Met a really great guy in bumble hey. everyone welcome back to child free for. life don’t forget to subscribe to be a. for lifer. our first date was amazing we shut the. place down our second date came a week. later and we shared a bottle of wine. while the conversation flowed we. discussed our lives and careers and. hobbies and then he mentioned how as he. gets older he has realized baby fever is. a real thing. pump the brakes what it literally says. child free and don’t want kids in my. profile did he just not read this part. we had a pretty detailed conversation. about how i don’t want children and then. he chooses this point in time to say. well then is it a problem if i told you. i have a child. what the actual. i just stared at him like he sprouted a. second head he was surprised at my. surprise and said pretty sure i.
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Mentioned this before excuse me sir no. the heck you did not he asked me if it. was really that big of a deal and i said. for perspective i swipe left on all. single dads. if someone was looking for a partner. because they really wanted children and. i played the charade and then later. dropped the bomb on them that sorry i. actually don’t want children that would. be super crappy so why do some people. not see that it’s equally crappy in the. reverse i could not possibly make it. more clear on my profile that i don’t. want children. so wait he already has kids and is. having baby fever so like he wants to. have another potential baby mama red. flag. his daughter is a product of a drunken. onenight stand with a high school. friend sounds like they coparent very. well but never had any formal romantic. relationship and didn’t try for one when.
She got pregnant they’re just two. independent people who happened to make. a baby i asked him if he was actively. seeking to have another child he said. it’s not something he’s necessarily. pushing for but if he got a girlfriend. pregnant he wouldn’t be upset about it. oof to each their own this is not my cup. of tea. i want to know how things went after you. revealed your stance to. him he looked disappointed and concerned. i was going to call the date off then. and there but i didn’t so he probably. thinks i’ll make an exception or. something plan to tell him it’s not. going to work out later today. ah dang good luck i had one guy i super. clicked with dates went well we. communicated so well he had no kids or. didn’t want kids on his profile as did i. out of nowhere he mentions later on down. the line when i have kids i want them.
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Baptized and it was like i heard breaks. i checked his stuff again child free so. i mentioned i didn’t want them and. brought up the profile stuff. he said he hasn’t updated it in a while. he said he had to think more about it i. was thinking please do because it’s not. something i’ll budge on. he dumped me gently no prob but gave me. this great offer to piece friends with. benefits until he found someone to have. kids with oh nope nope nope this was in. july he’s been messaging me almost every. other week trying to talk to me saying. he messed up he misses me he changes. mine no kids etc not the first probably. won’t be the last. a lot of the women i’ve dated who oh by. the way i have kids me spend way too. much time on dating and not enough on. their kids i hooked up with a lady in my. condo complex not a good decision not.
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Gonna lie a few years ago and her son. and i became friends i don’t actually. mind kids i just don’t want them due to. being forced to basically raise my. siblings after we broke things off i. stayed friends with her and we hung out. occasionally when she has a dude over. she has tried to just send her visibly. embarrassed son over to my condo a bunch. of times until i put my foot down about. that he and i share some interest so i. had given him some of my old books as. well as my old laptop for gaming or. school i went by to drop something off. and her son was just sitting out there. in the hall with the laptop and a book i. guess until the guy left i don’t know. this happens every time she dates. someone new until she feels like telling. them oh you know that kid in the hallway. he’s mine and when i asked her she.
Frames me like she’s doing this to. protect her kid. pretty sad. i had a guy do that we went on three. dates it was great and on our fourth one. we were going to the park to have a. picnic he pulled up with a six month old. infant in the back seat i said did you. bring your niece or nephew and he said. no i told you i had a kid. i said no i was pretty clear i didn’t. like or want kids and this would have. been a deal breaker he said oh it’ll be. fine you will be so good with him i. grabbed the picnic basket out of the. back and walked back into my house he. tried to contact me for the next four. freaking months i blocked him on. everything. i’ve heard from several different. childfree women that it’s better to not. put anything about children on your. profile and when you meet a guy instead. of telling them what you’re looking for.
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Likes you he’s just playing it’s fine. you’ll come around to his attention. mom dad. i’m never having kids nonsense you’re. young and don’t know what you want. you’ll get it when you’re older ignore. her younger brother and sister she. doesn’t know what she’s saying. at least you found out early on not in. the best way though dude should have. been upfront right off the bat when i. was 17 i was dating a guy who let’s just. say had a few years on me we were maybe. three months into a relationship and he. finally confessed he had a daughter i. was adamantly child free even at that. age but i also didn’t want to shout it. from the rooftops because who the heck. would care that should have been my cue. to leave on top of all the other red. flags i won’t get into i figured in the. three months we’ve been together i had.
Zero clue maybe that means she’ll never. be around and i won’t have to deal with. her yeah she started being around a. whole lot more after that and i was. stuck taking care of her while he went. and did way more shady crap i think it. was the only time in my life that i felt. any sort of maternal instinct for a. child and it was only because i flat out. felt bad for her i should have called. cps on him or his addict exwife when i. dumped him but i didn’t want anything. more to do with that family so i just. bailed my very first relationship was. wild. because those same people want this it’s. only wrong when others don’t respect. their boundaries they can trample. willynilly all over everyone else’s. because what they want is understandable. in their minds it’s a lack of empathy. pick pretty much any bingo answer you.
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Want and this is something they presume. about you. alternatively they genuinely believe. that while you might not have ever. wanted children in any scenario prior. they are magically the ones that you’d. be willing to change your life goals and. possibly morals for. i had a similar encounter about a decade. ago a friend who had two kids started. suggesting we date i made it really. clear that i was okay with something. casual to get our mutual edge scratched. but i wasn’t into the idea of playing. family man nor could i see a scenario. where i wanted to it was all fine until. the first night i stayed over i’d known. her for years so the kids and i had met. before the next morning it was like oh. do you want to go to the park with me. and the kids oh do you think maybe you. can help my son with his homework. no. no i definitely can’t the real irony.
Being that if we’d remain only friends. if she’d asked me to help her kid with. this english or history homework i would. have my issue was that this was quickly. being set up to be an obligation as. opposed to me doing a friend a favor. people who want kids or who have kids. literally cannot picture scenario where. their partner or object of desire does. not value current or future children to. the same degree even when it’s. explicitly stated. gross. a year ago i was essentially firing up a. relationship from a guy i met on bumble. we have been going on dates and hanging. out for two to three months one day we. were sitting there talking about how i. have the perfect spot for hot tub one. day and he told me my young nephews. would love that i said they wouldn’t be. allowed in because i’ve seen how they. behave in the hot tub also kid pee and.