There’s an idea or a stigma that men get infused with as they’re growing up. See if you can finish this sentence. Nice guys finish what? Last, right? Or that all girls, all women want a bad boy. And while you and I know that’s not true because chances are, the man that you’re gonna be with or the man that you are with, you want him to be nice, right? You don’t want just the bad boy, but there’s something about that idea that resonates with truth. There’s a little bit of you want him to be nice, but you want him to have this other quality that becomes sexy to you, right? Well, the same thing goes for men.
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You see, there are nice girl qualities that actually diminish the attraction that men have for women. When women are too nice, it actually shows that they don’t respect themselves at the level that they know that they deserve respect. On the other hand, when you eliminate these habits, it shows that you do respect yourself at a level that demands his respect and also ignites attraction. So today, I’m gonna share with you seven nice girl habits that all women must break. Check it out. Hey there. My name is Mat Boggs and I’m the founder of the Love and Relationships Division here at the Brave Thinking Institute, where our mission is empowering people to create and live a life they love, and that includes your love life.
So if you like this video, I encourage you to click that little subscribe button, click that little bell, because every week, we bring you videos to empower you in your love life. Now, when you hear nice girl habits that we’re gonna break, some people have mixed emotions around that word nice and we’re gonna break you being nice, and know this. There’s different qualities of being nice. There’s nice for the right reasons that’s rooted in your authentic self and then there’s nice people being nice for the wrong reasons. It’s like they’re people pleasers and it’s rooted in a lack of confidence. So that is what we’re going to break today and the first quality or a habit that nice girls can break is saying yes to the instant relationship.
And here’s what I’m talking about. You finally go on this date with this guy and he’s handsome. He’s sexy. He’s attractive. He’s smart. He’s funny. And you’re thinking in your mind, oh my God, I finally found this guy, a nice guy. He’s not weird. He’s not crazy. Like, yes. And you start to get all excited on this day. You know what I’m talking about. You start thinking in the future. Your mind races into the future and starts thinking about living together. You start thinking about getting married one day. You start thinking about having kids and what your life is gonna be like. And you’re still on appetizers there at that dinner.
And so when your energy moves into, I want an instant relationship with you, like, I don’t even really know you yet, but I know that we could be together, it’s a complete turnoff to the man, because guess what? He knows he hasn’t made deposits into your life. He knows he hasn’t earned the right to be your man and he knows that he’s got all kinds of flaws going on in him. One of my friends was giving me an example about this. He was dating a woman. He found her beautiful and amazing and after a few weeks of dating, he was over at her house. They were gonna spend the night together and so they’re getting ready for bed and they’re both brushing their teeth and she looks over at him and says, "You are perfect." And he said he felt that his heart drop in that moment.
What a weird reaction to a compliment like you are perfect. He felt his stomach going to knots, but here was what was going on. He knew they’d spent really only four nights together, four dates together, and here she is, proclaiming him perfect. He knows he’s not perfect. He knows he’s got all kinds of flaws going on, and yet, through her lens, you’re perfect. And he is like, I haven’t invested enough in her. So what that shows is that her selfesteem was like, I’m willing to say yes to this guy before he’s actually earned the right to be my man. So resist the urge to let your mind futurize to such the degree that you’re like, I’m ready now and I don’t even know you.
And instead, let your man earn the right to be with you, because when he finally does win your heart, it will be that much more special. And number two is canceling your plans to accommodate his schedule. That is a nice girl habit that you want to break because here’s the deal. Let’s say a man calls you up last minute, says, hey, let’s go hang out. We’ve got this cool thing. My schedule just opened up. Let’s go on this hike together or let’s go see this new thing together. And you’ve got plans with your friends. If you canceled those plans because you’re like, oh, he’s available, let me hang out with him, and you jump to make yourself available to his schedule and you cancel on people that are your friends, those priorities in your life, it’s gonna send the wrong message to him because men, we value friendships.
We value integrity and we value doing what we say we’re gonna do. So while in the immediacy, he might like the fact that there’s the convenience of getting to hang out with you when he’s available, it also sends a subtle signal to him that you didn’t respect your own priorities and the own relationships in your life. Instead, let him know, you know, I would love to hang out with you. That sounds like a wonderful day. And unfortunately, I’ve got plans with my friends and I’m already committed. But when’s the next time we can hang out? While he might be disappointed he doesn’t get to see you in that moment, two very powerful things happen.
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Number one, you demonstrate that you’re a woman of integrity and that you keep your commitments, and number two, you make yourself scarce because you’re living your wonderful life, and guess what? When he finally does get to spend time with you, he’s gonna value that time even more. And number three is you try to get him to like you before you’ve even decided if you like him. This is one of the most profound lessons over the last couple of years. One of my clients was sharing with me that she had this awakening, this epiphany, this aha moment, where she said, oh my gosh. While she was dating, her selfesteem was at a level where she just wanted his approval, just wanted to please him.
And so when they would be on a first date with some guy, she would try to get him to like her. So she would only bring up topics that she thought he would be interested in and she would only share ideas that she thought he would resonate with and she would try to bring out the aspects of her personality that she thought he would really like instead of just being herself and bringing her whole self forth. And then she would realize, well, I don’t really like this guy and she’s gone through this whole song and dance to try to get him to like her before she even realized if she liked him. Instead, that’s what a nice girl does.
Why? Because a nice girl is focused on pleasing, the nice girl that isn’t rooted in deep selfconfidence. Instead, when you own your worth, you flip the script and instead of you just trying to be a certain way or show a certain part of yourself to win their approval, no, no, no, no. Anchor yourself in your true, authentic self, and if they like you, great. If they don’t like you, guess what? They’re not the right fit for you. And here’s what’s great from that standpoint because when you come from that place and you decide, do I like this guy? Is he the right fit for me first? If he’s not the right fit, then great.
Next. If he is the right fit, then you’ve set up a dynamic that actually creates a traction for masculine energy because the masculine loves to pursue. The masculine loves to try to win your favor and you’ve already set up that dynamic from the getgo. And number four, and this is a big one, is saying yes to sex before you’re ready. This nice girl habit is the woman, remember, she’s not rooted in a deep sense of selfesteem and so she’s in pleasing mode. She’s trying to win his favor by doing what he wants to do. And so this could be sex or this could just be fooling around with him physically before you’re ready, but if you notice you’re saying yes to fooling around, why are you saying yes to it? Do a little self checkin.
Are you saying yes to this moment because you want to engage in this moment or are you saying yes because you’re worried if you say no, he’s gonna split, he’s gonna leave, that he will actually, you think he’ll like you more If you have sex with him in this moment? Well, let me explain something. Men never like you more because you fool around. I repeat, men never like you more because you fool around. Fooling around, having sex without deep connection is like candy. Yeah, it’s gonna feel good in the moment. He’s gonna like it in the moment, but it doesn’t have staying power. It doesn’t have any lasting power.
It’s like you eat candy, it’s nice in that moment, but like 10 minutes later, you’re like, I need some more candy. I need something else. I need. Right? What creates that deep connection is having a spiritual connection, a mental connection, and an emotional connection. That creates the depth. So never feel pressured to do anything physical before you’re ready. Break that nice girl habit. Maintain your standard and boundary and let him earn whatever it is required as far as the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual requirements that you have before you’re willing to have sex with him or even just mess around with him.
It will earn his respect and he will feel that connection at a deeper level and that creates the staying power that you want in the first place. And number five, investing more in the relationship than he does. It’s real easy to think that you’re being kind, real easy to think that you’re being generous by saying, you know what? He’s busy. He probably just didn’t have time to text me back. I’m gonna text him and we’ll set up plans. I’ll make plans for this weekend. I’m gonna find the restaurant. I’ll do that. It’ll just be easy on him. No, no, no, no, no. That is a nice girl behavior that when you look at the root of that, it’s coming from a place of insecurity.
Why are you leaning in and bridging the gap? There’s often a subtle fear that if you don’t bridge the gap, the relationship will die. He’s not gonna text you back and that possible connection that you have with him is gonna wither away. So if you notice your impetus to bridge the gap and make those plans is rooted in a fear that if you don’t, the relationship might not work out, that’s a great sign for you to lean back and let him invest. Let him pursue. Let him show you his level of interest in you. And two things that are great that happen with that, number one, you get to receive, and number two, he’s gonna value the relationship even more.
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And number six, and this is a big one, is giving undeserved second chances. Now, it’s okay to be a person who offers forgiveness. It’s okay to give someone second chances as long as they’ve earned it, as long as they deserve it. And so notice that if you’re the type of person where you feel like, oh, I’m a woman who is nice. I’m a woman who’s forgiving. I’m a woman who is whatever the quality is and that is causing you to feel obligated to give a second chance, because if you don’t give a second chance, then you lose that identity in yourself, know this. He has got to earn the right to have a second chance with you and there’s a big difference between forgiveness and giving someone a second chance.
You can forgive him for something that he’s done and that means you’re releasing the resentment and releasing the negativity and no longer carrying it with you, but that doesn’t mean that he’s earned the right to get a second chance. So how has he behaved? What has he said? How is he trying to reconcile the situation that would earn a second chance? And only when he meets your standard, at that time, give him the second chance that he has earned. And number seven is selfdiminishing behavior and I’m gonna share with you two items here. One is a bit more obvious. The other one is a bit more subtle that’s not as obvious that you want to pay attention to.
So selfdiminishing behavior, it’s fun when someone’s selfdeprecating. They’re not taking themselves so seriously and you can both laugh at each other, but there’s a difference between selfdeprecation that comes from a place that’s rooted in selfesteem and worthiness and selfdiminishing behavior where you say things like, you know, I’m just not that sexy of a person, or, oh, I’m not beautiful or this and that when it’s like you’re fishing for compliments. That’s selfdiminishing behavior and it actually reduces the attraction in the connection with him. So break any habits where you diminish yourself.
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Make it okay to shine your light. Make it okay to feel good about yourself. He wants you to feel sexy. He wants you to feel beautiful. Own that, because guess what? He thinks you are sexy. He sees you as beautiful. And so when you own it and can have fun with yourself and not take yourself so seriously, that’s the magic sweet spot that’s highly attractive. The notso-obvious place that people self-diminish is with their time. There was a client of mine who was talking to a guy that she was interested in and they were connecting and talking and she was asking him about some information about rockclimbing that she wanted to do.
And he was like, oh, you know what? I’ll get you this whole report. I’ve got this whole report and I can send it over to you. And you know what, I’ll do that tonight when I get home. And she was like, oh, you know what? That’s okay. Whenever you can do it. Don’t put yourself out. Whenever you can do it. It’s fine. And that’s a subtle moment, but in that moment, what is she communicating? She’s communicating that his time is more important than her time. And a lot of it was in the tone and how she said it. It’s okay to be polite and make things convenient for people. But notice if you put him and his time on a pedestal over you and your time and you diminish yourself, that reduces your worth, your selfesteem, and really the attraction and connection that can be possible and that connection.