Polyamorous Dating

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Okay so in this video we are going to go. back to the time when I first started. dating women after we opened up our. relationship which was in a word awkward. that’s how I would describe that time. for me I would say probably for you it. was amusing because that’s what online. dating is like so yeah we’re gonna kind. of dig into that and kind of explore. what it feels like to date after you. haven’t for a really long time. okay so basically you’ve started dating. and things have changed a lot since you. were 19 okay look I am currently 32. right yeah is that right. pretty sure okay 32 when Rob and I met. when I was 19. online dating was not a thing apps were. not even a thing yet so the landscape. has changed things have changed a lot. and I didn’t even casually date back. then I met Rob and we were like. immediately together I only had two.

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Boyfriends before that I never went on. dates so not only was online dating not. a thing I had done but just dating in. general was brandnew to me so it was a. big scary experience okay so why don’t. you describe like like what the process. was for you in terms of like what apps. are using insights and and profile and. photos and because there’s a lot of. thing yeah well I was extremely. motivated and I think for people who. have dated online you know that it can. take up a lot of time you can do it. casually or you can go all in and I. really really really want it to go on a. date with a girl so I had bumble I had. her which is a specifically LGBTQ women. dating app and then I also had a profile. on OkCupid. which was known as being particularly. good in the Pali community like that was. a place where there were a lot of people.

So I had a lot of apps that I was. working with and on my profiles I always. wrote that I was married and that I was. poly and that I had kids I’m pretty sure. that I always put that on my profile. because I just wanted to make sure that. people knew those things about myself. that might have been a dealbreaker. I was definitely aware that for a lot of. people that’s a dealbreaker you’ve got. a husband that’s a deal. breaker that’s fair so I was upfront. about that but I didn’t make it like. front and center right I think I talked. about the fact that I was a photographer. and I liked ramen and I think those were. my big two things that I led with which. remained to be very true about me one. thing to mention about my profiles and. both this whole experience that was very. unique for my situation was that Rob. like was involved he took a photo for me.

That I used on a bunch of my profiles. and I would write my profile and then. take it to Rob like what do you think. you know like the whole process was made. considerably less scary because I had. Rob to help me he was there for all the. really terrifying parts for me which. were like the first time I actually like. DoubleTap to like someone or the first. time I had to message someone because I. had matched with them and stuff like. those were really really terrifying. moments for me and I remember like Rob. being a really big part of my. encouragement like encouraging me to do. it and stuff and so being poly made it. scary because I knew this was like a. thing that a lot of people were gonna. maybe kind of be weirded out by but it. also made it easier because I had this. support there with me I wasn’t by myself.

Doing these scary things so that was. cool okay so you got your profile set up. and you got photos you have a bunch of. dating apps what come what came next a. lot of work it was so much work and I. think that was something that I wasn’t. really expecting was that like working. to find a date especially when you are a. girl wanting to date girls with family. well you probably but like even just. from. other people I’ve talked to like the. pool is much smaller when you’re queer. when you’re straight most people on. dating apps are straight especially like. bumble like the big mainstream ones and. so I have friends who are girls and. looking for men and they’ll have like. 200 matches or 200 people like in their. queue and I would have like one every. other day like it was a lot of work just. to find people to talk to and then if.

You online dated you also know that the. vast majority of those conversations. just fizzle out not so in the like three. months that I was doing it I was like. working really really hard to try to get. dates and I was getting you know most. conversations would stop some people. once I like made checked in to see if. they knew I was poly they’re like oh I. missed that in your profile no that’s. not cool for me like okay we would go. our separate ways I had multiple people. we’d set up a day and then they canceled. on me a bunch of times but eventually. you you were successful yes I did. finally get a date with a girl we got. there after a lot of work and then that. was nerveracking that was nerve-racking. and it really was just whoever would. talk to me long enough without. disappearing at first I wasn’t very. picky I just wanted to go on a date with.

A girl but you were also brave enough to. ask people out that’s true that was. always me I don’t know if anyone asked. me I think I asked everyone out because. like I said I was highly motivated to. make it happen so I just after chatting. for long enough just did the thing asked. them out usually for coffee for the. first date and yeah that meant that Rob. had to babysit well not babysit but Rob. got to hang out with the kids at home. while I went off on my meeting and it. was very awkward do you want to talk. about. more about you know what your dates were. like with the people you you dated. before before I leave for you medleys. dating girls is sometimes confusing. because for me a lot of the dates felt. like you were going for coffee with a. friend and just talking for hours and. that’s what it felt like for the vast.

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Majority of them there wasn’t I looked. back on a lot of the stuff I had written. I kind of kept a little journal for the. first few months and a lot of times I. was like am I going to like dating women. am i gay like this is confusing because. I don’t feel attraction to these girls. and we can sit there and talk for three. hours because you know that’s what women. do I think like it just you have a lot. in common just naturally especially if. they’re people that you’ve connected. with at least on a base level online. like we just could talk about stuff and. I didn’t seem too hard to talk for three. hours but it was like there was no. attraction to them so at the beginning I. was quite confused I still didn’t know. for sure if I was gay because I wasn’t. having a lot having connections I wasn’t. connecting with people and I had never.

Really connected before and so I was. mostly just confused but then I did go. on a date where I was attracted to the. girl which was very thrilling and I was. very excited and then she goes to me you. dated her for quite a while no that was. a different girl okay so there’s a. couple girls you dated yeah the first. one ended up ghost’s in Union so ghosts. things a terrible thing please don’t do. it. it hurts so bad it may be sort that the. first girl we had a wonderful date just. connected so well had a great time or. charged with her. yep and then she was like yes let’s get. together next week I’ll text you. tomorrow and. she never texted me and I waited and. waited waited for a week and never heard. from her and then I texted her and it. was like what happened and she’s like I. freaked out that’s another thing about.

Dating girls is that some of them are. just seeing if they want to date girls. and then they can freak out if they’re. not sure if they’re gay where is that. this part I was pretty sure like I. really wanted to have a girlfriend so. it’s kind of it’s hard anyway. she apologized for ghosting me which was. like you know where I was kind of it. was nice it was nice to get that closure. but it still sucked and then then I. started dating another girl and we. actually dated for a month and then she. ghosted me we find a dated for two. months and then she just stopped talking. to me so if it was really tough and that. was not a way that I ever approached. dating I had to tell quite a few girls. that I didn’t want to see them anymore. and I always told them I couldn’t. imagine like you have to just craft that. message and yes it’s a little bit scary.

But like it’s not so hard to say hey I. had a great time but I don’t think this. is the connection I’m looking for thank. you for your time and I wish you all the. luck in the future. feel free to use that that’s what I. wrote it’s not that hard but just don’t. goes people that that was horrible but. like the one thing that I had written. down was that being with Rob took a lot. of the pressure off of dating like even. when I was being ghosted I was still. with my husband every day you know like. I still have some perfectly happy to she. wasn’t cranky at all wasn’t sad and. crying but no like Rob was there to. console me. you know like pet my head and say it’s. okay and but it was really nice so it. was like a really a way to make the. really hard parts of dating not so hard. and I wasn’t thinking that I needed to.

Find you know a longterm partner or. anything because I already had one I was. really just looking for someone that I. would enjoy spending time with so that. was one thing that made dating while. poly quite nice even throughout the. horrific ghosting periods so just sort. of back things up a little bit because I. we kind of skipped over a little bit I. used it against her a little while as. well and I don’t know if we really had. similar experiences or maybe we kind of. did I found it to be utterly. souldestroying just like that’s the way. that I would describe it you know. looking at people’s profiles and just. like swiping no on them and just passing. judgment that like I found that to be. incredibly emotionally and. psychologically draining experience to. the point where I just I couldn’t do it. anyway can you speak a little bit to.

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What that was like for you and how that. situation might have been a little. different because you you were looking. for women and you also have to like. baggage of family um it definitely I. think hardened me a little you do have. to be quite judgmental and um I think it. was interesting to see how you know I. think I started off very picky and then. realized that the dating pool was quite. small and so I had to be less picky but. I don’t know maybe I’m just more. judgmental than you I didn’t find it I. didn’t find that part hard per se I. think I found the parts where you know. people would stop talking to me or. people just didn’t seem interested like. that part the like constant rejection. you did not. stay on the dating app long enough to. experience that sure and that was the. part that was really hard because I.

Wasn’t used to it. and it really took a lot of like I was. reading selfhelp books like by the. stack like literally a stack this high. while I was dating just to try to get. through the experience and not like feel. like awful about myself so it was a. really really hard experience and this. guy I guess it’s my first date that he. goes on from a dating app so I mean we. both I think I dated for three months on. the apps before I met Elise and you. dated for a half second to be fair. though like I was in the process of. deleting everything because of how. anyway I couldn’t have kept on doing it. neither of us did it for all that long. comparatively for how long. most people do yeah I’m so like huge. credit to people who stick with it. because it’s very very hard and I do. think you need some support I had Rob I. had other friends who were incredibly.

Supportive and would text me every time. I had a date and ask how it went like. you need a tribe around you to help you. get through it because it’s so hard and. you need to you know be reading books to. help you find selfconfidence because it. can destroy it but you need it to do. well so it’s just it’s hard it’s like an. efficient way to meet people but also a. really really hard way to meet people so. props to everyone out there doing it. stick hang in there guys so this was a. pretty good looked at what Lawrence. approach to dating was like before she. met Elise if you have any questions. about dating women when you’ve only ever. dated men or dating online when you’ve. never experienced it or even just dating. when you’ve never really dated make sure. to leave a comment we’d love to hear. from you guys and subscribe follow us on.

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