. cash happen or something i will or but. then it’s like i don’t know then she’s. gonna have your cash app info. yeah that’s true. oh you inputs he’s been sending me cash. app uh messages and uh paypal messages. because i’ve ever blocked on everything. else oh my god don’t you hate it when. they get to you through that type of. stuff it’s like yo oh yeah leave us. alone if we’re not answering you on. everything else venmo messages. that’s not going to be the way to get to. my attention where there’s a way there’s. a way. oh she keeps telling me she’s going to. sue me civilly for money that i owe her.
And i’m like she didn’t work for the. entire year that we went out and she. lived off a child sport and i paid for. literally everything you bought her a. car. i bought her a car and she’s trying to. see that oh we’re 1400. and and uh she went on like. listing all these weird things that i. don’t even know what she’s talking about. like uh i i paid for your business. filing and all that and i’m like i don’t. i’m a cop what i don’t have a business. what are you talking about like yo this. is [ __ ] crazy i hope you’re not. answering her no no i didn’t because i. can’t because uh it’ll screw up my. harassment charges i’m trying to get. against her yeah no just stay away oh. it’s oh it’s just infuriating she. claimed that she was going to come up to. my department and and make a huge deal. out of serving me civil papers and all.
This stuff. so i had to go to my like you know brass. and tell them what’s going on and that. is not something when you bring drama to. a small department they do not like that. yeah i know. you know so i had to tell them like hey. look there might be some drama i’m sorry. here’s what’s going on you know please. please don’t fire me you know i’m. telling you ahead of time and i told the. whole story and i told how she tried to. get me fired by my last job. and uh and they they all they were back. you know they backed me a thousand. percent they’re like yeah well we’ll you. know we’ll help you with the charges if. she tries to harass you up here oh good. so yeah. and uh but uh but i hope but it’s just. been a hard. well you know i’ve been dating that. other chick for a long time now too so. yeah her sister. and so. yes i’m just a terrible human being.
Hey listen you wore a condom and we love. you just the way you are oh thank you. and at least you showered it off i mean. i would still maybe get checked but like. man i didn’t touch it i didn’t go down. on it or anything and that’s kind of not. my style i usually like try to try to. make make the ladies get there first at. least once before i go because i know. i’m going off when i get in so you know. you know. i’m big on. is she gonna foreign where you got the. cooler from your girlfriend. oh she might i told her i was i was. looking on uh on craigslist marketplace. for coolers yeah be like yo this dude i. went to his house and he gave it to me. for 50 bucks. yeah yeah cheesy that’s right i don’t. know when i messaged you you’re like i. said i got laid i went and bought a yeti. cooler on craigslist and i got laid well.
I picked it up and you said oh what’s. his name. yeah. that’s like the goto name that’s like. the goto gay name. you know that. you know bruce is so overdone yeah. right reynaldo i was crying i sent it i. screenshotted it and i sent it to alex. right after that and she was in tears. oh gosh. yeah. man i wasn’t curious too. that’s why we’re like it’s not the 10th. episode but we have to bring him on. well thank you for doing that it’s very. therapeutic i don’t feel so bad about. myself when i talk about this no if i. just let it sit and fester it builds up. and i’m like i’m a terrible person. we support you in all of your endeavors. well thank you. all right all right well thank you so. much for calling and sharing that story. you’re welcome i’ll let you know that. i’m still searching for stuff on. craigslist because i’m having a big huge.
Crawfish boil this weekend and there’s. still stuff i need like holding tables. so. i’ve got some other some other irons in. the fire as far as sexually and. craigslist but uh let us know if you. anyone else from it i yeah well you. know that’s not the first time i . like that i bought a desk one time. from a girl. who was selling it on craigslist in 2009. and i went over to her house to buy it. and she was actually good looking man. she was like a seven. and i’m not talking about like a. craigslist seven like a like a normal. society seven. and. and uh so i we we got along great i said. hey are you hungry on good dinner she’s. like yeah let’s go so we ended up going. to dinner she got shitbased drunk we. went back and like rabbits and i. dated her for seven months. oh wow. yeah. and uh and then a guy died on the couch.
Getting Back Into Dating After Divorce
And i had to get rid of it. a desk it was a desk and then later i. came back and got a couch a green couch. and it was. she was moving and she was selling all. the stuff. and it was the most amazing couch i’ve. ever had it was so. freaking comfortable. and i had it in my um in my but it was. so i didn’t have a place for it. okay um i i originally i put it in my. office at my uh family business. in my family’s business yeah and uh back. before i was a police officer and um. so i had it there but then they needed. to use the office for. storage so i had to move it and so i. moved it out to the lobby. and then uh and then people would always. comment on it they’d come in and they’d. be waiting for stuff and they would. they would uh shouldn’t catch like oh. this is the greatest couch they’re gonna. fall asleep and people would nap on it.
All the time. it was you couldn’t help but fall asleep. it was the most comfortable couch on the. planet and then a guy died on it and. then he was an old guy and they and uh. we went to sleep and and never woke up. he like took a nap and died right there. in the store thank god so. yeah so i was they i found out they had. to take his temper directly when they. got there and i was like oh that’s. a death couch i’m not i’m not ever sleep. sleep sitting on this couch again. yeah i got rid of it. bad juju man i got rid of it but yeah so. i bought the desk from her and then the. next that you know we sent you so the. next day i was like. get that couch so i called her to see if. she stole the couch she did i went back. over i tried to end it again and she. wouldn’t do it. and uh and then i had to keep working. for it and you dated her for seven.
Months yeah so i ended up dating herself. and she tried to tell me like i loved. telling that story and she she was. mortified when i would tell that story. and she would tell me do not tell people. how we met and she could all and i was. like why. and i said you you’ve had like over 21. night stands. and she’s like yeah but i don’t grow up. telling people that and i was like well. this is. so much more than a onenight stand. because neither one of us were drinking. i don’t think that’s a bad idea like you. met when you bought something from yeah. that’s actually pretty cool yeah i don’t. know i think you guys met like you know. she. you bought a [ __ ] from her or. something like that and then started. writing. yeah but i can’t not tell them tell them. the fact that yes i you later. that night. but you still took her out to dinner.
Yeah i did i put in some effort i put in. some work and then uh. so. so uh she would get mortified when i. told people that and um and i was just. you know uh i’m loved telling that story. and and oh and she said she tells me. she’s like. well you know she’s got over 21 ideas. and i was like well this makes it very. special then because it shows people how. much work i had to put into it. to see either one of us were drunk yup. i was like it attests to my skill. because. you know i was completely sober and so. were you and you fell for my . and then you dated me. yeah. exactly and uh she ended up getting. married like we broke up and she got. married like real soon after that i. think she may have been dating a guy. while i was dating her that’s possible. yeah in that case we deserve each other. but. anyway well i hope you enjoyed it i’ll.
Be sure to let you know if i if i could. parlay these folding tables card tables. into some uh yeah. let me know how the crawfish party goes. oh yeah you got it. all right. thank you later have a good night bye. bye all right bye. i always love a good clawd story they. never get old they never ever ever get. old. like when we think we’re crazy then i. listen to his and i’m like. yeah like we are the most normal. librarian type people on earth i felt. like a crazy uh two days ago what. was it. yesterday was it yesterday. i’ll tell that story quick and then. we’ll close out um. yeah it was yesterday so sunday. my poor boyfriend is such a . saint yeah he’s such a saint like he. literally like i try and catch him and. and he doesn’t ever do anything. wrong so like. we got in a fight. it wasn’t a fight i shouldn’t say it’s a.
Fight when we were early on dating he. went to a yankees game he drove. home. from the train station. to his house that night yeah that was. the night that you and i went to the. concert it was like september 11th i. remember that yeah he was all like in. his feelings that night or whatever yeah. we were on the phone with him on the car. yeah he was hammered and he drove home. from the train station. got mcdonald’s and then went home and. the next day i had a serious. conversation with him and i was like i. really like where this is going but i. don’t want to be with somebody that ever. drinks and drives i don’t care if it’s. just. a quarter of a mile away. very unacceptable well it’s unsafe. we’re so old at this point. yeah it’s not back in the day with taxis. that were like a pain in the ass it’s. like literally call a uber or.
I’ll come and pick you up from wherever. you are granted i’m probably asleep half. of the time but an uber’s what five ten. dollars yeah you can afford it buddy. right so. the other night he was out so he has not. drank and drove again like ever since. like i thought i caught him doing it. once but he didn’t at all like it was. just my misunderstanding and i’m . crazy so um. so on sunday night was. was it sunday night was the ranger yeah. and he’s so rangers it’s not even funny. like he’s crazy with it and he he has a. crazy schedule coming up so he wanted to. watch it because if they won which they. did it’s going to be one of the last. ones that he can actually go out. drinking for so he was with his dad. drinking and and uh they went out to the. bar and then they switched bars and and. i knew they switched bars and i was like.
Did you drive to the other bar and he. goes baby i haven’t had a drink yet and. he’s like but i’m gonna now so then i. said okay whatever so. and i didn’t want him even if his dad. was drinking and driving in a car with. that and like this is my one thing with. him that is like no well it’s not like. anything that’s like crazy either it’s. not like you can’t go watch the ranger. game with your friends it’s like just. don’t drink and drop well he was. supposed to watch it with one of his. other friends and his friend texted him. that morning and was like yo bro my wife. says i’m not allowed to come out with. you because they went out like two. nights previous and apparently he came. home the friend was like puking and. everywhere. her boyfriend’s like i don’t understand. why he’s so much when he drinks. yeah . so his and then he’s like married life.
So my boyfriend had to go out with his. dad and watch it or whatever okay so. whatever and i’m like i don’t care go. it’s the reason yeah i get my. night in bed to like read like bye yeah. um. no i would never say you can’t go out it. it is you’re not allowed to drink and. drive if you want me in your life right. that’s not crazy. so and again he doesn’t do it so he. texts me that night and i sent him good. night and he’s like all right and then. like maybe an hour later he’s like you. know just got home ubered home. love you good night so then i’m like. speak of the devil you just text me um. so then i’m like you know then and i. knew where he was at the bar because he. told me where what bar he was and. randomly enough the bar is on my block. yeah so i’m like i’m like. driving past that morning and it’s. across from a train station.
So i’m like driving past that morning i. passed the bar his car is not at the. bar. it’s 7 30 in the morning and i’m on my. way to the gym yeah and you know damn. well he didn’t get his ass up so he came. back go get that car at 7 30 in. the morning so i kind of peak in the. train station parking lot. don’t see it there. i’m like. livid right now yeah i’m like this. motherfucker’s lying to me. so. i come back i go to the gym i have a. doctor’s appointment i come back i am. texting you i said i think he . lied to me i’m literally weaving in and. out of the entire train station parking. lot going up and down and at this point. he would have had to get the car because. don’t you need a permit to park in the. train station i don’t think that you’re. not there no maybe not but whatever. so i’m texting you so he texts me like.
At that moment and he’s like he goes i. gotta still get my car as i’m looking. for his car he’s like i gotta. look up my car he’s like i may be maybe. i’ll jog to it and get some exercise. because he only lives like a mile away. from where i live it’s not far and the. bar that he was at was like a quarter of. a mile from where i live like it’s. always a walking vicinity so i’m like. get your car in my head i’m like get. your car i’m looking for your. car and it’s not here you probably have. your car so i’m like which bar he goes. because i’m thinking he left it at the. the one by you yeah. he left it at the bar next to that one. because they walked bar to bar there was. two bars away from each other. so he’s like it’s that athletic club so. of course i’m like skirt go inside let. it go. look for his car see his car parked.
There all by himself of course my. brother’s friend owns that bar sees me. there he’s like what are you doing in. this parking lot at like 10 a.m. right now i’m like i’m stalking my. boyfriend’s car he just shakes his head. at me and he walks inside. does he expect anything left and of. course i text alex i’m like i love him. his car is where he said it would be. well thank god i would have been so. pissed if he lost i would have been. pissed but it’s like i can’t. catch him doing anything bad he’s so. that’s a good thing that’s a . good thing and i’m like trying to cause. a fight like like stalking his ass out. like where is it you know so then of. course like he just like sends me the. screenshot of the whole uber you know. how they have like them yeah and like. the time frame i said you don’t have to. do that he’s like we were.
Questioning me i was like all i said is. which bar. you could have googled that picture. anyway yeah. reverse image search. like he didn’t know i was on the phone. with you like stalking yeah. like driving around that morning looking. for it. whatever whatever and he doesn’t listen. to the podcast so we still won’t know. he’s so good though i literally can’t. catch him doing anything wrong like if. he says he’s doing something it’s what. he says that’s how it should be he’s so. simple yeah he’s so simple but that’s. nice having somebody that’s like you. don’t have to question ever. never question it even that one night. where he was like months ago when we. first started dating i was like uh he he. was at a restaurant and he said he was. going to that yeah and i was like do we. believe him that he’s there because we.
Looked at the time in the restaurant and. closed yeah we’re like there’s no way. he’s there they’re closed yeah they’re. close there’s no [ __ ] way. he’s there so then like the next day he. texts me and he’s like yeah it was. pretty cool he’s like we get to stay. there pass clothes and just drink with. them closing because my friends friends. with the bartender there i’m like god. damn it he’s telling the truth. but i didn’t of course i never said to. him like it’s closed do we actually. believe him like i’m never gonna let him. on that i’m not crazy no because then. he’s gonna know our like stalking ways. he knows though he knows he’s he and. honestly if i told him i was driving. around looking for his car he wouldn’t. be surprised yeah. but he would be like you don’t come. across me like seriously like it’s like.
Offensive almost it is and i don’t want. him to think i don’t trust him but it’s. like i just it’s like a habit like if if. i. think that maybe something’s awry which. it never is with him like i’m going to. go and find him we’re going to find out. anyway yeah no and like that is my one. thing it’s like the drinking and driving. i don’t blame you it’s like even in uh. what was that stupid movie um. where where she was like the smoking was. her one thing oh he’s just not that into. you yeah and it was like it’s something. so like my dad died of lung cancer what. do you understand. and then like smashes the mirror and. then has to clean it up. yeah but it’s like that’s her one. gripe and it’s like of course. and he’s like i’m not smoking and like. this elaborate lie he’s like we have how. many undocumented workers at this house.
How To Get Back Into Dating After A Long Relationship
Every day and you find one pack of. cigarettes and blame it on me but that’s. like. good like then she was like damn. you know what he’s not lying he’s like. whatever he was like smooth with that. one but that movie he was lying this. time yeah. and he was like having an affair too. so i shouldn’t even bring that up it’s. like comparable but it’s like it’s like. it’s her one gripe and that’s. like the drinking and driving is like my. one gripe yeah i don’t blame you though. it’s not like you’re it’s not like. something stupid like oh you leave your. dishes in the sink and now i’m gonna go. throw a face no it’s like yo you. are not ever drinking and driving yeah. like you can this is your job like. besides killing someone or yourself. yeah no and he and he doesn’t do it but. it was like that one time yeah where it.