I still don’t know exactly where i’m. looking because i’m filming with my. iphone the lens i assume. is the little green dot let’s see if it. works this time yeah because last time i. was looking off camera the entire time. okay we’re back for video two with my. coffee in tow. i finally have some furniture. as you can see i have a couch very. fidgety with this jacket but. faux fur is a must for sensuality okay. so today i want to talk to you about. dating with herpes because this is. probably the most like touchy. tense. painful subject for people who. are either dealing with herpes or who. have been newly diagnosed with herpes or. who are worried about acquiring herpes. so many people who’ve had herpes for. years that have just like removed. themselves from the dating scene. altogether or who give up for periods of.
Time or people who just got herpes and. think that they can’t date now and. they’re not dateable and. something is now wrong with them they. are now tainted in some way shape or. form that could not be further. from the truth but the stigma is such. that that is one of the more prevalent. thoughts and concerns about getting. herpes. okay we switched. sides in my apartment because the light. is coming this way and we’re going to. listen to it baby i didn’t even. introduce myself but if you’re watching. this video my name is suze or suzebub. you can find me on tick tock at zoozbub. on instagram at suezbub with an s and. i’m a central guide i am herpes positive. i. talk about like sex and sensuality and. selflove and herpes all wrapped. together in a awesome little bow so. dating is one of the most charged. elements of the stigma i would say that.
Positive Dating App
Is the main thing everybody is worried. about when they acquire herpes or when. they meet somebody who has herpes. but mostly i’m speaking to people who. acquire herpes and their concerns the. idea is that you can no longer engage in. your. you know exploration of your sexual. sensual self you can no longer casually. date you will not find a partner who. loves you or who wants to spend their. life with you whatever it is that you’re. looking for in the dating realm a herpes. diagnosis or reminder that you have. herpes is like something that you can. easily use to perceptively rob yourself. of that thing and that thing that they. think they’re robbed from. in the dating realm. is different for each person because. it’s based on whatever their romantic. needs or desires are so some people who. are just looking for casual connections.
Will be like nobody’s going to sleep. with me anymore. somebody who is concerned with finding. like a life partner or a longterm. partner is going to be like nobody is. going to love me with this. someone who is looking to have children. is going to be like i’m not going to. find anybody who will want to have kids. with me i can no longer have kids. so that alone just goes to show you. that it is like. a fearbased thought or perception that. comes from the stigma none of it is. actually based in fact because if there. really was a significant change in your. dating life after having herpes like. let’s say you actually could no longer. sleep with anybody and doctors told you. that then everyone would have the same. fear understanding where the stigma came. from is so helpful in unpacking what it. is that you’re really afraid of or think.
That herpes is going to take away from. you. and what that’s really rooted in so some. of the reasons that having herpes. doesn’t have to negatively affect your. dating life. is because when you look at the. statistics and facts around herpes it is. such a common benign thing and i have. people occasionally try to argue with me. that like it can be in fact serious that. some people really struggle with it and. that’s not to invalidate anybody that. has a harder time with herpes but the. fact is that for the majority of people. who have herpes it’s as much as 75 to 90. percent there are no symptoms at all and. for the majority who have symptoms. symptoms are really mild so that could. mean that you get a flareup once a year. a few times a year every few years maybe. it starts to you know go down in. frequency as the years go on and your.
Flareups can be anything from like a. small rash and a couple blisters to like. one tiny blister that is barely visible. to the naked eye. i have inspected myself with a mirror. with some of my flareups and have had. so much trouble finding the actual sight. of the flareup i can just feel it so. the first reason that dating with herpes. is not a big deal and is totally. possible and plausible is because herpes. is actually not a big physical. encumbrance on your life the stigma. however is that alone is what’s mostly. gonna hold you back from dating if you. let it another reason that dating with. herpes is not a big deal is because. almost all of us have herpes you can go. back to my first video to learn about. like just how common and widespread it. is to look at all the stats if someone. is hellbent on avoiding dating people.
With herpes then this is what they. should be doing getting tested. themselves to see if they have herpes. and specifically asking for an hsc one. or hsv2 test which is quite hard to get. without symptoms or exposure. they should then be asking each of their. partners the same thing. and then requesting that their partners. haven’t had a single. other partner. or physical interaction. with anybody else. for at least three months prior to. account for any new. like transmission of herpes that. wouldn’t be detected by the test. and that’s like tricky because the test. might not detect herpes even if you’ve. had it for years i just want you to see. the comedy in that like that isn’t. possible like we aren’t screened for. herpes in routine scd panels so none of. us know our status until we have reason. to go get tested and confirm it so for.
Someone to say that they would never. date someone with herpes is like a flat. out lie. because they already have they just. don’t know. so maybe not so much a lie but just like. a gap in. perception and logic because they’re. already dating and interacting with. people who have herpes every day so. that’s reason number two that dating. with herpes is possible is because most. people. already have it and most people already. date with herpes they’re just not aware. of it so they have this like cognitive. shock when they learn like oh my gosh. you’re disclosing that you have herpes. to me do i want to invite that into my. life and yet the last person they slept. with they haven’t even discussed it and. they took a risk that was all the same. and then when people want to. differentiate between oral herpes and. genital herpes.
That makes no sense either because you. can just as likely if not more so. transmit. oral herpes to someone’s genitals as. you know genital herpes to someone’s. genitals so if you think about like how. much more common oral herpes is. like literally the majority of the. population not just more than half but. the majority and it can also be passed. asymptomatically you are risking it with. any oral interaction like oral sex right. how many people are requesting and using. protection for oral sex i didn’t even. know what a dental dam was. until i. learned about herpes and like was. terrified that i’d have to use a dental. dam for the rest of my life and for the. record you do not have to it is up to. you what level of protection you and. your partner decide to take on but tell. me how many times. you having given or received oral sex.
Have used protection and herpes is not. the only thing you can contract through. oral sex so that once again is to just. point out the error and logic. of someone being like i would date. someone with oral herpes but not genital. because you’re taking the exact same. risk a lot of people have cold sores and. don’t even equate it to oral herpes. aren’t even aware. of the risk and don’t even disclose it. to their partners okay the next reason. that you can absolutely date with herpes. is because you being a herpes positive. person who’s aware of that is arguably a. safer or just as safe a partner as. someone who doesn’t know their status. because so many of us are not screened. for herpes and have no idea whether we. have it or not. and because it can be passed and is. passed asymptomatically as often as it. is. with symptoms we having the awareness.
And knowledge that we have it can. actually do things to protect our. partners that someone who’s unaware. can’t so things like. you get to know your prodrum symptoms. the things that come up before a. flareup is approaching when you become. more contagious you’re most contagious. leading up to during and right after a. flareup so you get to know those. symptoms and then you can say i feel a. flareup coming on i’m going to avoid. any activity just like you would and. should if you get oral flareup coming. on you should not be. sharing drinks with people. kissing anybody or performing orally i. wonder if my neighbor can like hear me. because i can hear their dog. when their dog barks and. this would be a funny thing to overhear. it’s also not like because you have. herpes you are automatically going to. transmit it to somebody people spend.
Years with partners who are herpes. positive and don’t get herpes themselves. like i said people have unknowingly. slept with or interacted or dated people. with herpes who weren’t even aware of. their status themselves and didn’t wind. up getting herpes it’s not like a one. and done deal of course you want to be. safe and take whatever precautions. necessary but even if you’re in a. situation where let’s say you’re in a. committed longterm relationship with. somebody who has herpes and you’re not. using protection and you’re close to a. flareup it still isn’t a guarantee that. you’re gonna get it viruses are not like. we should know like from this pandemic. that they are not super predictable like. yes there’s things about them that we. understand and predict and we can like. safeguard ourselves but. they’re their own things okay so.
Those are just some modes of thinking to. like crack you out of the box that like. you can’t date because you have herpes. or you can’t date somebody because they. have herpes of course if you’re like if. you’re someone with health anxiety or. you have an autoimmune issue or. it’s really scary to you and you just. can’t get over like the stigma and don’t. want to educate yourself about it you. don’t have to date somebody who has told. you they have herpes right. they don’t have to date you whoever you. disclose to as long as they’re polite. and respectful or you in that position. are polite and respectful we never drag. anybody who’s polite and respectful but. i’m just saying. if that’s gonna be a deal breaker for. you. you need to like level the playing field. and. put. oral herpes in the same category and i’m. just letting you know that that is gonna.
Decrease your dating pool by like 80. percent having and discussing herpes. should be as lowkey and common and. normal as talking about having a zit on. your damn face most people have it it’s. not a big deal and i’ve had people try. to throw these like. rare cases to me and complications and. whatever. the same can happen on any. medication you’re on any virus you. acquire anything can like in a small. small rare percentage go haywire and. cause complications okay okay the other. thing i want to talk about with regards. to dating is like. how to approach dating when you’ve. gotten heartbeats right. the first thing i would say is like. really take the time. to process your diagnosis and heal. especially if you’ve acquired herpes in. some way that was like traumatic like a. partner cheated on you or lied to you or.
Purposely transmitted to you or was like. mentally emotionally or physically. abusing you. or if you were essayed like all those. things are a whole other thing to unpack. and unravel and heal from. hopefully with the help of therapy and. other resources but take the time to. learn about the stigma and where it came. from unlearn it for yourself get more. comfortable with your diagnosis. reconnect with your confidence and. sensuality and sexuality and like i’m. gonna make more content about this and. then. venture out into dating when you’re not. looking for validation because if you. venture out into dating too soon looking. for validation you could get burned yes. you might find some comfort in that and. i actually did do it early on for myself. not. right after i got herpes but when i was. newly single after acquiring it i did.
Disclose to a few people for practice. and it did kind of help me to see that. most people didn’t care but likewise if. somebody were to reject you in that. vulnerable state you could take it. really harshly and then be like . dating so when you go out into the. dating world figure out what it is that. you’re looking for we should be aware of. her communicating to partners what we’re. looking for anyway if that’s like a. casual situation or like a more serious. romantic involvement or just being like. open to what happens we should be. communicating that anyway because it. saves so much pain and hassle down the. road and that’s going to make it easier. for you to figure out how to disclose. which is the other major thing that. comes with dating with herpes that i’ll. probably make a whole separate video on. because depending on what you’re looking.
For and how you’re approaching dating. you might disclose in different ways and. at different times like if you’re dating. casually you might disclose right away. as soon as you make a match or feel some. chemistry coming on. and just be like hey like just to let. you know i have herpes let me know what. you think let me know if you have any. questions if you’re looking to date. seriously or you really want to vet your. partners before you engage in anything. maybe you disclose after a couple dates. or a first date when you’ve like gotten. to assess some of the personal chemistry. and see if there’s anything there some. people feel more comfortable disclosing. in person some people feel more. comfortable with text but there are. things around your messaging that you. want to like do and not do i have a link. in the description to a guide that.
People from the herpes subreddit put. together that is a guide to disclosing. that is incredibly helpful and has so. much good information in there but again. without making a whole separate video. about it. some things in the do section would be. like keeping it light stating it like. it’s anything else you would share with. a person. expecting. like the best possible outcome and some. things in the don’t category would be. not to like disparage and selfdeprecate. yourself in the eyes of this person. don’t say things like i understand if. this is a deal breaker or if you don’t. want to date me after this or if you. never want to talk to me again don’t. preface it as this massive big deal of. like i have to tell you something you. know really intense because think about. how somebody with a cold sore aka oral. herpes would do it and we’re literally.
Talking the same thing just on a. different part of your body that is. stigmatized only because it’s on a. different part of your body the other. thing i would say about dating is like. get comfortable with and accept a. healthy amount of rejection not because. you’re going to get rejected more for. having herpes necessarily like that is. an experience for a lot of people but. you know it can depend on how they’re. disclosing right like if you’re. disclosing to people and saying you have. this horrible affliction you understand. if they never want to see you again. that isn’t going to make it easier for. somebody to look past it they already. likely carry. an unreasonable stigma about it. themselves and a lack of education. so you are usually their first point of. contact with learning what herpes is and. how it works in general so the more.
Casually and. realistically you can present it the. better it’s going to go over. as opposed to like presenting it as this. massive horrible thing that i have no. doubt has had an emotional impact on you. but. is an indication. if it’s really hard and heavy for you to. disclose to someone that you might need. more time with it to like accept it and. heal from it and find your selfworth. and confidence again believe me i have. been there where i would burst out. crying telling someone that i have. herpes and that to me was just like okay. girl you need to step back you need to. nurture yourself for a while you need to. like unravel this stuff and then come. back when you’re feeling good again. rejection is just a natural part of. dating and i think it’s healthy to get. comfortable with it because we can be. rejected for all kinds of things and all.
Kinds of different reasons that have. nothing to do with herpes think about. how many times you got ghosted before. you ever had herpes think about how many. times you you know might have crushed on. somebody and they didn’t like you back. or like you. put yourself out on the limb for someone. and they didn’t take the bait like it. happens anyways herpes is just a. thing that you are you know putting with. your left foot forward and so it’s like. scarier to you that it’s going to be an. easier means through which someone will. say no but if someone’s really into you. it’s not going to matter remember that. people’s comments online do not reflect. reality people like to say online. to put other people down they like to. pick on easy targets but i guarantee you. that any of these people faced with a. person with herpes in real life that.
They’re attracted to would never say the. things they say and would a hundred. percent not decline them so bottom line. is. yes you can date casually with herpes. yes you can sleep with people with. herpes yes you can find love and romance. with herpes yes you can have children. with herpes and conceive children with. herpes. you can go back to my first video for. more detail on that stuff but like. herpes does not in any way shape or form. affect your fertility they take. precautions to ensure that you don’t. pass it to a baby you can still. deliver a baby naturally you can still. conceive like everybody else and not use. protection obviously because you have to. forego protection to conceive. traditionally you can choose what level. of protection and safeguards you want to. take with your partners in different.
Contexts the most important thing is. simply disclosing to your partners so. that they have a choice and so that you. can have that discussion together and. don’t let your herpes diagnosis blind. you from also thinking about your. partner and asking your partner when. they’ve been tested and if they know. their status you are not the bad apple. in the dynamic that’s the only concern. it’s also important not to settle for. anybody because they accept your herpes. diagnosis or to stay with somebody. because they’re used to your herpes. diagnosis. please don’t let it be something that. locks you into situations that you don’t. deserve i know that in many ways it held. me back from leaving a damaging you know. relationship because i was terrified to. be alone and terrified to face. the world being single with herpes again.
But i have never felt better more. confident more loving to myself more. appreciative of myself than when i stood. up for myself and took that step and. chose myself and got the out of. that situation and do me a favor and. don’t only think about like what you can. and can’t have being herpes positive. think about what you want from a partner. what you want to experience in your. dating life your standards should be. high and align with your values as a. person and what you want does the person. that you’re disclosing to exhibit like. the right amount of respect for another. person the right amount of humanity and. understanding of curiosity. of knowledge and education if i disclose. to somebody and they’re asking me what. herpes even is. that is a red flag for me if i’m. disclosing to someone and they don’t. even give like they care too little to.
The point where i have to convince them. to use protection and like they don’t. even want to have the sexual health talk. and they haven’t been tested that is a. flag for me determine what your flags. are. and what kind of responses will feel. good to you when you disclose and which. ones won’t and then people often want to. know like what my experience dating with. herpes has been and i can probably make. a longer video on that too. but in short like. literally nine times out of ten. everyone is okay with it they thank me. for my honesty sometimes they have. questions and they’re willing to learn. more about it i’ve never had anyone be. really rude the rudest thing i’ve had. happen with somebody unmatched in the. middle of the conversation because they. like they were like i’m running you know. what i mean and i know that a person.
Like that is someone i would never want. to go near because that to me. immediately says a lot about who they. are as people because again. there is a polite way to respond to. somebody disclosing something like that. if someone’s gonna like up and run and. unmatch in the middle of a conversation. they’re a little chicken who can’t. even be bothered to educate themselves. and is scared of something as like. ridiculous and silly as herpes it amazes. me how judgmental people can be about an. std or sti when they themselves have had. chlamydia five times or have never been. tested okay so i think that’s it for my. video um there’s probably so much more. that i can dive into about dating so. feel free to ask some questions in the. comments if you want me to go deeper. into any particular topic like i said i. think i can make a whole other video on.
Disclosing alone so there’s more that. i’m going to be talking about especially. around like finding your confidence and. sensuality again with herpes one thing i. want to do to end the video is respond. to a comment in my comment section i. think it can be like a fun little outro. um i’m probably gonna do a whole. reaction video to a bunch of comments in. the future so. let’s pick a random comment to react to. okay well i am gonna address this one. because i get a lot of comments from. people who are. like faithful christian catholic what. have you i grew up in a catholic family. so like i remember reading the bible i. remember learning about it i remember. going to church. so i have some. semblance like i have some recollection. of the teachings that they’re throwing. at me. to make me wrong about existing with.
Herpes but this guy used it as a. tool to put down my general existence. and selfexpression and how it was wrong. due to the bible teachings okay so his. comments said will you brag about being. hot pride you’re a sensual guide. adultery read the bible bible. look at your videos that’s how. the thing that’s so funny to me is how. oppressed men get about you. knowing and stating that you’re. attractive. two fun facts about me. yes i have herpes. and yes. i’m hot. and in general people will flip. selflove into narcissism to prevent you. from cultivating any kind of. selfappreciation and adoration as if. it’s a wrong selfish thing to do. our whole society. is like. based around constantly putting. ourselves down telling ourselves we’re. not good enough having advertising and. consumerism also tell us we’re not good. enough so when you want to counter that.
Dating With Herpes Site
And actually build up your selfworth. and confidence and tell yourself and. proclaim to the world that not only are. you good enough but you’re beautiful. you’re worthy you’re attractive you’re. amazing. it gets some men so angry but no. i should humble myself into. nonexistence that’s what i should be. doing sensual guide this guy doesn’t. even know what a sensual guide is or. sensuality he probably assumes that it’s. like code word for. um and sw i have nothing against and i. fully support sws our sensuality relates. to mindfulness and presence and finding. pleasure through all our senses and also. connecting with a selfcultivated. sensual selfexpression that makes us. feel more confident beautiful and worthy. in this world i don’t know how that is. adultery. like i thought adultery was when you. cheat which my ex did and people like.
This man. love to point at my selfexpression and. my videos and the way i like dress and. move around in my videos as like the. reason that i’m a blasphemous and be. herpes positive because my. character is what led to me getting. herpes in the first place that somehow. me being sexual and sensual and. confident in my body and my appearance. and who i am. led me to get herpes the funny thing is. i wasn’t even this confident and. selfexpressive until after i got herpes. because before i got herpes i was in a. relationship where someone was lying to. me and cheating on me you know i was. like quieting myself and silencing. myself almost to a point where i . disappeared so that is my response to. this bozo’s comment let me know if you. like that little outro if you want me to. do these with future videos. and what you want me to talk about with.