What’s up i’m back uh. so i just been thinking and just trying. to kind of like. because i i’m if i’m doing this youtube. thing. i just kind of want to be open and. honest and like just. i guess kind of share my life. you know although we can’t really do. much. excuse me due to um you know covet and. everything. but you know one of the things that i. wanted to talk about. is. um why is it so hard. for gay black men to. date and. because i was watching this um one of. the things i love to watch is called the. grapevine. and i know that they had i was on their. patreon. that they have this um. this. segment called black. gay black men and dating so. i watched it and. you know i live in a predominantly white. city and. i was just kind of listening to these. guys talk about their experiences. and one of the guys that i felt was.
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Making. a lot of sense was i can’t remember his. name i’m sorry but he was. the guy wearing glasses and he was a. bigger guy. not a bad looking guy but just you know. he was just a bigger guy so. he he brought up the the. the thought of like. whereas when gay black men. are you know growing up we are already. i guess kind of stifled in a way where. we can’t really. be open and honest about our sexuality. so the. the way that straight people have more. like the boy meets girl and the girl. meets boy. type of like it’s just normal for a girl. to say. i like this boy or is just normal for. a boy to say i like this girl. in a hairdorable normative society. whereas. if you’re a little boy. and you like another boy. it’s not acceptable you know because you. don’t know how that’s going to be. you don’t know how the parents are going.
To react. more you know like the little boy. of the other boy’s parents and then. your parents so it’s you know it’s just. we we get we we get very stifled so. when we do get old enough to leave home. and actually go and. explore the actual thought of boy meets. boy. and boy likes boy. and but you haven’t had. the same experiences as. your straight counterparts where. they have already done the whole you. know. boyfriend and girlfriend thing from the. time that they were pretty much. on earth so. when we go and and do that whole thing. we. really are just kind of living out what. we didn’t get to do. as a kid so. you you know a lot of guys are just. meeting guys. and it’s not really necessarily. for the thought of longterm. relationships. it’s more so like i didn’t get to do. this when i was younger. or i couldn’t like a boy you know we.
We kind of like are at a adolescence. phase in our adult phase. so kind of like tackling two things at. once. so. the other thing is i think the apps have. made it very difficult. it made it it’s made it easy year. to i guess know who is or isn’t gay. or bisexual or whatever the case may be. um. but even then you know you have some. guys on there who are not showing their. faces. because of whatever situation they got. going on whether they don’t want nobody. to know that they’re. straight or bisexual or gay. or they’re living a double life who. knows. but they want to have you as a secret. even if they are in love with you they. don’t think that they can necessarily. have a successful relationship with the. same sex. so then that just kind of turns into. um. it doesn’t really turn into much. honestly you just kind of.
Take whatever comes if that makes sense. and i’m not saying that’s what i do. but i can understand why other people do. other gay black men do because. imma just be real hold on. i promise i don’t have copic. but i’ll just be real. um being gay can be a very lonely life. it can be a very lonely life. because it’s not something that you. chose. loneliness is not something that you. want. but then you also realize like your. options are slim to none. because unfortunately in the in the gay. world. especially if you’re black. um don’t have like the. perfect body because. unfortunately the reality is the imagery. of. being gay is definitely. it has a lot of white constructs and a. lot of the black guys take on. a lot of the white ideologies. now i’m not saying that we all do. but what i am saying is that. just being sexy or fine.
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Will get you further than just. actually being a responsible. and caring individual. so you know i will say. not consciously but subconsciously i. have just opted out of like. dating and being with anyone. and for a long time you know i will be. honest to say that i haven’t. really felt attractive. um and possibly because i haven’t met. anyone that actually makes me feel that. way. but i just haven’t felt the need to. really impress anyone. because i ain’t really found anybody to. be impressed by. um. it is hard it is very hard to be. black and gay and then. you know when you’re trying to date or. you have. thoughts of really wanting to be with. someone your options. are. almost like throwing spaghetti. on a wall to see if it will stick. you know we have all these apps in the. gay world there’s. jack there’s grinder scruff there’s all.
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These stupid ass abs that i . i hate them all to be honest because. they don’t really. provide a segway into. people who really want true. relationships. it’s just all about. you know you could ask somebody hey. how’s your day going. and you’re getting a dick pic before you. even find out. what their how their day is going or. their favorite color or whatever you. know you. and i i find it just sad that you know. many. of us. don’t really want to experience. the true care of someone or the true. love of. someone you know what i’m saying so like. i’m not over here trying to be like some. mush. i’m just trying to explain like. it can be very sad like. there have been times where i just i’m. on the app and i’m just like. oh okay and let me just like log the. out. because i am definitely not going to. find what i’m looking for here but then.
When you live in a city that tends to. like i’ll be honest in austin a lot of. the the black guys here. tend to go after white boys. and it’s just like damn do i even exist. and or they go after latin guys. and perfectly you know for me i just. the older i get the more more i would. just prefer to be with someone black. it’s not to say that has to be the end. game. but the more and more you know the older. i get the more i start realizing like. people. are not understanding my experience so i. don’t want to be with someone who. doesn’t. um i really don’t feel like. trying to explain my culture my. background. to someone of a different race. you know i’m i’m not gonna knock anyone. for finding love with whoever they find. love with. but i just know personally me. i’m realizing that. my relationship might just be with.
Someone. more more over more so with a black. person. than not i have nothing against. interracial relationships. i’ve tried it it’s just not for me. um. i didn’t have you know any like bad. experiences or anything. it’s just that’s what i’m more. comfortable with. but you know it’s hard. trying to find someone who wants. something more. in. in a relationship other than sex. because me i’m more of a mental. person and a spiritual person and i’ll. even go. say you know more of an emotional person. because i i’d like to. get to know someone i i don’t. necessarily like to bounce around. to different people just because i can. because to me that doesn’t really. that doesn’t work for me because i’m. into someone because. i am mentally spiritually emotionally. attracted to them. not just only physical i’m not saying. physical doesn’t play a part.
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But it can’t be the only thing for me. because a lot of times. when it is physical everything else is. just falling to the wayside where. they’re not emotionally aware they’re. not mentally aware they’re not. spiritually aware. everything is just very physical. for them and you know. whereas for a lot of people sex is a. physical act for me it is more of a. mental and emotional act. and i’m not you know saying that anyone. i’m not telling nobody how they need to. live their lives i’m just saying what. works for me. and and i’ve realized over the years. that just doesn’t work for me. um. but dating and being black and gay. is is just so difficult because. you you know i feel so awkward at times. trying to get to know someone trying to. do my best to. put my best foot forward only for them. to. not give their best. foot forward it’s just like well how do.
You think you’re supposed to get. somewhere. if you if your only end goal is to just. have sex. and we can say. that it is. quote unquote the type of people that. you are. attracting or type of people that you. tend to go after. but i find that so. like. i denounced that because it’s like you. can only. you only like this is it’s about access. it’s like you know this is what i have. access to. it’s not like you know. it is still even though being gay. is becoming more accepted. but it’s still it still has gay people. especially gay black men i hope i don’t. have a booger in my nose i do have a. booger in my nose. this is one of those moments so one. second. i had a booger in my nose so. i’m back anyway. even though being gay is being you know. it’s. becoming more and i’m more and more. accepted. it is still not. easy for first of all.
I think one of the reasons that black. gay men don’t approach each other. in public. is because. we don’t want to assume that someone is. gay. and then that person. is thrown. for a loop and or they’re attacking you. so it’s like i can’t do that and you get. on the app. and everything is just more about sex. than it is about actually meeting. getting to know someone. and seeing if it turns into a. relationship. you know it’s it’s it’s hard. it is hard and then a lot of guys are so. they want what they want at that time. that they’re. on whatever app they’re on that even if. it’s long distance they’re not. willing to budge a little bit and say. you know what maybe this person. just might be what i’m looking for. and why i’m not finding it in my city. but they’re not willing to. try something different you know if it’s.
Not where they are. if it’s not like in the in the in 15. minutes they can’t get to it they don’t. even try to put in that effort so. it is not just. the the the fact. of just being black and gay is also the. factor of. the unwillingness. the unwillingness to try. you know and then. so many guys come with so many different. agendas. where some of them are looking to be. taken care of and. trying to use you and it’s just. it’s like i’m always saying like. being gay is not a choice because when. you deal with the that you got to. deal with. you trust me you didn’t choose that. so it it becomes very. you know it becomes very. hard and just. kind of sad um. and then i’ve gotten to a point where. it’s kind of hard for me to be around. couples. you know and i was kind of just feeling. like the third wheel. and almost feeling like a charity case.
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And it’s you know it’s like damn. and you know you watch other people in. their relationships. and you’re just like i don’t see that. happening for me anytime. in the near or far future. but it’s just a real it’s a real reality. um i don’t think people really take into. account how lonely. some of us are. the loneliness that we feel and i know. that a lot of us are not gonna get on. camera. and talk about it but it’s a real thing. um. and the older you get the more more you. want someone to be with you know with no. matter if you’re straight. bisexual gay you know you you i think we. all want to. spend our lives with someone. and it just becomes very difficult to. to do that. then you know as we’re also in the midst. of like trying to make our goals and. dreams come true. you wonder if i think a lot of times. with a lot of us is that because we.
Don’t really see. love as being an option or. meeting someone being an option. that we put a lot into our work. put a lot into our dreams and our goals. not saying that you shouldn’t but i. think it’s almost. it’s almost to the detriment of us. where we basically sacrifice our love. lives. not by choice. but by just. the situations of what we have going on. where okay well love is not happening so. let me stop even. thinking about that let me just move on. to making my dreams come true as. you know getting this degree or. this position at this job or. you know whatever dream music. modeling acting we put a lot into that. and we just kind of put love. on the back burner and then if we do. meet someone. it don’t last long it’s just kind of. like. you know it’s. it is what it is. but it it the thought never leaves you. it never leaves you you never.
The you know. i’ve met people and. i will say like i met people who. i’ve met people who tell me they will. say stuff like. you’re a very attractive guy but you. will be bomb if you lost weight. so i even i. i remember a guy did that to me and i. just stopped talking to him. and then he texted me he was like i. haven’t heard from you and i was just. like. and yeah you won’t because. as i’m going on my weight loss journey. i’m not losing weight to meet anyone i’m. losing weight for me. because my shopping experiences are not. as i would want them to be because they. don’t damn make clothes. for you when you become a certain size. but or you you know. you have to pay extra and that . sucks. but what happens is that. you know i’ve said to myself like even. when i do lose this weight. i’ve said you know i am not going to be.
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With anyone. who would not date me. when i didn’t have a body that wasn’t. desirable. you know i i’m gonna i’ve been honest. i’m like i’m gonna keep me. a picture. of myself as when i was bigger. and i’m gonna ask would you would you. date that guy. and if the answer is no. i’m not dating them there is going to be. no. like i just don’t want to be with. someone just because they think my body. looks good because. when i get older none of us are going to. be walking around here with. a sixpack at 80 years old i. mean like. and if you do well kudos to you because. and i don’t know what the you’re. doing it for 80. years old i’ll be like the. prospects is over really. but i want somebody to be with me. because they enjoy my company because. they enjoy. the person that i am not. the person that i look like. and yes i understand that we are all.
You know a lot of us are very physical. beings. because we are attracted to. beauty or what we deem as beautiful. but i don’t want to be with someone just. simply based on. the. but it’s definitely hard it’s definitely. lonely it’s definitely. um. rejection can definitely hit you. i think 10 times over. that you begin to just give up. and i’m not saying that. you won’t find love i just think. sometimes. people are just so busy trying to. pretend like they’re. they’re happy all the time and that. and by no means am i unhappy but i think. we live in a world where. it’s safer to pretend to be happy than. it is to. just tell the truth. being unhappy doesn’t mean that you’re. bitter being unhappy doesn’t mean. that you are. you know just. not worthy of love and all these things. that people have deemed it as or that. you don’t care for yourself.
I think sometimes you know we can be. unhappy about certain things in our. lives. like you might be happy about your job. and be unhappy about your love life. you can be happy about. uh accomplishing accomplishing something. but unhappy that you weren’t able to. still achieve where you wanted to go. with. it you know what i’m saying like it’s. two things can be happening at once and. sometimes i think we. don’t look at the totality of. what true happiness is. being happy can also have a. sense of unhappiness in it you. can still be on you can still be happy. and unhappy at the same time. the two are not mutually exclusive like. they could all be. happening you know. you can feel a lot of different emotions. at once you know you can be happy. in one second and then be sad in another. like. there’s songs to this day that makes me.
Think about. a person i was in love with over a. decade ago. you know and i’ll be honest they. probably would never be forgotten about. you know it’s. emotions are not. your emotions are not. playing tricks on you you feel things. for a reason. and unfortunately we have been taught. all of us man woman. gay straight bisexual whatever. to act as if emotions are not acceptable. only happiness can be accepted. and anything outside of the realm of. that. is. unwanted. and. it’s unwanted and un. undesirable. you know i i have messaged people on. apps and just like you know how are you. doing. what’s what’s going on and. i can’t even get past that so. you know i’m not gonna i’m gonna wrap. this up i’m just i just wanted to say. like. being black and gay is definitely. it’s hard it is hard. it is not the fairy tale that we all see.