Well hello and welcome to understand men. now. i’m jonathan asley of jonathan.com and. i’m so excited to be shooting this short. video for you today. our topic why men come running. when you lean back now really quickly. before we get started. if you’re new to my youtube channel. please hit the subscribe button and hit. that bell so you get notified of new. content. okay let’s talk about those 50 wait. 50 is it 50 or is it. fifty percent of men. who keep who come running when you lean. back. okay so now i know many of you have. heard this term. leaning back you should lean back you. should be in your. feminine power and you should lean back. when a man. feels distant when a man ghosts when a. man runs away when. when he pulls away when he gets scared. all these things is you’ve been. so told by so many coaches to lean.
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Back because by leaning back he’s gonna. rush in to come see you he’s gonna come. running in. to see you or to be with you because. you’ve leaned back you’ve created that. space you’ve created that space. to make him want to miss you because. there’s this. fantasy that when we miss someone we. fall in love with them. and i’m here to say ugh that’s such a. crock of we don’t fall in love when. we miss you in fact i’ve shot a video. about. one of the myths about uh how men fall. in love and the whole concept. missing but i want to lean in to this. conversation of leaning back now. on some level leaning back makes sense. if you’re a woman who. comes who puts in way more effort. than the man puts in effort then it’s. important to come back to the 50. so i want you to think of like a. football field i’m a man i’m going to.
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Think football terminology i know. thankfully a lot of women love football. is. there’s two goal posts and in the center. is the 50yard line. and if you guys are right at the 50yard. line you’re right there together. that’s the perfect place to be but if. he’s over here and you’re always coming. here. that you’ve passed the 50r line then i. do recommend. leaning back to the 50yard line of. effort in other words. effort should be mutual it should be in. other words. fluid if he puts an effort you put in. effort if you put an effort he puts an. effort into the relationship you’re. investing. equally at the 50yard line of. relationship. so there is some value from this. understanding of leaning back is. from the perspective of if you’ve given. too much to come back to center. great advice love that however many of. you been conditioned that this.
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Leaning back is going to make him come. toward you. and that’s true for 50. of the men who have a needy anxious. needy attachment style okay actually. even avoidant attachment styles will do. this because here’s the problem. when you’ve leaned back internally he. feels abandoned. it’s going to trigger a lot of his. potential abandonment issues. and he may rush to come get you but it’s. not from a healthy. place it’s not from a healthy place. that’s why that advice is so bad because. all he’s doing is. reacting to your abandonment and he’s. going to come. forward and try to get you so he’s going. to go past the 50yard line to come get. you. and as soon as he does he’s going to go. back to his old behavior. this isn’t a healthy way to initiate. a really successful healthy relationship. in fact if you’re not familiar with the.
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Come forward. it’s already a dysfunctional. relationship. and i’m here to say ladies and i know. you’re not going to like what i’m about. to say but. i think 97 of people are just up. myself included it’s just a matter of. degrees. we have some people on the incredibly. emotionally unhealthy realm. those narcissists those sociopaths those. bipolar. and and borderline personalities men and. women alike okay. and no disrespect to them i’m just. saying they’re deeply troubled. and makes them difficult to be in. relationship then you have those all the. way at the other end of the spectrum. that are relatively secure. they’ve healed their childhood wounds. and traumas they’ve recognized that they. take personal responsibility for their. choices in their own life. so do you see where i’m going with all. this is every. most everyone is in the middle and a lot.
Of dating advice is. designed to trigger the unhealthy. emotions with us. that comes us running back because we’re. in fear. and not because we’re deeply in love and. i’m here to say that everyone has to. begin. by falling in love with themselves first. hence why i wrote my book. what the heck is selflove anyway i. wrote this book because. when a healthy person or at least. someone who’s healing. and is working on emotional healthiness. is meeting someone else that’s. emotionally healthy. emotionally mature they have a better. chance of being a relationship so you. don’t have to play these. leaning back games to get him running. towards you. because he’s only running towards you. because he got triggered. by abandonment issues most likely. and that’s not meaning and you’re going. to go through this dysfunction. over and over and over again this is why.
It’s so imperative that you. this is why i’m a big proponent my book. talks about it. is beginning a daily practice of. personal development. selfhelp and spiritual work so you. become. confident in your sovereignty you retain. your. power because what i’ve witnessed with. so many women you give your. power away to a guy you you basically. you pay your income it’s incumbent upon. him for him. it’s incumbent upon him to love you for. you to feel good. about yourself and the minute he has. doubt uncertainty fear. and god forbid he projects that on to. you. his doubts fears and uncertainty it’s. going to create a whole chaotic mess. just understanding i’m just here to talk. about the leaning back advice. it’s designed for you to come back to. center. and it’s not a manipulation technique to. get him coming back. okay and quite frankly it’s really.
Designed for you. to lean into your own self love your own. empowerment. don’t give your power away lean back. into your. own power because when you’re in your. own power. then you should attract a person that’s. also in their own power and you may not. be able to fix the guy that’s got. attachment issues. but you can certainly move on to a more. healthier relationship. once you begin unloving on yourself and. that’s my invitation for you today. okay all right i’m sure you have a lot. of questions i’m sure some of you are. even going to. argue please post a comment i want to. hear about it. ask a question i read almost every. comment i do my best to respond. so feel free to get a conversation going. and if you feel like this had value for. you and you’d like a little more of a. personal touch. hit the button below to learn about.