So what was your question Natalie my. question is if I should continue seeing. someone even though that spark I don’t. have that initial start with them hmm. well it’s a great question and I think. it goes to the heart of whether we feel. like we should settle for less than we. really want because so many of us I feel. like are we really want a relationship. we want to meet someone great and at. some point a lot of people tell us we. need to compromise or we need to not. have such high standards for what we. want not be so fussy and one of the. things that often goes when we start. deciding that we really need to settle. down now is our hope for chemistry our. hope for real attraction and we start. saying well they’re a nice person and we. get along well so should I just throw. the idea that there has to be that.
Sexual chemistry out of the window my. question to you would be this firstly do. you think there could be chemistry with. this guy or do you really not feel it at. all and secondly if you can’t feel it. and you don’t think you will do you. think you could spend a lifetime without. having that it’s something I’ll have to. think about that but that’s do you think. that you did you could have chemistry. with this guy. eventually I I think so so what do you. think is stopping it now um. I think because I felt that initial. spark before I’m I’m hoping to feel that. again but everything else is in place. he’s a great guy he has a great career a. good head on his shoulders and overall. he’s just great I just don’t feel that. spark but don’t you want that. I think I do cuz the way you’re speaking. about this guy he sounds like a good guy.
Head Doctor Throws it Back
But you don’t sound excited. I’m not yep that’s right so so what I. think I noticed that but yeah I’m not. excited so Steve what do you think. should she go further down the road with. this guy or does she go in and say you. know what I need to spread my wings and. meet more people I think it says. something this is something where it’s. good to have a lot of reference points. because I think the place you’re in now. is sometimes what what this is a. question people sometimes ask themselves. I think when they’re in a kind of. scarcity mindset and so sometimes you’ll. see this when people do online dating as. well they’ll find they’ll have a kind of. checklist of traits and when they see. that guy on match.com and they speak to. him and they think well on paper he. seems to have a university education he. seems to have a nice job and he seems.
Generally a nice person and I think we. can kind of in some ways those traits. are incredible and in some ways as well. we can kind of convince ourselves all. this so rare no one else possibly has. them and so we kind of get to the place. where you’re at where you’re like maybe. I should just go allin on this one. because I don’t have the chemistry but. he has all these other things so maybe I. should just throw all in and I think. Matt and perhaps you’ll agree me is the. truth is there actually are a lot of. people with whom you can have chemistry. and compatibility and it’s not although. it’s rare it’s not quite as rare as. everyone imagines it to be that’s a kind. of very scarce place where we get to. where we think actually it’s a kind of. tradeoff between those two and maybe. I’m being naive hoping for both it might.
Be that even if it’s not everywhere even. if it’s not something that’s so easy to. come across because although it’s out. there is not always easy to find someone. we feel like we have everything with but. it doesn’t mean that that the. alternative is not just settle the. answer is not therefore I should settle. I think life is actually life people say. life is short and that’s true but life. is long when you’re unhappy life is long. when when you’re in a situation that. you’re not really enjoying and the way. you’re speaking of. out this person now Natalie I would hate. to think that you’ll be with this guy. for many years to come. it dis caught your excitement most. likely is not going to grow how many. dates have you been on with this guy. so far only 2 and it’s funny that you. mentioned match.com because that’s.
Actually how we met but we were talking. prior to that for quite some time and. just getting to know one another and now. that we’ve been out twice. I just I’m trying to figure out you know. if I should continue or not because that. starts not there but everything else is. there right but of course when you’re on. match.com. you have an enormous wealth of other. options that you can be going for and. there’s no reason to stop the search for. a great guy even there on that website. there’s no reason to stop that search. when even if you’re going to go on. another date with him why stop the. search elsewhere okay does that make. sense right yes it sounds like you’ve. gotten a little comfortable with someone. already and the comfort is stopping you. from taking a risk again with somebody. else and that is always a dangerous.
Thing we human beings cling on to. comfort which is why we meet somebody we. go on a date and then we go on another. day and before we know it we’re married. because we’re okay we’re like oh they’re. fine and I’m starting to get really. comfortable with them and I now know. their dog’s name and you know I met. their mom and it feels like it’s yes. fine you know they’re like we’re good. friends now but we’re afraid of that. moment where we say I now have to get to. know somebody else all over again and. it’s easier just to go with the person. in front of me that likes me than to go. out there and seek more and I don’t. think this is time to throw in the towel. and just go for the thing that’s. comfortable in front of you I think that. you can always you’ll always have the. benefit of this learning and you may. come back later and say actually that.