I’m not feeling very funny today big. that’s all right you look kind of funny. I were Jackie and Bobby with ascension. presents today we’re talking about. dealing with someone’s sexual past in. one of the most frequent questions we. get is I’m a virgin and my my boyfriend. girlfriend isn’t how do you guys deal. with that how do you deal with someone’s. sexual history because Rob bringing all. sorts of things to the table when we’re. dating and then that that relationship. progresses so yeah I I get emails all. the time about this because they know we. dealt with this and they’re like how did. you deal with it well you know so Bobby. wasn’t the first boyfriend I had who. where because you know most of you know. I was waiting till marriage to have sex. I was a virgin when I got married before. Bobby I dated a guy who was not a virgin.
And it was actually kind of a fresh it. was good the person before me and I feel. like he hadn’t healed from it properly. and I would ask him questions about you. know because again when you’re on one. side you you want to ask questions. because it’s really are it’s really. pride I mean it’s like our pride that we. feel we feel like we’re gonna be. compared you know and it’s pride like. I’ve waited why didn’t you like that. good it’s pride so when we ask questions. this particular boyfriend he would get. really frustrated annoyed and he would. get really yeah just annoyed that I. would ask him about this and it really. just kind of ruined our relationship and. then comes Bobby and I find out kind of. a similar situation except you had a lot. more space of healing from the previous. relationship where you lost your.
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Virginity and so I could tell that first. of all you had so much more humility and. you had a lot more healing and so when I. asked you questions you were very. receptive and responsive and it was very. helpful for for me and it was such a. beautiful thing you loved me enough that. I do you do you know you love me enough. that you would you would allow me to ask. you. well I was just thinking how the. opposite of pride the inverse of that. pride is one that says that I have what. I’ve done is too shameful there’s no way. God for free could forgive me it’s not. this pride is like how dare you and I’m. above this it’s really like no I’m below. this tonight I’m a horrible person and. we’re living in a fallen world a very. pornified world a world that does not. value really the goodness of the body. we’re obsessed with sex you watch our.
Media but not what sex is for like not. the beauty of what it’s for and we’ve. lost the lens to look at it in that. lifegiving god-given way and so I think. it’s gonna it’s gonna be part of the. human condition those that are. virtuously and courageously waiting and. you didn’t spontaneously combust before. our wedding day yeah and it’s not that I. was perfect in my past relationships. sure but I think but when it comes to. that divide if someone’s gone further. than the other person yeah well it’s not. like an equal thing there’s always going. to be the devil with the devil does the. devil comes in and says to you you’re. not good enough for this person what. you’ve done is too shameful and then the. devil comes to you this person who has. waited and says oh my gosh you’re not. you’re not gonna be good enough they’re.
Gonna compare you they’re gonna have. memories of this other person so I think. we can just say it’s difficult it’s. going to be difficult it’s a difficult. road when you’ve had a conversion and. you’re you’re you want to live a. virtuous life or you you made a mistake. and you’re like I want to get up so it’s. a difficult road for well parties yeah. you don’t want to be spending your life. reliving memories right and beating. yourself up over the past and that’s. where you’ve gone to confession you are. a new creation move forward I think. there’s a respect of like we don’t need. to bring up all the details but there. needs to be a transparency I’m not here. to beat you up over this thing but I. just there’s certain things I maybe need. to know the length of time because it. takes time to heal it takes time for.
Memories to heal and kind of like even. like the biological attachments we’ve. made are not done within a month right. yeah I mean I kind of once heard that. for the length of time that you were. dating someone it takes like half that. time to heal from that relationship but. prayer really you guys prayer. God makes all things God makes all. things new and so I even believe you. know we know that oxytocin is like a. bonding chemical when you when you have. sex or even when you’re sexually active. with someone you’re bonding yourself to. that person and because we are both body. and soul you’re also bonding your soul. to them but again God makes all things. new I also believe he can make our. oxytocin ooh you know and so we have to. ask for healing on both ends it’s. important to be patient and on the end. again for the people that does that.
Right me like Jackie how did you deal. with it listen it takes time and it’s. also dealing with our pride because if. we really loved as God loved like if I. you know if I really loved you as God. loved you it wouldn’t be if you look. okay all is forgiven it’s done with but. again it’s our pride in our wounds that. in the devil that keeps telling us we’re. not you’re not good enough and they’re. gonna compare you and they’ve been. through this and you know so it’s just. asking for humility and asking God to. heal our memories to heal our. imagination it’s prayer and so on both. sides it’s patience it takes time it’s. looking inward and and being healed of. you know where the devil’s attacking us. so I saw I signed the chastity card. early in high school I sue I wanted to. wait but I didn’t really have a plan in.
College got the best of me and and lust. and like the Saint Agustin restless. heart and like you got to watch for that. if I knew Jackie was coming I never. would have left my room I would have. just baked a cake and hung out and been. like she’s coming one day not how God. works it’s worth the wait and it’s worth. reading if you have screwed up if you’ve. fallen if whatever baggage is there get. to confession ask for that continued. healing and unbinding of these memories. and wait again so it’s worth waiting and. it’s worth waiting and humility patience. prayer I mean this is how and just time. with the peg again I know Bobby loves me. and I think that’s what you whenever I. would bring this to you you would always. just you would just reaffirm. that like listen that wasn’t out of love. it was out of lust like and I love you I.
Love you now and so again it just takes. it takes a supernatural grace I think is. what it is it takes God’s grace to to. deal with this kind of stuff always so. just really prayer and in communication. because it’s not good when we can’t talk. about things that are like this that I. mean I think the number one reason. people get divorced is a lack of. communication right that’s like been. something we’ve said for a long time. psychologists have said and so when you. can’t communicate about issues like this. that’s a red flag so if the person does. get super frustrated when you bring this. up maybe they’re not the person or maybe. they just need her a lot of humility but. again I love that you would always. listen to and it just yeah it takes time. and I know you love me I think you would. always reassure that too so and you know.