Hey guys welcome back to the Steph show. I’m Steph Kanaskie your dating and. relationship coach for men and in. today’s video I’m gonna be talking to. all you men who have been recently. divorced there’s three things I need you. guys to know so for all of you recently. divorced I’m gonna talk about these. three things in just a second but before. I do hit subscribe and the notification. valve so that you can be notified every. single time there’s a new video out in. order for you to get some value in your. relationship with yourself and with. women so the number one thing I want. recently divorced men to know is that. you didn’t fail as a man I talked to so. many guys who you know it’s not like. they’re emotional about it they’re just. like they just feel alright well I was. supposed to do I was supposed to keep a.
Family together and I couldn’t so. fail my job and it’s kind of. just that that feeling that they carry. along with themselves where this is all. my fault. and I should have done a better job. keeping the family together keeping the. relationship with my wife together. family unit brakes you wonder who’s to. blame and then go right to themselves. when really in reality its relationships. are a twoway street you know you can’t. do everything and I’m up saying it. wasn’t your fault if you’re you know. maybe you really up and that’s. why you’re divorced that’s why you got. to the point of divorce what I’m saying. is you can’t carry the burden of for the. rest of your life is I failed as a man. it’s as long as you’ve exhausted all. options and really tried to keep it. together then there’s not much you can. do you know so I really recommend that.
If you are trying to keep your family. together and you don’t want to break. break apart just yet you feel hopeless. or you don’t know what to do try to. exhaust all options really try. everything go see therapy hire a coach. you know come talk to me this is what I. do I hope guys give give them a sense of. clarity in terms of here’s what your. options are right now what steps do you. want to take what what looks most. enticing to you in order to progress in. your life and feel good about yourself. as a man and good about what you can do. for your family as much as possible. before maybe ending the relationship. with your wife the second thing I want. all recently divorced men to know is you. want to take time before your next. relationship so after you’ve been. divorced you a lot of guys will feel. like they have to fill this void or this.
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Guy. the worst thing to do is to right away. put someone in place of your exwife. because it doesn’t allow you to sit back. and analyze okay well what happened with. my past relationship that led me to. divorce that led us to getting divorced. what was it what was it about me what. was about my wife did we just have. different values that shifted was a. primary concern as far as a behavioral. issue when it comes to parenting the. kids so get back in touch with yourself. what are your values moving forward. where do values at this point like. really get in touch with who you are as. a man what what you value most. what’s a most important to you in a. relationship moving on from this what. really turned you off or really threw. you off when it comes to your wife or. your exwife now and what is it what. what is it that you won’t tolerate.
Anymore moving into the next. relationship because if you’ve attracted. your your exwife and she had certain. characteristics and traits then you’re. going to most likely attract the same. type as her unless you get your head. straight and say all right why didn’t. that work what can work for me how have. I grown as a man within this marriage. and what does that mean. has what has that changed in terms of my. attraction or in terms of my values or. what’s most important to me in order to. find a partner that most likely matches. that so that I don’t fall into. attracting the same exact type of woman. and having the same problems okay so. it’s it’s good to selfanalyze a little. bit for at least three to six months you. want to take time for yourself to get to. know yourself a little better especially. after being with a partner it’s really.
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Eyeopening to to sit back and say okay. well now I’m on my own again where am I. in my life where do I want to go who do. I want to be and also getting some. feedback like I said go see a therapist. go hire a coach just to get that outside. perspective of who you are and what you. want it’s really helpful to see to have. someone else look in on it with you and. help help you understand yourself a. little bit better than maybe think you. do and the third thing I want to tell. recently divorced men is to set. realistic expectations for dating in the. future a lot of people have this thought. process of diving in way too deep or. having these expectations of. alright I’m gonna start dating a woman. in the next month and we’re gonna be. serious and you just you play these. stories in your head we all do this. when you play this story in your head.
And then if you go out to a bar and you. approach someone and she says she. doesn’t want to talk to you then it’s so. much more damaging than if we were then. if you were to set yourself up for. success and feel good about that. approach and most likely do it again so. what I’m saying is set yourself up for. success in the dating world moving. forward after your divorce do as much as. you can to set yourself up for success. because this will make you feel like I. got this I’m back in the dating world. it’s not really not as hard as I thought. it’d be because it’s really not that and. your brain is able to adapt to the new. style of dating you know however if. you’ve gone 20 years without dating so. you’ve been with your with your ex and. now you’re freaking out your brain will. adapt you’ll learn you’ll grow higher a.
Dating coach like talk to me gal give. you some quick advice give yourself a. goal that’s very attainable. that’s not predicated on the other. person’s response so what I mean by this. is you can if you tell yourself all. right if I go out tonight and I approach. two women and say something to them. based on our mutual environment or what. we’re doing in the moment or you know. what she’s doing. and I and I do that regardless of what. she says back to me I’d succeed it. tonight I took a step I took a leap of. faith you know it was a risk I did. something out of my comfort zone that’s. good enough for me that would mean I’m. successful tonight and then you do it. and then it’s not like I said it’s not. predicated on the outcome of what she of. what she has to say because you can’t. control that so you really want it.
Setting yourself up for success it puts. you in the place of understanding what. you can control and base basing your. success on things that only you can. control okay because you can’t control. what she says back to you you don’t know. how she’s going to look look at you or. talk to you and like I said the more. feeling of success you can get in your. body when it relates to dating. especially after a bad breakup the. easier it will be to stay on track and. keep going and keep trying things and. keep expanding your comfort zone and. feel good about the dating world feel. good about yourself as a man feel like. you’re attractive and feel like you got. this because you do it’s really not you. know it’s not that hard it’s just. repetition you have to keep going. because dating is a numbers. playing with numbers here and rejection.
Is a big part of that so it’s just. getting used to that again setting. yourself up for success as much as you. possibly can okay guys so that is it for. today’s video you guys can find love. again okay can happen so don’t have the. thought like oh well I guess this is. over I’m gonna be single for the rest of. my life you don’t have to be if that’s. not what you want then set a goal for. what you want get clear on what you want. and in order to get clear it really. helps to get someone else’s perspective. like I said especially a female when it. comes to the dating world you’re trying. to understand yourself more you’re. trying to understand women more so if. you want to book a call with me. the first call is complimentary it’s 30. minutes long and you can go to info at. SG dating coach comm shoot me an email.