Fat And Dating

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I had kind of a like a finesse situation. going on with how i was curating photos. for my dating profiles. there was this one guy i went on a date. with have you ever felt. disappointment from people before. without them opening their mouths to say. a word. it was it was an energy and i felt it. immediately. when i got to the restaurant and when he. saw me my little feelings was hurt. what is going on if you are new to my. channel. welcome i’m jess and on this corner of. youtube. i like to share my health and weight. loss journey. and today is going to be a different. kind of a conversation. so i have wanted to for a while talk. about some things that kind of relate to. my weight loss journey that are a little. bit more. out of my comfort zone and two topics. that had. immediately came to mind thoughts on. body positivity movement.

Fat acceptance movement healthy in any. size all those. everything that falls under that. umbrella and dating. any experiences as someone who has been. overweight. very overweight um my entire life and. also why i am choosing. not to date on my weight loss journey. and i did a poll. on my instagram story and. the dating topic got more votes and so. that’s what we are going to be talking. about on. today now onto the topic. at hand so dating okay. you guys um i think it makes sense for. me to first. talk about my experience overall just. dating as someone who has always. been a bigger girl i’ve never had. positive. experiences dating just to be honest and. to be. transparent i have not had good dating. experiences and i’m not going to say. that that’s completely tied to my weight. because that’s not the only factor. however i would be lying if i were to.

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Say that my weight didn’t have anything. to do with it because that is a. lie so i’m going to be honest. uh in this video as it pertains to both. my experiences. as well as my opinions and my. observations and again opinions are like. buttholes we all have them but i’ll be. sharing some opinions on today. first so you guys i have not dated or. really had any. like legitimate involvement in that. area since i was 27 and i will be. turning 30. in two months so it has been around. two and a half years since i dated since. i have. just been involved in general with. anyone and. this this was very intentional. so i will say i do regret wasting some. time because i would say that first. year to that first year year and a half. when i. was like when i realized i was like i am. done. because what had happened was i melted. down a little bit.

As it pertains to you know. the last my last involvement in that. area of dating or you know. and i was like i am done. i was like i will not. date until i lose this weight and when i. say lose this weight it’s not even just. the physical weight it’s like the. emotional. weight because for me and this is not. true for everyone you guys this is not. the case for everyone it’s just case for. me. but for me being 100 pounds overweight. was representative of a bunch. of that was going on up here. with me and it represented. a complete like no grasp of anything. no selfcontrol no self-discipline no. standards no selfesteem. that’s what this was for me physical. weight the 100 plus pounds overweight. was like the physical embodiment of all. those things and that’s what i realized. and my selfesteem was so low my. confidence was so low.

I had no standards and it’s not. just because i wasn’t necessarily happy. with my weight. or the way i looked or my energy levels. all the you know things that were. um due to having all the excess weight. but my selfesteem was so low because i. just. did not have a lot of these qualities. that are actually so important to me you. guys. so this journey it’s just i’m really. enjoying it overall because it’s helping. me kind of like. really get firm on my identity. who not only who i am but what is very. important to me. not only qualities and traits that are. important for me. to have but it will be important for. whoever i end up with to. have it it’s nice to kind of start to. get very. crystal clear on that so let’s talk. about you guys i did. quite a bit of dating in my early and. mid20s like dating going on dates with.

Different guys. you know i have never been in a. longterm relationship. or anything like that but i’ve you know. gone on dates i’ve been involved with. guys. you know i’ve been involved for like a. period of time and things like that but. you know i’ve never had like oh i’ve. been in a relationship this guy for like. two years that. that has never that i have not done that. but. in terms of the dating that i did so. most of it was through dating apps but. there were still times where i would. date guys. um who approached me you know in real. life like at the mall or wherever i am. right. and i’ll quickly touch on those guys. first so the guys that i. would you know i guess give a shot. that would approach me in real life were. never. guys that i was actually attracted to. and so essentially because i didn’t have. standards and my selfesteem was low.

I was just essentially wasting time and. for me dating is a. uh this is gonna sound so negative you. guys. dating is like labor intensive. especially when you’re someone who likes. to you know. put it together and oh you know i like. to look. a certain way um i’m a little high. maintenance. right so it’s just kind of like it’s a. lot of work. it’s a lot of energy and. i don’t particularly enjoy. i haven’t enjoyed it it’s funny because. you never know who’s to say i won’t. enjoy it now right but then. i did not enjoy dating at all you guys. so it was a lot of work a lot of energy. and so. going on dates with guys that i wasn’t. genuinely genuinely interested in was. not a good use of my time i know some. women like to go. on dates and just be like oh it’s a free. meal even if they’re not interested. that’s that’s not my ministry you guys.

Like i can buy my own food i’m good i’m. straight. so um but i would just do it just. because i felt like it’s what i should. do. oh you know when it’s like you just give. you just. give someone the time of day just. because they’re attracted to you. when on the flip side men don’t do that. they don’t. and you guys i’m speaking from just you. know. um heterosexual kind of like just. straight men woman sort of thing that’s. just because that just speaks to. me for what i’m talking about in my. experience so i’m just. talking as a woman and just my. experiences just stating. men so you know men don’t. do that men don’t be they don’t settle. unless they have to. so you know what i’m saying so it was. like. it was nice because i got to a point. where i stopped just giving people the. time of day just because they were. giving me the time of day.

Now fast forward into modern day dating. and getting on these danny apps. y’all okay so whoo let me um. let me go ahead and get ready to tell. y’all what i did because i am not going. to put the blame on these guys i am. not in any way shape or form going to. place the blame on these guys. i have a high level of selfawareness. and i feel like i always have. and i know what i was doing when it came. to these dating apps. so like a lot of other people because i. know a lot of other people do this i. know. i’m not the only one who has done this. but. i had kind of like a finesse situation. going on with how i was curating photos. for my dating profiles. and so i was of course trying to get the. best possible. angles you know for the very few like. you know full body pictures that i would. include but i really really. include like full full body pictures it.

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Would mostly be pictures. of me from like here up not even. necessarily selfies. but you guys i will say even me at. heaviest weight being 100 plus pounds. overweight. i don’t tend to put on a ton of weight. in my face or even in my neck like even. when i was 250 plus pounds. i didn’t gain a lot of fat on my neck. because you know it’s very interesting. so it’s really easy to finesse and be. giving like. size 12 if i just include a photo from. here up when i was like a size 18. 20. and i knew that and i was strategic. and that is just you guys the worst. thing you could do do not be trying to. be like a semi it’s like i wasn’t a. fullfledged catfish but it was. enough of a catfish because. this is just my opinion you guys. it’s not that weight is one of the most. important. factors as it pertains to attractiveness.

With. you know potential dating partners. that’s not what i’m saying what i’m. saying is. it can be a major deal breaker for a lot. of people especially a lot of men. and so especially if you’re like. teetering out of a spectrum so when i. say teetering out of a spectrum what i. mean is that. i feel like for most men it’s not. necessarily like everyone likes um. oh crap you guys right. but it’s kind of like i feel like. there’s a spectrum. right and it’s not that like all men. like thin women. or slim women or that all men like slim. thick women. i you know i say slim thick because. that’s kind of i feel like that’s kind. of the beauty standard these days. um i don’t really subscribe to that or. feed into that i think that all. body types and body shapes are beautiful. but it just seems like in the media and. all these places it’s just like everyone.

Wants to be. you know slam but have just a little bit. of weight in all the right places and. again i put that in your quotes because. i’m like what the heck does that even. really mean right. um i just am a proponent of being. healthy. being somewhat fit being you know in a. healthy. range for your height that will lower. your chances. of having a bunch of chronic diseases. later in life that’s. it’s my stance on it but i feel like. there’s a spectrum. where it’s like whether you’re thin or. slim. to having some weight on you to being. overweight. and somewhere in that spectrum where. you can you can do well with dating but. i feel like once you get. past a certain point on either end of. the spectrum. whether you’re like deathly thin right. to looking like. you know there may be some disorder. eating or you know. all the way to the other side where you.

Are 100 plus. pounds overweight i feel like on once. you get past. both ends of these spectrums. you’re going to have a harder time. attracting quality people. that’s that’s my opinion and i’m not. saying it’s impossible. because it’s not you guys do not get it. twisted. but i just feel like it’s harder. especially when you. really really struggle with weight. especially when you are 80 100 plus. pounds into the obesity range it is more. challenging. you have to try harder i’m not talking. about overweight i’m not talking about. 20 30 even 40 50 pounds overweight. that’s not what i’m talking about i’m. talking about 80 100. 150 plus pounds overweight and i hate. that it’s that way. but it is you guys and so. what i will say is that that is a huge. problem. i could because i was 100 pounds. overweight you guys. so i was trying to give the illusion on.

The abs. that i was only like 50 pounds. overweight. when i was like 100 pounds overweight. and that’s a stark contrast that’s the. difference between. having a few some extra weight to being. a bigger girl. and some people and i hate it but a lot. of people you know. they’ll have their qualms or whatever. about that right so. there was this one guy went on a date. with you guys and he was. he was i would say he was he was exactly. my type. physically and i hate to have a type. physically it’s not that i have a set. type and i’m not going to go and see. what that is because i don’t know who’s. watching this and how many people think. they could weasel their weight their way. because. they you know giving too much in terms. of what i tend to. be attracted to but he was my type. physically and based on what i could. pull from his personal life from his.

Profile he seemed to be my. type from a personality standpoint as. well and even with values and character. traits and all that. so we got on the day and there was a bit. of an awkwardness i could. you know when you can feel. disappointment have you ever felt. disappointment from people before. without them opening their mouths to say. a word. it was it was an energy and i felt it. immediately. when when i got to the restaurant and. when he saw me. because i knew what the heck i was doing. and this taught me a valuable lesson to. never do this you guys but. yeah it’s just trying to appear you know. slimmer. a lot a lot slimmer than you actually. are in real life. we got through the day he he was cordial. but this man i couldn’t believe the. audacity. that he had but he was very honest and. forthcoming and did share. that i looked a little different in.

Person he’s like i mean you look. your face looks the same. but you look you don’t you look. you know slimmer in your photos and. y’all. like whoa this is when i was like 24. 20 25 something like that but my little. feelings was hurt. but i but you know i mean i thought it. was a little rude. to tell me that but he wasn’t lying. because i was trying to do that and it’s. like i would go on these dates hoping. it’s not that i would hope that they. wouldn’t notice because i knew they. would. but i was just hoping that they would. like my personality. because i thought you know i’m like oh i. think i’m pretty i thought that they. could get past it. but as i said earlier this is a this can. be a jailbreaker for people. it sucks to say it but this is this is. actually. can very much show you a deal breaker. for folks so this is just you know.

One guy but overall. my dating experiences were largely. negative. and it was a culmination of things you. guys again like i said in the beginning. of the video it wasn’t just the physical. weight. but it was a i would say almost like. identity issues. and just typical things that a lot of. people struggle with not just. people who struggle with weight but. selfworth issues. no standards no confidence. all of all that jazz i remember i melted. down a little bit. with the the last person i involved. myself with. and i was like it’s time to bow out. i’m done i was like i’m done i don’t. want. any involvement with anyone i will not. be involved with anyone until i lose. this weight but what i do regret is the. amount of time that i wasted because i. told you guys that i stopped dating and. stopped. in everything when i was 27 but i wasted.

Like a year. a little bit over a year just not taking. any actionable steps not. doing anything to move me towards. becoming. the best version of myself again not. just losing weight but in a bunch of. other areas as well. so it wasn’t until my 29th. birthday you guys when i turned 29. i don’t know what it is about turning 29. but it’s like oh i am almost 30.. i i don’t know like i i turned 29. with no i had no idea what was going on. at all just i just had no idea. it’s not that not only i have no real. dating experience but i was just like i. feel like i don’t. it’s not that i didn’t know who i was. because i got. it’s like i knew but i wasn’t willing to. embrace it like even me being on youtube. running around. 100 miles per hour chatty patty this is. who i am baby this is me. um i like to make stuff i like to make.

Videos i like to talk and rub my mouth. i like to pretend like i’m beyonce hence. me dancing for weight loss like this. is me and it’s just like i don’t know. why i could not just be myself. and embrace that fully so it’s like i. turned 29. i was like that’s it i’m doing me. in in it i’m doing me in its entirety. it’s fullness i am going to be doing me. and. i am just going to really learn how to. embrace. who i am and i am going to cultivate. some of these skills and traits. that are important to me and that i. lack that are the reason why my. selfesteem was. on the freaking floor so. i was like okay i don’t have. so this is what i realized about myself. you guys i had. no selfcontrol no self-discipline. no standards no emotional. stamina no emotional intelligence. i had none of these things right this is. why i was.

All over the place this is why i had so. many issues with emotional eating. this is why 100 plus pounds of the. weight so i was like all right so the. weight is just gonna come off. because i’m getting ready to take care. of all this stuff. i can’t take care of all this stuff and. be trying out younger dating it’s not. going to work. i need to focus and so. i stay you know i stepped out with the. game and i just started working. you know on myself you guys this is why. i i attacked. eating first i attacked eating first. i was like why am i doing this why am i. doing this and it was. really challenging at the beginning. because it’s like. i would get upset or even sometimes i. just wanted to date but i was like that. i know logically that’s not the best. decision at that time. so i would get upset or i would want to.

You know. in the earlier phases things might get. under my skin and i would just want to. eat but i would have to take a step back. and start to be more aware and more. attentional. about what i’m doing be like why do i. want to eat am i actually hungry. no so i learned how to start not only. sitting in emotions. but start questioning why i’m feeling. away. start looking at myself even if conflict. arises with other people. are they really the problem or am i the. problem. because sometimes that was the problem. but sometimes there was a problem too. sometimes they were the problem. sometimes it was both of us. but you know just learning myself more. and trying to improve. myself and my. uh conflict resolution skills. more than with other people within. myself. allow me to explain you guys i was in. this constant battle with myself.

Like i want to do this but i keep doing. that i want to be this. but i keep doing that it was this very. weird. dichotomy it was like i want this but. this is how this is where my decision. making is. why are my decisions not aligned with. what i actually want for my life. like and this is why i was an emotional. eater and this is why. and it was the domino temple effect. emotional eater. because i’m an emotional eater this is. why i feel like i have no self control. this is why i have no self worth because. i have no self control. and this is why everything is a. show so. peeling back layers and just figuring. all of that you guys. it takes a lot of focus and it takes a. lot of energy and introspective all this. kind of stuff and i just. didn’t have the space to date. and so in the beginning of my weight. loss journey it was kind of like.

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I was still dealing with just. selfconfidence as it pertains to how i. look. heavy i’m not gonna lie like i was like. i don’t like how i look. and i don’t have any energy and i don’t. like how i feel i don’t like the way i. look in clothes. i don’t feel like even getting myself. together. so in the beginning like when i was at. my heaviest weight um. that is why i wasn’t dating. that’s not the reason i’m not dating now. now that i’m. halfway to my goal that reason has. changed because i no longer. struggle with selfconfidence. selfesteem self-worth. um can’t nobody tell me nothing now and. it’s really refreshing because i’m not. at my goal weight. i’m not even out of the 200 yet y’all. i’m still in the obesity. range i mean i’m moving kind of out of. it but i’m still. in the obesity range and it’s just kind. of like i still.

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I don’t struggle with selfconfidence at. all. anymore because. i don’t have issues with selfcontrol. anymore. i don’t have issues with i don’t have. a lot of the emotional issues that i. used to. have and a lot of the things that used. to get under my skin the stupid stuff. and how i let people ruin my day that. doesn’t happen that doesn’t happen. anymore. there’s so many things that used to. bother me that i don’t care about. anymore i don’t care you guys and i’m. telling you when you get to that point. it’s like i could get out there and date. now because the things that i was the. most concerned about are no longer. issues for me. however it’s more of an issue or not an. issue. it’s more of an uh focus than for me. like. now like staying focused and. saving my energy for just this journey. because i i would prefer.

If not crossing the finish line be. close before i start dating because. i’m a little rigid right now you guys. i’m a little rigid like i’m still y’all. know. calories i cap off like in the first. half of my journey you know the first. half but like the first four or five. months. you know my friends no i’m not going out. to eat no. i’m not going because i was like i’m. freaking miserable and i want to lose. this weight so. i was just not really doing anything. that was going to distract me. or i didn’t even want to be off track if. i could control it for even a day or two. so i was very very very very rigid i am. still. quite rigid but now it’s like i’ll give. myself like maybe two days per month to. go out like i’m going. i’m gonna go to brunch you guys with one. of my close friends after i finished. filming this.

Video and um i haven’t been out to eat. with her. oh goodness gracious it might it might. have been like two years not just. because of the pandemic but. you know so um yeah it’s like but if i’m. only trying to go out to eat max like. twice per month. while i you know finish this and all. that kind of stuff. it’s just kind of like how am i really. supposed to date when a lot of dating is. gonna revolve around food and there are. creative ways that you can. date you know you can go hiking or. whatever i’m not really trying to go. hiking with somebody i don’t know like. that even though i love to hike. i don’t trust people like that but you. know you guys i know there’s other. things you can do that. that don’t revolve around food but. a lot of it is going to revolve around. food and i don’t want to have to explain.

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Myself in the initial phases of getting. to know someone. i don’t want to be all like i’m counting. calories you know once you get to. maintenance mode. as long as you don’t have like the same. binge eating issues or if you don’t have. the same severe emotional eating issues. if those are things. that had you with weight on you um. i just feel like you could. relax a little bit more and be a little. less rigid. you know because when you look at how. many calories for the most part unless. you’re really really. short or you know maybe an older person. or things like that because different. things affect. how you lose weight or how you maintain. your weight but. you know if you’re like a normal like an. average height like i’m i’m on the. shorter side but i’m 5’4 i’m still. relatively young. you know i don’t have to have my.

Calories be. so low at this point in my life to. maintain a healthy weight. i just had all this weight because i was. eating astronomical amounts of food. especially sugar and eating. 3 000 plus calories per day. like it was nothing like and i that’s. not conducive for me being. you know the size that i want to be and. being the most confident version of. myself to be. out here dating you guys. so one more thing i will say is that. um i just want to be the best. version of myself and this could be my. perfectionism coming in it’s not that. i’m trying to because i’m never going to. be perfect no one is ever going to be. perfect. but there’s there’s a certain point i. want to reach. in terms of just like having things. together. and a level of decisiveness as well as. it pertains to what i want. not only in a partner but what i just.

Want for my life. before i get out there and i know that. the clock is ticking i don’t. i’m exactly all the time in the world. but. this is why i think it’s like my foot is. on the gas you guys this is why you all. see me i’m over here on youtube. i’m making my content because i i love. being a content creator and i. that is genuinely what i want to do um. and while i’m like let me hurry up and. get this physical weight off. dropping the all this emotional weight. so that i could be the best. version of myself so that i can attract. the best. person for me because i’m not and i’ve. never been you guys even in my heaviest. weight i have never been one of those. people that just feel like they need to. have a man. or just need to be with someone you know. those people who are just. they just be with anybody because they.

Just can’t be alone or they don’t that is not me that that has that has never been me i know i will gladly be i will be alone before i be with someone who’s not the right fit for me who is not the best person for me so i want to be the best version of myself that way i feel like it will be easier for me to attract the person that i would be the most compatible with you know whenever that is meant to happen so that is really it for today guys um i’m wondering can anyone relate to this you know because it’d be the wild wild west out here y’all like real quick i remember this one date that i went on this is when i was like 20 23 24.

And where we went was a place where. restaurants went around there was also a. ferris wheel. but this guy. he literally was like um. we met up right and i think i assumed. we were gonna go eat dinner but we got. there. and i was like oh you know are we gonna. eat and he’s like. no and i was like i’m hungry. he was like oh you really want to eat. it’s like he didn’t want to it because i. had no standards then i was just like oh. no it’s fine. so he just wanted to sit on the bench. and be walking around and talking right. and i’m not you know alluding to the. fact that. people have to spend money on you to. prove something on a date but it’s like. even if i say i’m hungry and you’re. still. basically like oh you don’t want to eat. i feel like that. is rude selfish. a hot ass mess but i just went along. with it. again you guys a testament to like.

Having no freaking. standards of any just no standards so. i just went along with it and i’m just. you know walking it was like a summer. day i’m walking and talking with this. dude. and i was like well i just want to do. something other than just walking around. so i was like. i asked him could we get on the ferris. wheel. i was like we should get on the ferris. wheel and he was like. how much does that cost. y’all like. i would say i knew even when my. confidence where it wasn’t where it. should be i knew. what i was and was not going to. put up with and i was just thinking to. myself. like who raised you i don’t. i’m sorry if you. are going on a date and you’re asking. how much does it cost to get on the. ferris wheel i think it was like 12 or. 15 bucks you don’t. you just shouldn’t date you shouldn’t be. dating. you need to get out the game as well and.

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