Watch squad. a. a. because these videos don’t have no. editing god only knows what i’ll be. doing in the beginning of them but i. wanted to say hey what’s up to my watch. squad. y’all showed up and showed out on my. last video y’all watched it y’all. commented. i just love the support so i’m back with. another video and you’ve been buying. them workshops so if you want um. we have three nine dollar workshops. they’re in the link in the description. box if they’re on safe sex and. disclosure they’re on herpes diet and. remedies and they’re on triggers and. body journaling they’re nine dollars for. a limited time click on the link in my. description box after you watch this. video because guess what i have a. keyword for my watch squad for this. video let’s get into it today’s video. i’m gonna share three tips on dating.
With herpes okay three tips on dating. with herpes i was diagnosed with hsb2 in. 2018 and um in the fall i just posted. over on my instagram make sure you. tapped in with me on instagram i just. posted on instagram um a flashback of my. 33rd birthday and how i had just got. ghosted by the guy who i believe gave me. herpes. days before my 33rd birthday and here i. was hair done makeup on i looked a doll. but on the inside i was so broken and i. was so hurt and i just remember my. selfesteem being so low so to go from. there in that moment when i hadn’t even. been diagnosed with herpes yet i had. just been ghosted to go from there to. where i am now here at 36 a few years. later god is good so i’m gonna share. with you three tips to dating with. herpes. tip number one somebody comment them for. me because i ain’t gonna be able to have.
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No editing on this video so watch squad. look out for me comment below the three. tips tip number one. heal first. heal let me make sure i’m crusty okay. heal. first. you don’t know how many times. i’ve heard people come to me and say. amber this guy likes me amber this girl. likes me. and i told him about my herpes and they. still like me but uh now i kind of feel. some type of way about it. that’s because during this time during. the time of dealing with your diagnosis. you put more emphasis on getting. accepted and being accepted by someone. else than you actually did accepting. yourself. healing is truly just surrendering and. acceptance at another level right. accepting your diagnosis accepting that. it’s not going anywhere. accepting that. it was meant to teach you a lesson if. you really want to learn what that.
Lesson is you have that opportunity. available but if you go from one. broken relationship or situation to. another and you’re still broken guess. what you’re gonna have the same outcome. right so if you keep taking your. brokenness into different situations. you’re just gonna meet people who are. broken too or you’re gonna meet someone. who’s attracted to your brokenness. you’re gonna meet someone who. sees you. realizes you’re broken even though you. don’t realize it because you think. you’re over it because you’re in you. haven’t addressed it you’re in denial. about it you’re avoiding dealing with. your herpes so you’re just gonna get out. here and date. and then people’s gonna be accepting you. and now people’s accepting you so you. swear you good but guess what. then you start feeling insecure about. your herpes even when you do got.
Somebody accepting your diagnosis so. if you take the intentional time. while you’re single. to work on yourself to work through your. issues i had to work through my. insecurity i had to work through my low. selfesteem i had to work through my. trust issues i had to work through the. fact that i didn’t feel confident dating. out here i had to work through the fact. that i didn’t think i knew what men. wanted i didn’t have to i had to work. through the fact that i didn’t know how. to really show up in relationships. because i had never seen that many. healthy relationships around me i was. just mf and alcher okay. so i had to realize that i was doing the. best that i could for what i knew. so in so i got the knowledge i started. watching tony gaskins on youtube tony. gaskins has singlehandedly helped me. change how confident i am.
And how i show up in relationships. because of how he’s. helping women understand how men think. and how men act and what they do when. they truly like somebody and so. doing the work healing means getting new. knowledge it means disciplining your. areas disciplining yourself in some. areas it means working on your brain. working on your brand working on your. body shout out to tony gaskins it means. taking effort and emphasis off anything. outside of you and focusing your focus. on. you that’s what healing looks like and i. highly. recommend it okay so that’s tip number. one heal first before you start dating. somebody okay. tip number. two. you guys see how the the light is. hitting my face right now. god is good tip number two. do not repeat the same mistakes okay. case in point y’all before my herpes. diagnosis i never.
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Talked to a guy about his sexual past my. sexual past bringing up past std. diagnosis asking them if they were. having unprotected sex with other people. asking about their sex life in general i. literally never had the conversation. with any guy before my herpes diagnosis. because i was too scared because i was. too embarrassed because i felt like. they’re gonna think i’m a weirdo if i. bring up these questions and even back. then i wasn’t even aware or i wasn’t. even herpes positive at the time and i. still didn’t feel comfortable talking. about. talking about sex with someone so you’re. supposed to be able you’re supposed to. be having sex with somebody but you’re. not supposed to talk about sex before. you do it like where’d they do that at. so. after. moving forward from my herpes positive. status it forced me it required me to be.
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More responsible sexually so and then i. show up in situations prior to being. sexually active like. have you ever had an std before. you know i have boom here’s what’s going. on like i just got more confident in. talking to a partner before actually. sleeping with them and so i wasn’t. making same as the same mistakes i was. making before my diagnosis so whatever. mistakes you were making not avoiding. not. running when you see red flags um. letting things slide that you really. shouldn’t let slide like. whatever mistakes you made prior to your. diagnosis that only you know. about work on those mistakes and don’t. repeat them let your diagnosis be a. lesson indeed and teach you some things. so you don’t operate in the same fashion. and doing the same things as you were. doing before your diagnosis so. so do different know better do better.
Okay do not make the same mistakes. the the third and final tip for dating. with herpes is. know your worth aka have some daggone. standards okay have some standards have. some requirements that someone must meet. before they can just be all up in your. life be all between your legs if you’re. having sex which you shouldn’t be unless. you’re married let’s not even go there. like and if you are and that’s what you. choose to do. great. i’m not mad but bottom line is. how many of us wouldn’t know the person. we were supposed to be with that they. slapped us in the face anyway because we. don’t even know who we want we just want. somebody to want us at this point. no that’s not good enough for me oh you. like me. foul in line. with the other candidates who like me. too but liking me isn’t enough for me to. like you back now i didn’t say identify.
Preferences like oh i want him to be six. six i want him to be his teeth to look. like his his job to be this those are. preferences. standards are i have to have someone who. shares the same belief beliefs as me. spiritually standards are i do not date. smokers standards are i do not date. people who are emotionally physically or. mentally abusive to me those are my. standards and so when i have my. standards in place while i’m dating. people. oh yeah i’m just chilling about the. light i’m about to go uh over and have a. session i’m about to go smoking my. friends. okay that’s cool. i don’t date smokers so the next time i. talk to him or maybe even the next time. after that you know what we probably. have some things um we’re probably not. on the same page right now in this. season i wish you well. good luck god bless but i know how to.
Remove myself from situations that. aren’t serving me so because i have. standards put in place. the reasons why a lot of my. relationships failed prior to my. diagnosis is because i didn’t have any. standards i was just out here liking. whoever liked me i was just out here. giving chances to who was ever uh. showing me any type of attention like. let’s be honest like let’s be honest. about this thing and so. again. identify your standards spend time with. yourself to even know what you like what. you don’t like what you’re attracted to. what you what our preferences and what. are standards like identify those for. yourself so you can recognize them more. easily when you start putting yourself. out there today because trust me i said. this in my last video you are not going. to have a problem expinging someone to.
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Accept your herpes and people be like. but amber i told somebody and that. energy was different or amber i told. somebody and they wasn’t cool with it so. not everybody accepts it. okay that might be true. however. there’s more people out here accepting. accepting it than not and if they choose. not to accept it that is simply not the. person for you thank you next harboring. over. fearing rejection fearing them not. wanting you because of your herpes you. are literally worrying about something. you have no control over and that is. absolutely insane in this season i. refuse to worry about something i. literally cannot control god is working. on me in this season so i just want to. share those three tips with y’all there. are plenty more where that came from but. i’m out here and i got the key word the. key word for two days video is.
Standards okay because i want to end it. on that that note is so positive have. some standards email your keyword to the. email in the description box which is. coach asj gmail.com the first five. emails that i receive with the keyword. will receive a zoom link for a call that. we’re going to be doing together this. month so email standard to coach asj and. get some standards about yourself just. put some respect on your own name get. some value. and some worth about yourself or if you. already have those identify those in. yourself because you teach people. we teach people how to love us and how. to treat us by the way that they see us. treating ourselves. oh he got you got to treat me like a. king a queen you got to do this you got. to do this you got to do this but yet. you still dealing with him and he says.