Hi everyone I’m dr. Jeannie Bertolli. relationship and divorce trainer and I’m. Tyson panchak family law attorney. welcome back to our video series today. we’re gonna talk about dating while. separated this is a huge huge thing. going on and Ty is gonna start with a. warning. that’s a divorce attorney it’s usually a. horrible idea. I get calls from people all the time who. things were going well and they put. something somewhere or their ex heard. something or their soonto-be ex heard. something and it blew things up because. they thought they’d handle the emotions. they thought they were ready to move on. and they weren’t or the other party. wasn’t so as a divorce attorney. my recommendation is always don’t date. while you’re separated wait until your. divorce forget it you’re crazy this is. my protection to die I know you guys I.
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Know if you’re out there this is the. hugest trend I see I see it in my. professional life and I see it in my. personal life people who are separated. they’ve been not feeling romantic not. feeling like they’re getting enough sex. and they are ready to be loose and they. are finally free from what they have. thought was binding them and they want. to have fun gosh they want to have fun. and man do they want to have sex so they. are not gonna not date no matter what. the divorce attorney says so this is a. huge trend you know it you love it we’re. gonna talk about it so if you’re gonna. do it be discreet cancel your Facebook. account or you don’t put it on Facebook. account you can’t don’t be vining or. tweeting or posting or anything about it. you’re just your people lose their kids. over it they spend tens of thousands of.
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Dollars over it they post a picture of. themselves at a nightclub and they’re. not even actually dating anybody but. there’s an attractive person in the. picture with them holding up a drink and. it blows their case up so if you’re. gonna do it be discreet and have some. integrity around it you want to talk. about integrity yeah I think to me the. best thing to do is to let your ex know. especially if you had since you’re. separated in the separation process some. separations are different than not. some separations people think that. there’s still a monogamy attached to the. marital relationship and so you want to. be clear with your ex so that you guys. are on the same page so that there’s not. some false expectation going on and that. they’re not feeling misled so you just. want to kind of make sure hey we’re on.
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The same page we’re both going to be. dating other people and that way it does. sort of manage the emotions of the other. person if they’re if they are triggered. by seeing something and then of course. keep it off of social media of all kinds. even if you’re doing online dating keep. it separate from social media because it. just your kids could see it other people. could see it other people could have. their own reactions it’s just not a. great idea. so that’s what I think about integrity. yeah and a lot of times you know you you. think you’re separating your spouse. thinks that yeah it’s a trial separation. and you might get back together and now. you’re cheating on them right and so. when I say discreet that discreet is not. does not conflict with integrity you if. you want a no these are grading ya know. what sure that’s showing that you can.
Tell your spouse yeah I’m dating we’re. separated what do you know that erupted. Lee you don’t never happen you don’t. need to run you don’t need to rub their. nose in it right that’s what I mean by. discretion is is you don’t need to brag. and that that’s nonsense. that’s just destructive yeah and so by. discreet he doesn’t mean lie backdoors. that kinds of things the screen just. means you know keep it relatively. lowkey don’t put it in your spouse’s. face yeah okay and then I wouldn’t I’m. gonna say no that it’s gonna be bumpy. right here you are and you think you. have most people do think they have. control over their emotions think they. know what they’re doing is they start to. date next thing you know they’re really. attached to someone they’re really. clingy or they’re feeling really clinged. upon by somebody else and you don’t.
Really know how it’s all gonna go for. you but I can promise you is it’s going. to be bumpier than you think your. emotions are going to be different than. you think especially it’s just the way. it goes that there’s been some void and. when that gets filled by this next. person it can feel amazing you can feel. like skyrockets and it can feel like oh. my gosh this is what I’ve been waiting. for this is what I’ve been. looking for and you can get overly. attached to and clinging to that next. relationship that other person may. respond with equal clinging or maybe. repulsed by that so just know that. there’s going to be don’t be repulsed. know that is going to be a bumpy ride. and that you know there’s gonna be lots. of mistakes made and that’s just the way. it go so want to manage your own. expectations of your experience I’ve.
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Been through it and there’s a period. where you think I’ll never love again no. one will ever like me again I’ll never. do as good as I did before and then. you’ll find someone and you’ll like them. and you’ll be crazy about them and then. they’ll dump you and you’ll be it’ll be. way worse than your divorce yeah cuz. this person was the salvation first you. lost your soulmate and then you lost. your real soulmate but you lost your. first one for so you could find your. second one it’s devastates more than. bumpy it’s I mean it’s it’s miserable. right so so then so if you do get. attached it might work out it probably. won’t work out and from the guy who said. don’t it’s a horrible idea. I know lots tell the story wait you guys. wait for this so when I met CEO he’s. dead why are you stuttering she had only. been separated briefly and her friends.
And therapists all told her it was a. rebound and she shouldn’t be wasting. your time and don’t get too attached to. him and bad idea 12 years and we’re. we’ve never been happier and things only. get better and we have this amazing. relationship and I’m the rebound guy so. so mister don’t don’t date while. separated his wife now was newly. separated and look at that smile on that. face what could be better. I’m really glad you guys are so happy me. too and if you like this video click the. subscribe button below and we have a. whole series for you remember divorce. sucks we can help. you. if you’d like good I’m sorry that’s your. piece no we should click cut there okay. okay wait so what are we saying like and. subscribe is next okay. so if you like this kind of video. subscribe button below and we’re gonna. have one for you all the time so much.