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What does post pandemic dating. look like for you let’s take a look at. what some of the news is saying. a year of lockdown forced many of us to. rearrange our priorities and for many. what we really want in our love lives. according to a new survey by kinsey. institute the year of covid set up our. society for a postpandemic. change in dating norms for singles the. overwhelming majority surveyed. say they’re more focused on finding a. serious relationship as a result of the. pandemic. so according to this study the. priorities of what is important to us. have. shifted do you know what was important. to us a year ago. toilet paper steve obvious oh yes sir. very important 44 say commitment is more. important than before. 64 less interested in dating more than. one person at a time. is that true for you have you felt that.

Since the pandemic. dating seriously has become more. important to you. this accords with an article i read in. the guardian. whereby the ceo of hinge justin. mccleod macleod i think i’m saying that. wrong. was interviewed uh he said uh. for single people who have missed out on. a year of opportunities to find a. partner. the priority around finding a. relationship has increased. and while many have thought that wild. decadence would be the reaction to. coming out of lockdown. he thinks people are looking for. something more serious. that is what we are hearing people are. being a little more intentional. about what they’re looking for coming. out of this 70. plan to now video chat before committing. to scheduling a date. i was steve i was pushing for stuff like. this before the pandemic. jameson can you be bothered to find a.

Clip of me. referencing how important it is to have. a phone call before a date. text can only do so much so phone calls. are important i want to argue for the. phone call right now you should try and. avoid where possible going on a date. with someone that you haven’t had a. phone call with. let’s facetime for a couple of minutes. or whatever get on the phone with them. just just call them because. that can save you an entire evening by. the way i think facetime’s great. because when you can actually see. someone on a screen it’s the next best. thing to a date right we see body. language we see facial expressions. it’s real connection but i’m on my way. home now. what are you up to how’s your night a. voice. on the telephone. i’ve been pushing for this because i. really believe that we should. before investing an entire evening in.

Someone maybe see if we have any. chemistry. any compatibility via video or phone so. as not to waste a lot of time. and 65 plan on prioritizing finding a. deep connection rather than a hookup. this is interesting because it’s in. stark contrast to that idea that i’ve. heard about many times from people close. to me. it’s going to be the roaring 20s when we. come out of this you just wait it’s. going to be. a bacchanalian frenzy of. sex and partying and well steve you know. why don’t you say it like that and i. suppose. some of that relates to age group right. there will be. people who are in a stage of their life. where they feel like they’ve been denied. this. exciting youthful party stage of their. life that will. go out and you know. do the biz with lots of different people. but there will be others i think in a.

Different age group who look at this and. go. oh that was what it was like to go. through a difficult time. without somebody but here’s what’s. interesting. on the other hand you had divorces which. rose rapidly in the early days of the. pandemic and have since slowed down over. recent months. wendy strugar says those getting. divorced at the time were couples. already in troubled relationships and. when they were forced to spend more time. at home together and interact more often. she says suddenly there was no escape. and they wanted out of the relationship. this in some ways is a sort of. interesting. uh juxtaposition isn’t it the idea that. you’ve got lots of people coming out of. the pandemic saying. i want a more serious relationship now. this has made me realize that i need. depth in my life i need structure i need.

Someone to be a teammate with me when. the chips are down when the storm comes. and yet we’ve just come out of a period. of lots of people leaving serious. relationships precipitated by. the proximity that people have had to. one another. the forced proximity i should say during. the pandemic there is an easy line to. take which is that the pandemic. exposed weak relationships and i think. that’s true for an enormous number of. relationships but i also think that we. have to remember the pandemic forced. a situation that no one would argue. is healthy for a relationship it forced. an artificial. level of proximity that no one would. design. in a relationship that we would say is a. healthy one. we talk about spending time with your. own friends or. getting out of the house having your own. lives not spending every minute of the.

Day together so of course what will. happen if you force two people into. doing that. there will inevitably be some. relationships that succumb. to the pressures of that but. i do think there are a lot of. relationships during the pandemic. that made people realize that they were. more in love with their partner’s. absence than their presence in other. words for a long time the relationship. had survived on the idea that. this is my boyfriend this is my. girlfriend here’s who he is. here’s who she is and as soon as the two. people. were forced into a situation where they. were confronted with with each other’s. presence. they got to know who that person is. today they got to know. what it’s like to actually have to. really cooperate with that person under. immense pressure immense stress. what it’s like to be a team with that.

Person to. figure out and cooperate with boundaries. in an environment that is. inherently difficult so i do think that. made a lot of people realize. oh wow this isn’t the teammate i need or. can stand over a long period of time and. it made people wake up to that sooner. than they otherwise would have realized. i also think that whilst there are. plenty of relationships. that buckled under the pressure of the. pandemic. there will be a lot of relationships. that began in the pandemic. that buckle under the freedoms of normal. life afterwards. there will be relationships that worked. when two people were. confined to their own bubble their own. world. and it was felt like a sort of cozy. space. unthreatened by everyday life and then. when life opens back up. and they’re faced with all of the normal. challenges of a relationship.

Of being out amongst other people the. opportunities. uh the shiny things then. some of those won’t last what comes out. of this for me. are two really important lessons. one the right relationship. should be robust enough to handle. a change in seasons you can’t have a. relationship. that only works when everything’s going. well when both people are healthy when. everyone’s happy when there are no. existential challenges. you want to be in the kind of. relationship that isn’t constantly. threatened. by a change in circumstances and the. second big. conclusion it takes me to is if a lot of. people are looking for something more. serious now. there may be the danger of panic buying. a relationship. coming out of this and what i hope for a. lot of people is that. we’ll all take the time to look at the. last year and say.

What traits would have been really. really valuable in a relationship during. this time. teamwork patience. empathy understanding a. genuine ability to cooperate someone. accepting our flaws. us being accepting of somebody else’s. flaws. the ability to argue well to. disagree constructively so many. relationships. begin because of the shiny aspects. of a person or of a dynamic you know a. shiny aspect can be. just crazy chemistry or it can be a. person’s. charisma or it could be how good looking. they are. and what’s i find sort of fascinating. about. the early stages of dating and. relationships is that the person that we. show off to our friends. and our friends all get excited about. isn’t necessarily the same thing as the. person who would make a great partner. what we can do is look at the last year. and either from a meta perspective say.

Why did a lot of people break up. what was missing in their relationships. that they didn’t anticipate. when times were good and how will i not. make that mistake or on a micro. personal level we can look at it and go. what qualities would i have. really wanted to have in somebody during. this time. because it’s really easy when. life is moving at 100 miles an hour and. we’re distracted. by our work and how much stuff we have. to do in a day. and we’re only dating someone for one. night or two nights a week and they just. show us their most charismatic self. during that time it’s. really easy to make a decision about who. we spend time with long term and who we. have a relationship with. based on ultimately superficial. and unimportant characteristics. that don’t contribute to the happiness. of a relationship long term.

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