Hi friends and welcome back to my channel in today’s video we are going deep deep no shallow . water today guys I’m going to introduce you to my partner Andy who’s not Jewish . and we are going to spill the tea about what it’s like to be in this kind of relationship . but first make sure you go ahead and hit that subscribe button if you haven’t already . I’m really trying to reach my first goal of 10 000 subscribers so every subbie helps . and before we begin i’m gonna drop a big fat disclaimer right here this video is not intended . to encourage anyone to go out and date a nonjew or a jew i’m simply sharing my experience because . i’m inspired to share my truth and hopefully people who are in a similar situation can feel . a little more understood and can relate in order for you to understand the sensitivity of this.
Subject and the gravity i am going to ask you to watch this video with me for context everybody . wants to know what’s wrong with marrying a nonjew who’s a fine person a non jew is a fine person?. i’m not we’re not we’re not saying why marry jewish . yeah we’re not saying that the nonjew can’t be a fine person well they won’t know why they . can’t marry them yeah but they shouldn’t marry them yeah but that’s not the reason . and if you say but they have a question because they think that you’re not allowed to marry . a non jew because they’re not a fine person so therefore if they are a fine person should be . a permitted ..One cannot marry a nonjew because the jewish people are the chosen nation . we are uh very proud of the fact that god chose us to be his holy nation was very special.
Sometimes nonjews would hear that oh they’re very very arrogant the jews think that they’re . the chosen nation well being the chosen nation brings along with a lot of responsibility with it . and i don’t think a lot of many nonjews would want to be jewish if they don’t have . to go through programs and the holocaust and the inquisition it also it’s a package deal . because if we don’t act like god wants us to act then we have to suffer the consequences . but we’re the chosen nation and we have a great responsibility and we’re very the holy nation and . uh therefore every jewish person who’s born has a special holiness to him because chosen by god . from the time of abraham god chose us so we have to keep our holiness and keep our . jewishness and not to intermarry and lose it therefore we cannot intermarry because.
We are marrying out of the chosen people ranks that we that we are and uh by doing that we . are taking away our holiness and we’re taking it closest to god and therefore we cannot intermarry . a person intermarries he’s is destroying his future children because they will not be jewish . of course it depends f the woman is jewish or the man’ depends on who what the intermarriages . so plain and simple intermarriage is ruining the jewish nation i shared this video because i want . you to understand that in the jewish world one of the worst things you can do is marry a nonjew . it’s up there in terms of how bad you can sin i was raised with a very strong sense of other . i was told things like jews are the chosen nation jews were chosen by god and jews have . a responsibility to be better than everybody else anyone who wasn’t a jew was called a GOY which.
Means gentile did you know that there’s a prayer that jews recite every day that says . ‘thank you god for not making me a gentile’ so you can imagine that when i left this was still . very deeply ingrained in me in fact many otd people or nonreligious jews will still not . marry a nonjew this is either a result of years of programming or it’s because they don’t want to . shake the already unstable relationship that they have with their family many many orthodox jews . and especially hasidic jews will not acknowledge a nonjewish partner of their children and . definitely not the grandchildren that are born out of that relationship so effectively if you’re . otd and you already have a rocky relationship with your parents because you don’t adhere to the rules . the last thing you’re going to want to do is marry a non jew because that is essentially.
Social suicide it will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back when i first left the community . i dated mostly jews but i did experiment with dating nonjews but this came with a hefty dose . of selfinflicted shame i was convinced that i was a bad person because i was doing a bad thing . what i soon realized is that i needed to unlearn this idea that jews are better than everybody else . i needed to take off those glasses and just see people for what they are i’ve since learned to . simply see people for who they are which is human beings when i meet someone i view them based on . their character and their personality and not on their religion or their ethnicity or their . affiliation with any cultural group i met my partner andy two years ago when i was traveling . solo in oaxaca mexico he was traveling solo as well we met at a hostel and we’ve been together.
Ever since we’ve traveled to places like england turkey the united states guatemala and now we’re . living in mexico but this video is less about our beautiful story and more about the inner . workings of what a relationship between a jew and a nonjew actually looks like here’s what . i like about this relationship aka what i like about dating a nonjew this relationship isn’t . built on the fact that i’m otd or that i’m jewish we are two individuals with different stories . that are very interested in learning about each other’s past while building a really good future . and he didn’t know much about judaism let alone hasidic judaism when he first met me it’s been a . learning experience for sure but he’s now learned yiddish words he’s participated in holidays with . me culturally and he’s taken an interest in all things judaism i love being able to share my.
Judaism with him when we first met and we had our first date he invited me to his apartment . in mexico for lunch he played omar adam which is an israeli singer from the balcony so that i can . find his apartment because it wasn’t marked and i thought that was so sweet if you meet someone who . has an interest in you they will make an effort to take an interest in all things that are you . in the past when i’ve dated ex hasidic jews or otd’s i found that sometimes keyword sometimes . the bond was a trauma bond the pain point the fact that we’ve both been through the same thing . was the reason why we got together and so because you already know the other person’s story there is . no need to um kind of explore or unpack or share that side of yourself because the other person . just already knows everything for me i enjoy that part of relationship getting to know each other.
And learning about each other‘s backgrounds and cultures etc don’t get me wrong i stan . otd couples i met some incredible ones who have great connections some otd people don’t want to . have to explain right sometimes it’s nice to walk into a room with other otd people and they just . understand you you don’t have to share your story from scratch you don’t have to tell them . about everything that you’ve been through they already just know some people find comfort in that . but for me personally i prefer the getting to know each other exploring your partner and sharing all . kinds of new and different things about yourself with the person that you’re with so that’s a . personal choice one isn’t better than the other i’m simply just outlining why i find dating a non . jew refreshing a very popular reason as to why jews refrain from dating nonjews is that even.
Though maybe now they don’t mind they worry that down the line they’re going to change their mind . and want to start practicing judaism again and by then they’ll be stuck with a nonreligious uh . sorry a nonjewish partner or non-jewish children and that may cause some issues down the line . i simply don’t see it that way or care to be honest however being that according to jewish . law the judaism goes by the mother i know that if in the event that i decide to practice again . my children will have that opportunity to choose if they want to identify with it or not . but being honest i don’t really see that happening but then again i can’t predict the future so . now to make this video interesting you’ve heard my end of things let’s hear it from another . perspective i’m going to ask my partner andy to join me and he’s going to answer some of the.
Questions that you guys asked me on my instagram survey and i’ve tried to bunch them all together . so that everyone gets an answer but if i couldn’t answer your question i do apologize i didn’t want . this video to be ages long i wanted to touch on the main points that people seem to want to know . so let’s get into it as promised andy is here joining us for this video so that we can get . an opinion of the other side to see how nonjews feel about dating jews okay first question have . you met many jews before me and what is it like dating a jew or more specifically what is it like . dating an exhasidic jew i would say i haven’t really met hardly any jews before maybe because . it just wasn’t really in my kind of frame of reference to even think about that um to kind of . be working out if someone is jewish or not i think i i do that more now which is quite funny yeah so.
What is it like it is has been quite exotic it’s been pretty interesting i’ve learned a lot . that i didn’t know before there’s obviously some specifically related to being sort of ex chasidish. that’s so good the second time yeah i’ll see this you can keep it right yeah you could keep . it i’ve kind of had probably a bit more of a broader experience of different sort of . countries that i’ve been in relationships with with girls and so that’s probably given . me a bit more of a more rounded kind of view or experience i’ve traveled quite a lot i think so um . that kind of stuff excites me rather than is i see it as a barrier really um kind of digging into . that i think i prefer to celebrate the the kind of similarities rather than the differences of our . backgrounds obviously i’m english pretty english as it goes so very english yes but he’s like all.
Generation english like 100 percent baby okay uh so yeah i think that it’s definitely been very . interesting for me exotic for sure and sometimes a little bit challenging when sarah doesn’t always . get the kind of cultural references that i’m used to in england but you would have that in someone . who’s american i think anyway so it’s a little bit more pronounced in terms of not always knowing . certain singers uh we kind of make it a bit fun which is kind of like all right it’s nice to see . someone experience something that you’ve loved for the first time yeah like a matrix exactly . exactly what i was thinking i was thinking of like marvin gaye or yeah beautiful soul singer matrix . yeah so i think that generally speaking is it’s yeah sure it’s different but not really no okay.
Okay next question for andy what are some differences between dating enough a jew now . and your previous dating experience with nonjews are there any differences that stand out to you . yeah so i’ve i mean i’ve dated um from a bunch of different uh countries really so . i think if i had only dated english women like say when i was when i was younger then i think that . the difference would have been really marked and probably quite challenging uh but i would say that . given i’ve kind of have a bit of experience of being with with different people in that respect . then it doesn’t really come up that much for me i just kind of see it as something that’s like . kind of fun really more than more than challenging yeah so you find learning about jewish culture fun . like the songs and the slang and the yiddish words and meeting my jewish friends you enjoy that yeah.
I mean i’ve had some i’ve had some interesting times with a few of your a few of your friends . for sure um i think it’s quite it’s been quite a fun experience yeah and i’ve had some cracking . cracking dinners on shabbos so yeah yeah nice it’s been cool yeah okay question number three can . you think of a time in the last two years that my being jewish impacted our relationship negatively . so many people were like yeah in the good times it won’t be a problem but when you’re fighting or . when you have problems the jewish culture thing will definitely be an issue can you think of a . single time uh no not really i think that um i think that you are a very good communicator . i’m not sure if that’s related to you being jewish or not i know that you guys like to chat but um . yeah but i don’t think that it’s really come up okay so let me let me rephrase the question then.
Has my being otd so ex hasidic ever affected our relationship in the last two years has it . ever affected our relationship negatively does that change that i would say that . don’t really like the word negatively i would say that it’s perhaps . given us challenges okay um and i don’t necessarily think it’s specifically related to . otd but maybe a symptom of otd in terms of losing that connection from your family i think that um . obviously that’s like a pretty fundamental trauma for anyone to go through and i think that. we’ve obviously had some challenges in terms of kind of addressing that trauma and kind of in . ways that kind of for me to understand whether i’ve triggered you or not or whether something . is triggering i’m not always haven’t always been sensitive to that in the early stages.
But i think that i am a lot more so now maybe i’m not but there is . um yeah i mean there’s that there’s that challenge of how you kind of differentiate between . someone who’s otd and has left a family that maybe still is in contact and someone who has . shut them off completely i think they’re very very different scenarios um and obviously it’s very . nuanced in terms of a topic and pretty fiery uh i think based on some of your some of your comments . on youtube uh yeah okay final question but most popular one so many people said this in one form . or another so how do you think you would react if down the line i decided to practice judaism again . and or if we had children if they decided to how would that impact our relationship from your end . well i don’t think it would happen that’s right but i don’t think it would be a problem if it did.
I think some aspects of judaism are very very nice i really like the emphasis on family and community . i suppose one potential stumbling block would be diet and food obviously there’s certain rules um . i’d probably be quite happy to eat kosher meat but it’s probably kosher food it’s just that . when i probably am feeling a bit lazy or if i have a day i want to like binge on oreos . are they kosher i think you could find kosher oreos yeah all right kushty koreos then um there . might be some issues there basically like mixing milk with meat right i don’t know if that counts . for like almond milk or oat milk no it doesn’t it’s just dairy oh uh i’m christian it’s not . good yeah i mean it sounds like it’s absolutely fine then yeah okay let’s bring on the kids . raising a couple of little jews uh i mean i’m kidding it’s probably not gonna happen yeah but.
I you know i’m a fan of certain principles that religion has for sure not just you know limited . to judaism how would you feel about like prayer well so there’s there’s a lot to be said about . prayer i think it can be incredibly um helpful for people i think it can be very relaxing it could . be nice to know that someone’s got you back and then they’re looking after you so i think there’s . there’s a lot to be said for prayer even if you looked at it as quiet contemplation or meditation . for 10 minutes a day to be thankful to practice gratitude these are all like wonderful things . to incorporate in your life in general that will make you feel better and appreciate life which is . only a good thing in my mind sounds like you want to be more jewish than me yea mazal tov. well thank you for coming on i think people will be really happy to hear what you have to say like.