So if I’m nervous today I will blame all. the nervousness to the Indian man. because I’m talking about flirting and. all the Indian men are so nervous every. time they are on table with me so if I. know is so you know we’re to blame right. we don’t have much education in terms of. men flirting with disability all men. flirting in general I think so I was. browsing this amazing handsome guy I. swiped right I was like wow he could. drink a mug of beer in 0.29 seconds okay. and I was like oh I should definitely. experience a guy who can gulp beer in. like 0.2 nine seconds and I was like wow. and his handsome traveled around the. world and I guess definitely I am going. to swipe this guy right and the guy all. just swipe right woo years ago like. super duper match right and we go on the. first date wonderful lovely night you.
Know we talk about each other‘s you know. likes and dislikes and we definitely. snap with each other and I was like wow. this is happening. right and we meet again and again it. gets more closer and one day he calls me. home it’s like why don’t you come home. right I would want to take you home and. I’m like really it is happening through. tinder right. yeah and and I go home and they’re in. this lovely house you know of his very. had this beautiful you know garden and. stairs and his mum was also around which. made it a little more cliche but yeah I. said hello that’s it we didn’t talk much. to the aunt right we kept going and we. spent the entire night in the terrace. and it was lovely and we snapped really. well is it happening. this wasn’t a story of mine this was a. story of a very close friend of mine who.
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Shared her tender experience on how. dating happens this never happened to me. never right so let me rewind let me let. me tell you why. who is this lady here right what who is. who am i right really I have shackled. the stereotypes the myths and the social. norms off of women especially an Indian. women with a severe disability today I’m. here not to talk about my success. professionally I have a ten years of. successful kill here or I’m not gonna. talk about how I made it how challenging. you know was my life and how I I could. break through and be here to talk to you. all here right but I’m going to be. talking about love. disability intimacy men Indian men we’ll. get there soon. and relationship right and for the past. two to three days I have had lot of. internal conversations within me of this. topic right that is very very close to.
Me let me tell you I was a dropout kid I. was a drop out of school even before the. biology teacher taught you about the. reproductive organs which I didn’t. attend for that matter I was hooked to. TV I was hooked to video games I was. hooked to Michael Jackson right and I. knew love was in the air and I’ve dreamt. about love from the age of say ten eight. my early childhood because I was exposed. to TV I was exposed to many things but. the fact is right since I was a girl who. didn’t experience the world like any. other girl would do I was put away from. this community of you know people or. experiences and I stayed for a very long. time under four walls like those two to. be very frank I I was closed doors for. fifteen years so I would how’d I get all. the experiences of you know right. meeting management at school or may not.
College or men at I have no experience. there right my earlier class that I had. who was my neighbor right very cool kid. right I know I’m calling him kid sorry. back then you know we were the same age. I had so much of crush in him I. experienced the butterflies that every. women experiences I wanted to. you know you know meet with him every. day I wish I could see him every day. he did and he waved at me every day as. well. right and the class grew and grew and. grew and you know we started talking but. one thing that I saw is he wasn’t seeing. me the way I was seeing him he wasn’t in. the slightest crush whatsoever but I. wasn’t totally out of stock for that boy. and I was young and when I said him that. I really loved you at that age. see I did I still you know good get. access to all this when I told him that.
He said I thought you never knew about. love I thought you never knew about many. things that is associated with love I’m. like why why would you say that. he said you’re dropped out of school and. you’re at home and I thought you. wouldn’t associate me like that. I said I really love you I have that. feelings for you but soon it traded away. and he put me back bench in terms of me. wanting to approach a guy right pretty. soon I was closed doors thinking I. cannot approach a man because I do not. have that experience I was still trying. to identify myself to many people so we. I you know I completely you know. offtrack myself and I proved this world. I can do this I can go I can work I can. find a job for myself I Blake I broke. all the barriers that was around me. right and then for the past ten years. I’m out here socially I go like I hang.
Out in all the places I’ve traveled many. countries I’ve seen men who behave very. differently when it comes to comparing. our Indian men right. you must be wondering is Deepa gonna. lecture on Indian men today absolutely. yes I am we are like you know going to. definitely get Indian men hi I totally. agree that all night you know we cannot. change the Indian man stance of finding. the fair slim can cook canteen you know. ideal wife scenarios to dating a. difference but when I was out here you. know when I start experiencing the world. I was thinking what is so different in. our society that we can never break away. from patterns we can never break away. from ceará types it doesn’t matter how. you how how much you are out there still. you are biased and stereotyped. disability today is a biggest. disqualifier for having a romantic.
Partner or for having my mom of course. is very protective she’s protected me. you know guarded me you know so well. that she didn’t want and men to say no. to me so she’s she’s protected me. sometimes Oh protection also gets into. you right so she’s protecting me so much. and I’m like how mums. our Howard you know men outside. countries right when when I see a lot of. my friends in the US or the other. countries I have seen them reading very. normal life. women with the same severe condition as. mine. have families have boyfriends have. children have been there have done it. and when we look at a global scenario 51. out of 50 men right just one men out of. 50 would go ahead and date of women with. disability this is a global figure my. chances would have been even more better. if I was in another country my chances.
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Of getting hitched would have been. amazing if I was among the black white. men country like is Indian men scared to. date me is Indian men scared or. patronized all terrified about this. young empowered strong powerful women. maybe with me a slight differentiator of. disability are Indian them our indian. men scared of women who are empowered. who are powerful and were out there are. Indian men scare scare to day to us I. have to ask this question back again and. again so so today I’m gonna educate. Indian men of dating and women with. disability first of all you get a. different flavor different perspective. different idea and you break the pattern. when you experience something different. and we all agree with that different. experiences is what we look for right. so groundbreaking like ground rule. number one it’s about love and when we.
Are there on the table it’s about. knowing you knowing me time and let’s. not assume things let’s not take away. the gun. ahead to make conclusions right away. it’s about conversation it’s about how. do you take one step at a time right. and we even know better each other when. we start the conversation one step. slowly understanding each other so it is. about no you know me time rule number. two is you don’t want to like you know. talk about things like intimacy right on. the first date on a larger scenario. people with disability or physical. disability can have amazing intimacy. experiences and definitely it’s not. going to be your mind like a blocker in. the relationship it’s about probably. knowing what works best for both so you. don’t have to talk about it at the day. one it’s fine and you have to understand.
If someone is dating and you know. wanting to be dated I think the biggest. you know motion or success of a dating. definitely is the physical intimacy so I. think it is given but you don’t have to. have like a questionnaire of it rule. number two of course I love surprises. gifts I am the all of it right yeah we. all love that yes so that’s rule number. three I think Indian men needs to no. surprises and gives her the must yeah. and rule number four. it’s about me and not about my. wheelchair I understand when I enter a. room it’s mostly about the wheelchair. don’t patronize do not patronize about. about me my achievements I don’t need. the smothering around me I don’t need. how confident I am how intelligent I am. how progressive I am I do not smother. that and you know smothering or. patronizing me isn’t a very is it a very.
You know cheerful thing in honor dating. right I think it is about empowering or. it is about conversation which is more. lively right that’s rule number one. and the last rule the fifth rule of. course when you see all these rules I. think it definitely matches any woman. who wants to date do you guys want to be. smothered saying how beautiful then how. lovely always you are or do you want to. have a lovely conversation saying okay. that’s you know explore this let’s go. around you know we want to have those. kind of conversations so the only thing. that I would you know which. differentiates or a slight. differentiator would be do not overdo my. wheelchair I know I have attracted more. kids below five years and more men below. thirty about thirty five years only to. my wheels and my joystick right please. it’s about me and not about my.
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Wheelchair always nice and these are. some of the ground breaking rules that. you should go ahead and you know get. someone hooked to and I know I’ve been. you know like trolling on Indian men but. down design sometimes it is about you it. is about oneself on what how you want to. love yourself I think that goes a long. long way right and today I am here to. break away the pattern but. I think I have embraced myself well I. think I can you know get to the next. stage I would definitely want a man who. can take care of me love me you know be. with me and I hope I can grow old with. him as well right this is what I look. forward to but at the same time I’m not. breaking away from myself because it’s. about loving oneself it is about knowing. you know the life. it’s about flirting with life so you. know the ground rule again for everyone.