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Today we’re going to be talking about. what to do if you find your ex. on a dating website. and i thought probably the most. interesting way to tackle this subject. was. instead of me just doing a traditional. video where i. you know list out the dating apps that. people tend to use and. ex tell you exactly step by step what. you should be doing. i thought it’d be a lot more instructive. to go to my private facebook support. group. and ask the people there what some of. the burning questions they had were with. regards to. finding an ex on a dating app or in some. cases an ex finding you. on a dating app so what we’re gonna do. for the first time ever on this youtube. channel is i’m going to come into this. video. unprepared basically i am going to come. with the questions that i wrote down. i didn’t plan what i’m going to say at.

All and i just wanted to give you my. honest. advice or feedback so that you can see. that i’m really as cool as i. say i am not not really i. cut that so immediately one of the first. things that struck me. was the types of dating apps. that were most popular among the people. that buy the x recovery program. and all there are three really popular. dating apps that people tend to use more. than anything. and those dating apps were tinder hinge. and. bumble bumble didn’t shock me at all. a vast majority of our clients are. female and. bumble is made for females specifically. you know the women get to choose the. matches and. everything like that but hinge and. tinder kind of shocked me. you know i think tinder gets kind of. this interesting rap as the hookup app. a lot of people think that but research. has said that’s not exactly true.

Online dating is responsible for how one. in three couples. end up finding each other and has no. indication of how. successful that relationship can be. so let’s put all that stuff to the side. and just start listing. rapid fire questions with regards to how. to handle. x’s on dating apps hey there real quick. i want to say that if you’re new. to this youtube channel or you’re trying. to figure out what you should be doing. to get your ex back and you’re. trying to learn if you even have a. chance in your specific circumstance. probably the smartest thing for you to. do is actually stop by our website. or take our ex recovery chances quiz. that can be. found at now if. you’re watching this on youtube. taking that free quiz is super easy to. do. all you have to simply do is look in the.

Description link below this youtube. video. and click on the link you see there it. will take you directly to the quiz where. you can fill it out and get an. easy answer on what you should be doing. going forward and overall what your. chances look like in your specific. situation so again if you haven’t taken. the quiz. and you’re interested in taking this. free simple twominute quiz simply look. in the description link below the. youtube video and click on the link you. see there. all right so let’s get you back to the. video all right so the first question. was what does it mean when he logs off. when you log in so at first glance this. seems pretty obvious to me when a guy. logs. off the second you log into your dating. app it just means he doesn’t want you to. see. what he’s up to which is kind of ironic. because the fact.

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That you’re logging off when she’s. logging. in is a pretty big indicator that yeah. you’re on the dating app and you’re. active. i think this is more of a kneejerk. embarrassed reaction. more than anything what does it mean. when he’s viewing. your profile daily so i actually just. chalked this. up to a lot of the habits we see from. breakups with regards to social media in. general. we know there’s a very high likelihood. of an ex spying on your facebook in fact. there’s a 90. chance that they’re going to be facebook. stalking you after the breakup now with. the advent of instagram and even dating. apps. it’s become even more of an addiction i. think. the dating app aspect can move that to. another level because. of the intent involved in signing up for. a dating app you would think that an. ex who’s viewing your profile daily is.

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Looking to see if your profile is being. taken. down or if you’re updating your profile. to make it appear like you’re trying to. find someone to replace them so i think. it’s that kneejerk obsessive quality. that’s making an ex. view your profile daily how do you. approach an ex if they would deny or lie. about being on a dating website this is. actually kind of a tough one so. my initial reaction when i first read. this i’m not going to lie to you is like. oh just call them out but i don’t think. calling them out is going to get the. desired result that you want. ultimately i think you need to find a. way to play it down so. i’ll tell you a story that this really. happened i’m totally going to embarrass. this. kid but basically one of my friends. mentioned. that they had an experience intimately. with someone. and it struck me as kind of odd and so i.

Sat. and let it just linger there for a. moment so they basically said like yeah. i lost my virginity at age. 20 right and so instead of. saying like oh cool and just taking it. at face value something struck me as odd. because i knew that they were lying. because he was probably embarrassed. about the fact that he still hadn’t lost. his virginity so one of the things that. i did was instead of. calling him out in a rude way i called. him out in kind of a joking way i. basically laughed at him and said dude. no you didn’t like that and then he kind. of folded and said yeah yeah you’re. right. so i think that is probably the best way. to approach. an ex lying about being on a dating app. they’re lying because they feel. like they’re getting caught doing. something they shouldn’t do. so what you can do to kind of alleviate.

That stress is make it. okay be like yeah you are i totally saw. you. and this can be a little hard to do over. text so you have to find the right words. to kind of convey that joking type of a. manner but i think that’s the best way. to go what do you say if he mentions he. saw you. on there well if he saw you on there. there’s no use in denying it but there’s. also no use in you feeling. shame for it in fact one of the more. interesting recommendations that. we tend to recommend during a no contact. rule is for you to go. on a dating app now this does a lot of. different things sometimes it can help. you move on by realizing hey i’m not as. hung up on my ex. as i thought i was another time it can. just by going on tinder for example and. seeing how many people. swipe right for you is kind of a. confidence booster because you’re so.

Tunnel vision focused on this one person. having all these other people tell you. you’re awesome. it’s kind of an ego boost and can help. us get through that no contact rule. realizing that you have other prospects. out there not just this one person and. of course that’s the other big reason. for why you would want to go. on a dating app or sign up for tinder or. hinge or bumble or something like that. you can potentially find someone that. could be better than your ex now most. people. watching this are probably not going to. want to use. dating apps for that but it can be a. tool so there’s no use denying because. technically speaking. if they get upset over the fact that. they broke up with you. well they have no moral high ground to. stand on. what does it mean if he’s still active. on tinder but having. really great positive interactions with.

You now. things are getting interesting this is a. really interesting question okay so. basically. to set it up your ex is still active on. whatever dating. app or website he’s using but he’s also. really active. in talking with you the first thing i. would say is is this a red flag. do they have a history of cheating or. being a quoteunquote. player if that’s the case then this is. totally on brand for them to do. if it’s not the case then what’s more. likely to happen is they’re still not. 100. convinced that you’re the one for them. but they’ve gone on the dating app. and they’ve realized no one compares to. you that’s my initial reaction now does. that mean that’s the truth. no it’s just my gut check reaction why. does he activate his account for a while. and then deactivate it only to. reactivate it. all right so i’m actually in the process.

Of rewriting right now. our entire sort of program free. article there’s like this 10 000 word. article it was like the very first. article i wrote when i created. exboyfriend recovery called. how to get your exboyfriend back well. it’s really outdated it needs to get. updated and. i’m already like 12 000 words into the. new content on it so it’s gonna be a. beast but one of the things i just. talked about. was the anatomy of a breakup basically. all the chemicals that are getting. released and what happens to your. cortisol levels when you go through a. breakup. here’s the one interesting thing one of. the most common signs of going through a. breakup. is mood swings and someone activating. then deactivating. then reactivating seems to be having a. lot of trouble determining. what they want to do and that kind of. fits in line with that mood swing.

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Pendulum that you’re always. hearing me talk about why is he. deactivating all social media. like facebook or instagram after the. breakup but keeping. dating apps active okay let’s go with. the more sinister answer because that’s. the first thing that came to my mind. here’s the sinister answer your ex does. not want you. to see what they are up to so what. they’re doing is. sort of deactivating all their ways in. which you could. see something’s amiss but obviously they. want to continue. their dating apps so that’s kind of the. first. note i have meaning they don’t want to. hurt your feelings. because they don’t think you can handle. the truth of them being on a dating app. and for the record i actually don’t. think there’s anything. wrong with your ex being on a dating app. in many cases it can help. your case because you’re going to be the.

Biggest thing that’s on their mind. after a breakup meaning they’re going to. be comparing everyone they meet. to you and while it may have ended bad. the fact that they’re thinking about you. constantly while they’re talking to this. other person or. trying to date this other person is. eyeopening for them. how do you remain calm when you notice. your ex on a dating website. alright remaining calm when you notice. your ex on a dating website. is difficult here’s the important thing. i think. that i’m going to be able to help you. with and that’s the fact. that you need to find a priority in your. life that’s bigger than your ex and. that’s a tall. order what do i mean by that well a lot. of times. you have tunnel vision when you are. trying to get an ex back. it hurts really badly when they’re on a. dating app. and you’re not it feels like a betrayal.

Of the relationship almost like they’re. cheating on you. the truth is it’s not the two of you are. broken up. you can go on a dating app just like he. can go on a dating app there’s no rules. kind of no social customs combining the. two of you together anymore. here’s the thing though if you want to. find a way to remain calm after the. breakup you need to have. two things number one is something that. i think is a bigger priority than him. so i often talk about this as the magnum. opus idea what do you want to be. remembered for at the end of your life. surely it’s not this relationship with. your ex find that thing and then focus. your time on that thing. and the second thing is you’re probably. an anxious attachment style so you’re. going to want to try to move some of the. anxious attachment style tendencies.

To a secure attachment style tendency. probably the best. book i’ve ever seen in helping people. get emotional control is a book called. calming the emotional storm check it out. does having him go on a dating website. mean. he’s moved on no that’s. not what it means at all what it means. is he is interested in trying to find a. way to fill the void he’s interested in. trying to move on but trying to move on. isn’t the same as. moving on so a lot of times your worry. and stress. is a little misplaced. here’s an interesting one do you swipe. right. or left on your ex during the meetup. phase. all right if you’re familiar with our. program we have kind of something called. the value ladder and the value chain. basically we have all these different. methods of communication that you need. to have with your ex before you.

Enter into the meetup phase so assuming. you follow those. things correctly this tactic should work. out you should absolutely swipe. right if you’re in the meetup phase it. could be a kind of a fun. playful inside joke between the two of. you and it can be. a subtle test on your part to see just. how serious they are about you. what is your ex thinking if they see you. on a dating app. honestly i think they’re thinking the. exact same thing. you are just a little bit less now what. do we mean by that well. a lot of the time we’re dealing with. people who’ve been broken up. with that does matter a little bit in. their mindset not a ton. but it does help us understand which. person thought they could do better than. the other person. but i still think and we’ve seen this. time and time again. exes who see you on dating apps don’t.

Like it that means a bunch of things but. probably the best way to figure out what. it means is looking inward and trying to. sort of hold a mirror up and see well. how am i feeling about it. now their attachment style is probably. going to dictate how they react. to it and that’s an important. distinction because a lot of times. we find our clients are anxious or. they’re attracted to avoidance. and what are avoiders going to do when. they see you on. a dating website you’re going to avoid. the thing altogether. so a lot of times our anxious people are. like he’s not freaking out like i. am the truth is it’s apples and oranges. he’s going to react differently to that. type of a news. than you are all right i want to thank. you for getting to the end. of this video hopefully you learned a. lot about how to handle.

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