Is Dating While Separated A Sin

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Hey everybody it’s me. hope you’re having a great day hope this. finds you in the middle of a wonderful. day i’m lisa the love coach. at lisa the love coach on instagram and. uh today i’m talking about. advice for a guy who was getting. divorced and he’s thinking about. dating while getting divorced he was. separated. from his wife for two years and he’s. like in the mood to date. and he wanted to know how to go about it. and i’m going to share what he. shared with me in his love life. assessment so if you go. over to lovequestcoaching.com i do these. free love life assessments it’s a form. you fill out you ask me questions i give. you answers. and i am going to share the plight. of uh this guy. from chicago i’m gonna get into this so. that i can share with you give you guys. some time to jump on some time to. like and share like and share so that.

People can find. this information it can be helpful to. them. we’re going to get into this we’re going. to get into this this is about dating. while going through divorce. all right here we go so he begins by. telling me. that he is currently going through. almost finished with. getting divorced he’s been separated. from his wife a long while and they. recently he recently decided to date. he connected with someone that he really. likes. but he has this intense fear. of being ghosted being left and it. causes. anxiety huge stress on a daily. basis this dude clearly is codependent. i want you guys to pay attention to that. right if you feel. any kind of anxiety any kind of. attachment to the outcome when you’re. dating and you’re just freaking out if. this person doesn’t call you oh my god. are they going to ghost on me.

That anxiety is an indicator that you. might be codependent right so that means. that you. are connected to the validation. attention um worthiness. that comes from someone else’s. um attention on you basically. is is one way that codependency. reveals itself the one way it manifests. there are many ways many different. things. you can see but this is one for sure. when. soon as i see somebody saying i have a. fear. of being ghosted i have a fear of being. left. there’s like abandonment stuff going on. and it causes a lot of anxiety. i understand how to curb this energy and. it definitely helps to keep the. relationship. going but it’s really hurting me on the. inside so this is somebody who is not. living authentically they’re not showing. up in the relationship authentically. he’s showing. an okay energy on the surface on the.

Outside but inside he’s. anxious and it’s conflicting energies. so the person feels that doesn’t feel. safe. and for whatever reason bounces. ends the relationship i don’t feel like. i’m ever going to achieve happiness with. someone now this is a belief. that this guy has so here’s what his. reality is right he’s living in a. reality right now. where number one he is afraid. that people are going to leave him. number two he has a belief. that he doesn’t think he’s ever going to. be good at love that he’s ever going to. find happiness with someone. and the third thing is he’s in divorce. energy he’s in divorce energy right he. has to heal from that he has to process. that go through that process um. heal from the divorce really. get good with yourself right and then. start dating a lot. of people make the mistake of dating.

While. sad dating while lonely dating. during divorce separation i’ve been. there i was dating people. i was separated and i was doing it for. an escape. and i wasn’t paying attention to what i. needed i didn’t know how to soothe. myself. everything was external and so once you. have the opportunity. to turn it inward and really commit to. your own healing. that’s when magic starts to happen in. your life. what patterns do you see in your love. life is there anything that happens over. and over. he says being left and not having. boundaries. so this person is definitely codependent. when you it’s another sign that you’re. codependent is. very loose or nonexistent boundaries if. you struggle with boundaries. meaning you say yes when you mean no and. i don’t just mean sexually although. sexual boundaries are very important i’m.

Talking. anything from talking on the phone past. a certain time this is your time you. want to cuddle up. i’m going to be cuddling up on my. beautiful. delicious comfy cream puff the sofa. but let’s say you know it’s 10 o’clock. at night and i’m chilling. watching some documentary or something. and the phone rings. and it’s you know some dude that you. know i’m in a relationship so if. my man calls me at 10 i’m going to pick. up because i have a relationship four. years whatever. but if i was just dating some dude and. it was early. in the relationship it was just kind of. you know the beginning. stages i would probably start to have a. boundary. i most likely would have a boundary. until i knew this person better until i. really. developed trust and rapport and i knew. that you know we were on a certain level. together i would probably not accept any.

Phone calls after 9 pm. that’s my time that’s my time for me to. relax to unwind to. you know just be with myself and hang. you know. i don’t know if i want to entertain you. know the late night conversations i’m. just. you know i might i might put a boundary. that way other people might put. boundaries in other ways some. another example of a good boundary is um. some people want to get to know somebody. to a certain level before they invite. them to their home. they want to see their home but they. when they want you know them to see. their home but they don’t want to just. be like. first date boom come on up let’s have a. drink they want to. develop rapport they want to ask more. questions they want to find out. what is going on with this person before. they extend the invitation. to have them in their home so anytime.

You see those types of patterns it’s. codependency and you definitely want to. handle that. he’s also talking about trauma from past. relationships. which ruins his current life this is. someone who has. not healed from the traumas of past. relationships i would imagine. this definitely contributed to his. marriage how he showed up in his. marriage. and why he is now getting divorced. what three questions do you want answers. to regarding to your love life. and i’m just sharing with you the. questions that are asked in the free. love life assessment that you can take. at lovequestcoaching.com. so the three questions that you want. answers to with regards to your love. life. and he says how can i work more towards. selffulfillment. another flash another flash that says. you are codependent. is you just don’t feel fulfilled within.

Yourself everything that brings you. fulfillment. when you’re codependent you are. dependent on things outside. of yourself to feel good. it’s friends it’s distractions it’s. dating. it’s lovers it’s partying. shopping all of these external. things to soothe is what codependents. typically look for. and it’s very depleting and it is not. fulfilling. because fulfillment true fulfillment. comes from within comes from inside. these are things that i had to learn the. hard way honey. and now through coaching i am able to. share the wisdom of my journey. save people a bunch of time in theirs. and. help them through these very realistic. things that people go through in life. so second one he says is how can i get. used to being alone. a lot of people struggle with being. alone a lot of people. don’t know how to revel in their.

Solitude. they don’t know how to um make the most. of their time. get really busy set goals that are. juicy and delicious and incredibly uh. passion high passion goals where. if you’re not with other people you. could. focus on the things that you want to get. done things that you want to accomplish. for you. the greatest antidote to loneliness is. busyness and i don’t just mean busy for. the sake of being busy i mean. purposeful um busyness you know i’m busy. with my business i’m busy writing. there’s always. something i can be doing to learn to get. better something i can read. taking in a good book i. definitely had a problem a long time ago. in my 20s definitely of being alone. i was the girl who would lillypad jump. like a little froggy from one. relationship to the next. one was winding down and i had already.

Somebody waiting in the wings and. that’s fine i guess you know when you’re. kind of experimenting with dating and. relationships and. you’re in your early 20s and you’re. trying to figure stuff out but. eventually. that little behavior gets old and it’s. very destructive. and it’s absolutely a sign of. codependency so. in this case this person asks how can i. get used to being alone. so you know it’s it’s a thing to. cultivate. you know if you can’t be alone and revel. in your solitude. then that’s a problem and you know. selflove is the best love. and that just shows that there’s a. misalignment there. right there’s a need for external. validation there’s a need to have. somebody around. i would imagine that something happened. to this kid this guy. when he was young that really triggered. an abandonment trauma. so a lot of people who are codependent.

Later in life. you can trace it back to abandonment. traumas. even parents who may have been super. super. needy putting their agendas and their. needs. above yours as their child and making. you. responsible for their happiness so. there’s a lot of that. um and the third one that he says is how. can i become more desirable. i don’t need to date tons of women i. just like one person to spend time with. and get to know and have fun with. okay so you become more desirable. when you become secure in yourself and. it’s actually an energy that when people. are. very secure in themselves and they love. to be on their own and they can revel in. their solitude and they don’t really. need to be with someone but they want to. be they just. you know have it to give they have their. life. set up in a certain way where they know. that they have it in them to give.

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In a relationship and they’re ready to. be in a relationship. um when you’re coming at relationships. from that healthy place. as opposed to i want to be with somebody. why can’t i be with somebody with a very. heavy energy a heavy attachment to the. outcome. um you’re going to be more magnetic. you’re going to be more receiving and. open to receiving really good people. good people who aren’t predatory people. who are also healthy you know. and and open and wanting what you want. to. um i ask on this uh love life assessment. again you can take a love life. assessment at my website. it’s for free it’s lovequestcoaching.com. that’s lovequestcoaching.com you’ll. click a button that says. free love life assessment when you click. it you get these questions and you’re. free to answer however long you want. how would you describe your ideal.

Relationship i ask this question because. i like to know. where people are at in their knowledge. of what it is they want. and so i asked this openended question. and he says. honest and fun i’m a really simple. person i just want someone i can talk. openly with. be excited with learn new things with. them help them achieve whatever they’re. looking to achieve and be a team. now i’m reading this from a perspective. of language. so when i break this down honest and fun. okay so when somebody is asking for. somebody who’s honest. oftentimes it’s because they’ve been. betrayed. so they’re looking for somebody honest. um i’m a really simple person. i just want someone i can talk openly. with so that tells me. that he’s into connection through. communication. and he wants to talk openly which means. that he probably has been.

Judged in the past he feels judgment he. wants to be able to speak. openly and he wants somebody who can. hold space for him. now the best way to attract somebody who. can hold space for you. who will be loyal who will be open and. honest is to be loyal open honest. and an advocate for yourself so if you. want somebody to hold space for you you. have to learn how to hold space for. yourself. because that’s how then you’re able to. teach other people how. to hold space for you what do i mean by. hold space i mean. giving you the platform to say anything. to speak freely to speak authentically. to. share your truth um how would you. describe your. reality okay learn new things help them. achieve whatever they’re looking for to. achieve. so codependents are very outward looking. right so notice help them achieve. whatever they are looking to.

Achieve so a lot of codependents think. it’s. their job to fix people it’s their job. to help them achieve and prosper it’s. not. it’s your job to support them and. and assist and be encouraging. and believe in people but to. have it where you’re so enmeshed in them. where you have a. personal stake in their success. a connection to the outcome you could. want the best for somebody. but ultimately it’s their doing it’s. their choice. to pursue what is the best for them. so typically people who are codependent. it’s i want to help them to achieve. a person who is not codependent will say. i want to support them in their. endeavors. i want to be a good support to somebody. i want to encourage somebody as they go. for what they want in life. it’s a very different language and. therefore a very different. intentionality.

So you want to be very careful of that i. did a lot of work on this back in the. day that’s why. i’m talking about it now language is. everything. especially when you’re setting. intentions for manifestation. to attract that person to vibrate on a. level where you are going to be a. vibrational match. for that which you want language is very. important. what do you think keeps you from having. your optimal. romantic partnership this is a great. great insight that i get from people by. asking this question. it’s um you know it really tells me a. lot. about how people are selfreflective. so when i ask what do you think keeps. you from having your own up. having your optimal relationship it puts. the focus. on them it shows are they selfaware. and this person wrote me and said i’m. actually not even sure. so the reason why he.

Is not sure is he’s going through a. divorce he hasn’t had the time. to selfreflect and really get to know. himself. now this person is in their late 20s. they got married very young. and typically when people marry very. young and by very young i mean. under the age of 35. they are very. emotionally immature still. it’s very rare that you see people it’s. it’s not. like not possible but it’s rare that you. see people in their 20s with the. emotional maturity. required and the self actualization like. knowing who you truly are um to. thrive in in a marriage a lot of people. who are younger who have children right. away. who are you know in that they’re very. rooted in faith. those are the marriages that you know. thrive or the ones where they might be. young but they’re very faithbased. marriages they’re very soulful spiritual.

Marriages. so that’s a whole other topic that i’ll. get into. um for my couple so if you like this. channel you like what you’re seeing. you’re catching me on youtube. hit the like hit the subscribe hit the. comments do whatever show some flowers. so give me a thumbs up. and you’ll be um you know alerted hit. the bell notification and you’ll also be. alerted to when more videos come up. um how long was your longest. relationship. what did it teach you if you’re in your. longest relationship. presently what has it taught you so far. so he just answers four years doesn’t. expound nothing nothing more i find that. when people are giving very tight. quick answers they’re not aware of. themselves. you know the people who really spill it. on this assessment they really go in. there. they’re typically the people who end up.

Becoming um. you know part of enrolling in my. programs i have several programs. um i start everybody off with a very. nice deep dive. either 60 minute or 90 minute intensive. it’s nice you get a lot of clarity. we have a very deep conversation you. come away with tools and. things that you can actually put in play. as soon as you hang up the phone. and that’s where we find out too how. serious you are to solving the problem. that you want to solve in your love life. in your relationship. and then we explore if coaching is for. you no pressure no nothing but you know. sometimes people do one of these and. they love it so much. that they want to really handle the. things that they see are holding back. and they’re holding them back in their. lives. so in this case this man was in. something for four years. um you know decent amount of time.

Obviously probably his marriage so i i. would be curious. to know more about him and especially in. his earlier years. his you know two years old to 12 years. old those. that time frame i’d love to know more. about what happened to him how he was um. shown love from his parents who taught. him about love who taught him about love. himself. who um and trained him to be codependent. where did that come from. so these are the deeper dive questions. that we would get to and the answers. always glean some sort of dot connection. where a breakthrough can happen right so. when you know a lot about yourself and. you start to really look at. the roots as to why you are the way you. are and the way you show up in. relationships the way you do. then you start to really be able to. connect some dots and that’s where the. healing starts.

So what are your personal goals aside. from your love life. what would you like to improve in your. life. and he elaborates a little here and says. i’d love to continue to improve my. relationships with friends. i also want to continue to get in better. shape i’m a former. high school athlete but had struggled. with my work schedule to stay in shape. so this is yet another way to tell of. codependency is putting. everything above your selfcare. people who are codependent they will put. their jobs they will put other people. they will put everything ahead of their. own selfcare and their own well-being. and they do this because they’re. relationship people they. value relationships so much that they. think. that if they do something for themselves. that they will risk. losing that relationship or make someone. angry.

Freddie W and Jack

Or be less available for a relationship. and the first person that you have to. take care of. is yourself the relationship with. yourself is your number one relationship. and then that relationship is what then. helps you manifest. whatever other relationships you’re. going to have in your life from a. healthy. harmonious very purposeful place. so i hope that this helped you out i. love sharing these letters that come in. because typically these are the people. who. fill out the free love life assessment. over at lovequestcoaching.com and i’m. able then. to share things that they’re going. through because they’re not alone. and other people can say hey that’s me. too i i don’t like being alone i’m. feeling lonely coven kicked my ass i. don’t know even how to rebound from this. i’ve been coaching a lot of people. around loneliness these days.

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